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Did you bring me a rat?""He has no time for rats, George.""No time for rats? That's just sad.
Rick Riordan
Writing is lonely. Until that moment you write your first character and suddenly you have company.
Eliza Green
And as they drifter up their minds sang with the ecstatic knowledge that either what they were doing was completely and utterly and totally impossible or that physics had a lot of catching up to do.Physics shook its head and, looking the other way, concentrated on keeping the cards going along the Euston Road and out over towards the Westway flyover, on keeping the street lights lit and on making sure that when somebody on Baker Street dropped a cheeseburger it went splat on the ground.
Douglas Adams
I made a deal with sharks. I don't swim near them and they don't play cricket.
J.E. Fison
Can I brush your hair?” she asked as she led the way, her disposition doing a 180 on a dime. Kids. Can’t live with ’em. Can’t eat ’em for lunch.
Darynda Jones
I was doing my little stand up shtick, the one I did for pretty girls, so they'd like me quickly and wouldn't try too hard to actually get to know me beyond my role as wisecracking Cameron, the orphan. Maybe it was a little like flirting, but also a kind of protection: Don't get too close; I'm just jokes with substance.
Emily M. Danforth
Then they began saying, "Get hold of him. Put him in Mercury." Now as you know I have two sculptures by Brancusi and several pretty things and I did not want them to start getting rough, so I said, pacifically, "Dear sweet clodhoppers, if you knew anything of sexual psychology you would know that nothing could give me keener pleasure than to be manhandled by you meaty boys. It would be an ecstasy of the very naughtiest kind. So if any of you wishes to be my partner in joy come and seize me. If, on the other hand, you simply wish to satisfy some obscure and less easily classified libido and see me bathe, come with me quietly, dear louts, to the fountain.
Evelyn Waugh
Everyday has its unique blessings.
Lailah Gifty Akita
Losing your parent at a tender age is like losing everything thing. The love, care, support and what have you. It only takes determination, strong will and the love, care and support from others to make a difference in the lives of these ones as they grow to face their future. You and I can impact in their lives...Just a little love, a little care, a little support can make a huge difference in a child's life. Support an orphan today!
Oziohu Sanni
The profilers’ plan to coax me out of the woods resembled a comedy skit. During their search of my Cane Creek trailer, the feds had found dozens of books on the Civil War. And interviews with my friends confirmed that I was a bona fide Civil War buff. The profilers looked at all this Civil War “stimuli” and concluded that my hiding in the mountains was a form of role-playing. Starring in my own Civil War fantasy, I was a lone rebel fighting for the Lost Cause, and the task force was a Yankee army out to capture me. To talk On August 16, the task force pulled out of the woods while Bo and his rebels went in. They had to look the part, so the FBI profilers dressed them in white hats with the word “REBEL” stenciled in red letters across the front; and around their neck each rebel wore a Confederate flag bandanna.me into surrendering, they needed some of my rebel comrades to convince me thatthe war was over and it was time to lay down my arms. Colonel Gritz and his crew were assigned the role of my rebel comrades. They were there to “rescue” me from the Yankee horde.Bo’s band of rebels pitched camp down in Tusquitee, north of the town of Hayesville. Beginning at Bob Allison Campground – the place where I’d abandoned Nordmann’s truck – they worked their way west into the Tusquitee Mountains. They walked the trails, blowing whistles and yelling “Eric, we’re here with Bo Gritz to save you.” They searched for a week.I lost it when I heard on the radio that the profilers had dressed Gritz’s clowns in “REBEL” hats and Confederate flag bandannas. I laughed so hard I think I broke a rib.
Eric Rudolph
Sometimes a butterfly flaps its wings and the weather turns out fine.
Johnny Rich
Give a man a fishtand he'll eat for a day.Teach him how to fish twith the right line, tthe right bait,tat the right time of day, tat the right sort of spot,tand if he has the right recreational or commercial licencethe may, twith practise and experience,tactually be able to feed himself tand his family tfor a lifetime.tAnd that tis something worth fishing for!
Cameron Semmens
The earliest intelligence of the travellers' safe arrival at Antigua, after a favourable voyage, was received; though not before Mrs. Norris had been indulging in very dreadful fears, and trying to make Edmund participate them whenever she could get him alone; and as she depended on being the first person made acquainted with any fatal catastrophe, she had already arranged the manner of breaking it to all the others, when Sir Thomas's assurances of their both being alive and well made it necessary to lay by her agitation and affectionate preparatory speeches for a while.
Jane Austen
I should have learned mindfulness, and it’s too late now because it’s no good learning it when you’re already in crisis: you have to start when things are good. But only the very, very oddest would think, Hey, my life is perfect. I know! I’ll sit and waste twenty minutes Observing My Thoughts without Judgement.
Marian Keyes
Men from children nothing differ.
William Shakespeare
Gomst's mouth framed a 'no', but every other muscle in him said 'yes'. You'd think priests would be better liars, what with their jobs and all.
Mark Lawrence
Which college?''Hmm?''Which college do you go to?'Fletcher nodded. 'Yes.''I'm sorry?''Oh,' Fletcher said, and laughed.Valkyrie's parents looked at Fletcher in near bewilderment. Fletcher looked back at them in total bewilderment. Valkyrie shook her head.
Derek Landy
Have to be honest with you Darquesse, I cannot feel that. That must be one of your special abilities, because to me, it looks like you just killed a whole bunch of people for no reason.""Oh," said Darquesse. "That's so sad
Derek Landy
I'm not sure if you've noticed this yet, but Jenny Sullivan likes to overuse people's first names. It's a technique she read about in a book called Own It - Take Life By The Bollocks. She once said my name so many times I disconnected from it entirely.
Claire Garber
They want dancing girls! They want thrills! They want elephants! They want people falling off roofs! They want dreams! The world is full of little people with big dreams!
Terry Pratchett
Scotland is a soggy sort it place, where birds and animals walk around uncooked
Peedie William
Whoever deemed the ocean an invigorating place needed to reconsider the reality of crashing waves, sunburn, and sand wedged up into places no one should have it.
Natalia Jaster
We were sent to Afghanistan to carry out hugely dangerous missions. But we were also told that we could not shoot that camel drover before he blew up all of us, because he might be an unarmed civilian just taking his dynamite for a walk.
Marcus Luttrell
Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter...with alliteration, no less!
E.A. Bucchianeri
God is funny. He had a funny day when he made me. A funny, thoughtful, crazy day. He gave me a physique by which I would be so easily and so quickly judged, then gave me a mind by which I would so deeply magnetize, He put within me a heart with small, fast wings that I can hardly, barely handle, and then gave me a voice that hides behind everything in whispers. Oh, and also put a pen in my hand which writes me into madness! How can anyone possibly understand me? But I don't think God cared about that thought, when He made me! How ridiculously unfair!
C. JoyBell C.
No, little one, George's ghost won't come back. Human beings don't have souls. No soul, no ghost. Simple.""How can you say that?" protested Mopple. "We don't know whether humans have souls or not.""Every lamb knows that your soul is in your sense of smell. And human beings don't have very good noses." Maude herself had an excellent sense of smell, and often thought about the problem of souls and noses."So you'd only see a very small ghost. Nothing to be afraid of.
Leonie Swann
There was a profound silence, abruptly broken by an enormously loud rumble from George's stomach. Plaster didn't actually fall from the ceiling, but it was close.
Jonathan Stroud
There is indeed a great deal of futility amongst the human race which we do not commonly see, for it all forms part of our illusion; but let a man be much annoyed by something that others do, so that he is separated from them and has to leave them, and looks back at what they are doing, and he'll see at once all manner of whimsical absurdities that he had not noticed before; and Ramon Alonzo in the shade of his oak, waiting for the noon to go by, grew very contemptuous of the attitude that the world took up towards shadows.
Lord Dunsany
She was the Goddess Who Must Not Be Named; those who sought her never found her, yet she was known to come to the aid of those in greatest need. And, then again, sometimes she didn't. She was like that.
Terry Pratchett
That red spot!” she says with alarm.“That’s a freckle!”“It wasn’t there before...” she says as she inspects her entire arm.“It’s cute.”“It’s not cute.”“Then it’s mine,” I say. “If you don’t like it, it’s mine. I’ll call it Brady.”“My freckle?”“Yes.”“You’re naming my freckle after yourself?” she says. “And you think I have issues?”“It’s like a star. People buy stars in the constellation and name them after people al the time. As gifts.”“So then are you buying my freckle? Because I don’t know if you can afford my freckle. My freckles don’t come cheap, you know.”“I’ve already claimed it,” I declare. “It’s not up for discussion anymore. Just eat your ice cream. And don’t spill any on Brady.
Caprice Crane
As the year goes on, certain deputies—and others, high in public life—will appear unshaven, without coat or cravat; or they will jettison these marks of the polite man, when the temperature rises. They affect the style of men who begin their mornings with a splash under a backyard pump, and who stop off at their street-corner bar for a nip of spirits on their way to ten hours’ manual labor. Citizen Robespierre, however, is a breathing rebuketo these men; he retains his buckled shoes, his striped coat of olive green. Can it be the same coat that he wore in the first year of the Revolution? He is not profligate with coats.While Citizen Danton tears off the starched linen that fretted his thick neck, Citizen Saint-Just’s cravat grows ever higher, stiffer, more wonderful to behold. He affects a single earring, but he resembles less a corsair than a slightly deranged merchant banker.
Hilary Mantel
Humility is the best dress you can wear
Treasure Stitches
Skinny jeans were only good if you had skinny genes.
Matt Dunn
Chic rarely bothers to leave the Rue De Faubourg Saint-Honore.
Tyne O'Connell
I had walked all over the fragile bloom of his heart like a Boadicea in Blahniks
Tyne O'Connell
Oi, doll, ignore him,' said Sia, using a notebook to fan her face. 'Sweet lord, I'm like a human hot-water bottle wrapped in doona in front of a heater at the moment. And did I tell you about the constant farting?
Gabrielle Tozer
It's not revealing, it's informative.
Gemma Burgess
I violently dislike you,' she said, and then she was gone, slamming the door and leaving a sort of shocked silence behind.
Kate Johnson
If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!
Stephen Colbert
Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana.
Eoin Colfer
It might have interested Newt to know that, of the thirty-nine thousand women tested with the pin during the centuries of witch-hunting, twenty-nine thousand said “ouch,” nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine didn’t feel anything because of the use of the aforesaid retractable pins, and one witch declared that it had miraculously cleared up the arthritis in her leg.
Terry Pratchett
Sir Bedevere: "Tell me, what do you do with witches?" Crowd: "Burn, burn them up!" Sir Bedevere: "And what do you burn apart from witches?" Villager: "More witches!
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Tiffany jumped when she saw a balloon sail up above the trees, catch the wind, and swoop away, but it turned out to be just a balloon and not a lump of excess Brian. She could tell this because it was followed by a long scream of rage mixed with a roar of complaint: “AAaargwannawannaaaagongongonaargggaaaaBLOON!” which is the traditional sound of a very small child learning that with balloons, as with life itself, it is important to know when not to let go of the string. The whole point of balloons is to teach small children this.
Terry Pratchett
Here you are. Would you like some pickles?”“Pickles gives me the wind something awful.”“In that case—”“Oh, I wasn’t saying no,” Mistress Weatherwax said, taking two large pickled cucumbers.
Terry Pratchett
CUSTOMER (to their friend): God, the Famous Five titles realy were crap, weren’t they? Five Go Camping. Five Go Off in a Caravan.... If it was Five Go Down To a Crack House it might be a bit more exciting.
Jen Campbell
Men are pigs, darling. I really have every sympathy for women that they actually have to choose one of these arrogant, stupid morons to settle down with and marry.
Michael Winner
It’s an old Camorri tradition for when a bunch of people are planning something stupid,” said Locke. “Actually, we have a lot of traditions for that. You’ll find out
Scott Lynch
Absurd laughter is a kind of protest against an absurd existence.
Meng Wang
Captain Bradbury's right eyebrow had now become so closely entangled with his left that there seemed no hope of ever extricating it without the aid of powerful machinery.
P.G. Wodehouse
The voice of a donkey braying in the neighbouring meadow seemed like the mocking laughter of demons.
P.G. Wodehouse
If flatness were funny, a dinner plate would be hilarious.
Walter Moers
You're bloody insane, Karede," Mat said. "Unfortunately, so am I.
Robert Jordan
Just because I'm insane doesn't mean I have to act all crazy.
Diana Rowland
That's enough!" Holly scrambled out of her seat, too. "My three-year-old behaves better than all of you." She looked down at LJ, who was trying to stuff a fry up his nostril. "And that's not saying a whole lot.
Nicole Williams
We've determined that Ms. Hauptman is a potential threat to the public safety, and we are bringing her in as a murder suspect who has supernatural powers that make her too dangerous to be incarcerated in the usual ways.
Patricia Briggs
Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her.
honeya
Are you one of his teamm
Suzanne Brockmann
Aren't all marriages kind of gay? As a man, when you get marries, essentially what you're saying is 'I will never touch another woman as long as I live, now let's put jewellery on each other and dance
Jimmy Kimmel
...our witness, one Edward Littleton, was as gay as Elton John's handbag.
Ann Somerville
He turned around, suddenly concerned. "Are you pregnant? Are you gay? I'd rather you were gay than pregnant. Unless you're pregnant. Then we'll deal. Whatever it is, we'll deal. Are you pregnant?
Rainbow Rowell
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