Witty Quotes - Page 3

But you have to understand, mental illness is like cholesterol. There is is good kind and the bad. Without the good kind- less flavor to life. Van Gogh, Beethoven, Edgar Allen Poe, Sylvia Plath, Pink Floyd (the early Piper at the Gates of Dawn line up), scientific breakthroughs, spiritual revolution, utopian visions, zany nationalism that kills millions- wait, that’s the bad kind. Tim Dorsey (Hurricane Punch)

Tim Dorsey

Make sure it is God's trumpet you are blowing- if it is only yours it won't wake the dead, it will simply disturb the neighbours.

W. Ian Thomas

Every habit makes our hand more witty, and out wit more handy.

Friedrich Nietzsche

It is, in the imagination of combat's fans, the divinely listless loveplay that follows the orgasm of victory. It is called 'mopping up.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

But life is not like that. You are not an airline. You can't remove a single olive from every salad served in first class and save one point two million dollars.

Lynn Messina

My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off.

Steve Kluger

I'll take a redrum with a rellik please.

Brian Celio

I'm an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo.

Suzanne Wrightt

He had not the makings of that honest man to whom success comes naturally.

James Jones

The important thing to remember is not to forget

Benny Bellamacina

The wittiest authors raise the very slightest of smiles.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile.

Zane Stumpo

Half is better than none unless it be of a wit.

Susan Lendroth

I wonder now how we got by when you weren't here.""I have no doubt the devastation was widespread, the suffering universal.""Indeed, it was the Dark Ages in the annals of Mrs. Dawlish's house. Ignorance was thick on the ground, and unenlkghtenment befogged all the windows.

Sherry Thomas

My wit is only as stupid as the audience.

Aleksandra Ninkovic

Jason smiled and took a sip of his coke before responding. “I’m not sure how to reply to that. I thought about just giving you a nasty look. But I see you already have one.

Mark A. Cooper

Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.

Christopher Moore

We are entrusting thousands of strangers with our innermost thoughts and feelings, and then we're expecting them to be careful with those feelings. As much as we want it to be, the Internet is not a safe space. It is not a place where we can lay our burdens down and heal. Why? Because there are too many people there who do not give an ounce of a shit about our well-being. They do not deserve our rawness, and they will not treat it with care.

Luvvie Ajayi

As the nicknames get shorter, people come closer.

Mita Jain

For a split second, I wondered if he were some type of sexy sorcerer, who was able to remove my clothing by the force of his will alone. I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on the buttons of his shirt, willing them to pop

M.C. Lavocat

Most of you Mistborn are probably too proud to crawl. I'm surprised you were willing to do so your

Brandon Sanderson

The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.

Robert Brault

Does drinking make you wittier? One might as well ask if witting makes you drinkier, which it may.

Benjamin Errett

What were you supposed to say to people you barely knew? That was the kind of thing I needed lessons in - forget algebra and history.

Jennifer R. Hubbard

I am not shy about admitting my modest talents. For example, I am happy to admit that I am better than average at clever remarks, and I also have a flair for getting people to like me. But to be perfectly fair to myself, I am ever-ready to confess my shortcomings, too, and a quick round of soul-searching forced me to admit that I had never been any good at all at breathing water. As I hung there from the seat belt, dazed and watching the water pour in and swirl around my head, this began to seem like a very large character flaw.

Jeff Lindsay

I was at a dinner party many years ago,sitting along from Tom Stoppard, who in those days smoked not just between courses,but between mouthfuls. An American woman watched in disbelief."And you so intelligent!""Excuse me?" said tom"Knowing those things are going to kill you" she said "and still you do it.""How differently I might behave" Tom said, "if immortality were an option

Stephen Fry

The culture of the Epic Fail, in its rituals of comic sacrifice, is a culture of sublimated predation.

Mark O'Connell

Don't open the door to strangers," said her dad. "Unless they're selling something. Then open the door and see if I'd like it. If I'd like it, buy it for me. But nothing cheap. I have standards. Nothing too expensive, either. My standards aren't that high.

Derek Landy

Well we can't be having that. One person starts having fun and it turns into an epidemic. Difficult to stop that kind of thing, you know.

Lauren Cagliola Green

You've known him how long?" Malcolm asked. "Since he was a small boy. I firs noticed him when he slipped into Master Chubb's kitchen to steal some pies." "So, what did you have to say to Will when you caught him stealing these pies? "Oh, I didn't let on I was there. We rangers can be very unobtrusive when we choose. I remained out of sight and watched him. I thought he might have potential to be a ranger." Halt said. Horace joined in "Why?" Halt answered carefully. "Because he was excellent at moving from cover to cover. Chubb entered 3 times and never noticed him. So i thought that if he could acheive that with no training, he would make a good ranger." "No" Horace spoke. "Thats not what I meant. Why were you hiding in the kitchen in the first place?" "I told you. I was watching Will to see if he had the potential to be a ranger." "Thats not what you said. You said that was the first time you noticed Will." "Does it matter?" "Not really. Were you hiding from chub yourself and Will just turned up by coincidence?" "And why would I be hiding from master Chubb in his own kitchen?" "Well, there were freshly made pies on the windowsill, and you like pies, don't you?" "Are you acusing me of trying to steal those pies?!?!" "No, of course not. I just thought i'd give you the opportunity to confess." After a pause, Halt continued. "You know, Horace, you used to be a most agreeable young man. Whatever happened to you?" "I've spent to much time around you, I suppose." And Halt had to admit that was probably true.

John Flanagan

His principles were out of date, but there was a good deal to be said for his prejudices.

Oscar Wilde

I am a man of principles, and my first principle is flexibility.

Everett Dirksen

Brody's not gay. But then he kisses a boy. So he might be gay? No, Brody's not gay. But he loves this boy. So after much delaying, debating, and waiting, the answer comes clear...nothing is ever perfectly straight. It's slash.

Dart Gray

True Devdas are Authors

Santosh Avvannavar

I... I don't, I don't think I can do this.""Do what?"It didn't answer."Do the tests?""I can't work with you when you're like this!" it blurted. "To every one of my specimens, I am the last thing they see! Terrror is what I am used to-- terror is what I like! I prefer my subjects to scream and beg, not ask to see results!""I'll scream my questions, if that helps.""It won't," it said sadly. "I'll know you're only trying to make me feel better.

Derek Landy

Over his shoulder, she saw Skulduggery walk in. "Oh, hell," she muttered. Wreath's smile reappeared. "It's Skulduggery, isn't it?"Over his shoulder, she saw Skulduggery walk in. "Oh , hell," she muttered. Wreath's smile reappeared. "It's Skulduggery, isn't it?""Please don't annoy him.""Me? When have I EVER annoyed the great Skulduggery Pleasant?"Skulduggery arrived at their table. Wreath smile up at him. "Hello.""I will shoot you in the eye," Skulduggery said.Wreath glanced at Valkyrie. "I think I've annoyed him.

Derek Landy

Is there a word for 'total screaming genius' that sounds modest and a tiny bit sexy?

Steven Moffat

It's one thing if your hobby is to put ships inside a bottle, but a deer in the headlights!... That's a real talent

Josh Stern

Guys like him? They were the worst kind. All looks and no heart. Guys not like him? They were all deceiving, freaking asshats.

Rucy Ban

I’ve often been criticised, but never critically wounded

Johnny Rich

My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I thought you were gone forever.' 'I missed you too, Thurid.

Derek Landy

My dear boy, in Ireland the midwife uses one hand to hold the baby's best fighting arm from the font water, and grips its jaws with the other lest the goes to litigation about it. Says O'LiamRoe

Dorothy Dunnett

Portia followed after, a smirk on her face, and Syc hissed as he passed.Donegan waited till they were gone, then swung round to Gracious."He hissed at me.""He hissed at you.""Should I hiss back?""It's a bit late.""He could still hear.""Not unless you run after him.""Do you think I should?""Probably not.""I think I should.""It'd be a bit weird.""You might be right." Donegan pursed his lips, then shook his fist at the doorway."That showed him," said Gracious.Donegan nodded. "He'll think twice about hissing at me again.

Derek Landy

The trouble with Grace, she thought, is that she is so literal. But that was the trouble with most people, when it came down to it; there were very few who enjoyed flights of fantasy, and to have that sort of mind--one which enjoyed dry with and understood the absurd--left one in a shrinking minority.

Alexander McCall Smith

When I battle wits with Jarod Kintz I always feel like I need to take my brain out to give him a transplant. Bad part is we don't have any.

Will Advise

It ain’t whatcha write, it’s the way atcha write it.

ack Kerouac WD

Observation:Thanks to technological advances, avid readers seem to be replacing DTBAD (Dead Tree Book Acquisition Disorder) with an alphabet soup of more more modern-day hoarding behaviors: EBAD (E-Book Acquistion Disorder), EGAD (Electronic Gadget Acquisition Disorder), and ABAD (Audiobook Acquisition Disorder). Of course, there's also MYBAD (Movie and YouTube Acquisition Disorder: the hoarding or obsessive viewing of digital films and videos, some based on books). If any of these syndromes describes you, take heart: there's probably an app for that! - 8/9/2013

Lisa Tolliver

This is unacceptable! We’re English, damn it! We know how to build things where they shouldn't be!" - Governor Dewar

MJL Evans and GM O'Connor

Deep down, he's shallow.

Peter De Vries

Nothing incites failure more than success.

Unknown

I'm almost finished," said Wilhelm, wiping out a line with his sleeve and drawing over it."I never doubted you for a moment," said Vex, then looked at Aurora and spoke more softly. "I actually doubted him the whole time. He's really not very good."Wilhelm turned. "I'm standing right in front of you. I can hear literally every sound you make.""Wilhelm, please," said Vex, "this is a private conversation.

Derek Landy

I know that you’re worried about me, but crushing my lungs isn’t going to help anyone.

Sara Massa

What am I going to do?" asked Ce'Nedra."First you ought to go wash your face," Polgara told her. "Some girls can cry without making themselves ugly, but you don't have the right coloring for it. You're an absolute fright. I'd advise you never to cry in public if you can help it.

David Eddings

I wish you'd stop desperately trying to get my attention like this," he said. "It's become embarrassing.""Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt," she told him."I can't help it. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain.

Cassandra Clare

You like? she asked Slade. He gave her a head nod and she vanished behind the curtain.That's my sister, he said, pointing at the closed curtain.I shrugged. "I'm glad you guys are so close.

Holly Hood

Most wives fuck their husbands, just to ensure financial support. Marriage is just a form of legalized prostitution, when you really thought about it.

K. Syrah

He gave a wry smile. With all this vigilant vigils on virginity, you would think the country would have controlled its population by now.

Mallika Nawal

Dedication and enthusiams are the greatest rewards for learning

Isabel Ramos

A funny person is funny only for so long, but a wit can sit down and go on being spellbinding forever. One is not meant to laugh. One stays quiet and marvels. Spontaneously witty talk is without question the most fascinating entertainment there is.

Diana Vreeland

Nobody ever goes to that store to shop because it’s too crowded.

Sol Luckman

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Witty Quotes - Page 3

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