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So if animals aren’t our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.

Stephen Colbert

So if animals aren’t our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.

Stephen Colbert
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Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.
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My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.
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Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.
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It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.
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Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?
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Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
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They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.
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Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
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