Lemony Snicket Quotes

Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is torn apart by wild animals someday. Wouldn't that be satisfying?
Lemony Snicket
The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.
Lemony Snicket
One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one's regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different.
Lemony Snicket
One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one’s regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different.
Lemony Snicket
I'm afraid it's not nonsense," Genghis said, shaking his turbaned head and continuing his story. "As I was saying before the little girl interrupted me, the baby didn't dash off with the other orphans. She just sat there like a sack of flour. So I walked over to her and gave her a kick to get her moving.""Excellent idea!" Nero said. "What a wonderful story this is! And then what happened?""Well, at first it seemed like I'd kicked a big hole in the baby," Genghis said, his eyes shining, "which seemed lucky, because Sunny was a terrible athlete and it would have been a blessing to put her out of her misery."Nero clapped his hands. "I know just what you mean, Genghis," he said. "She's a terrible secretary as well.""But she did all that stapling," Mr. Remora protested. "Shut up and let the coach finish his story," Nero said."But when I looked down," Genghis continued, "I saw that I hadn't kicked a hole in a baby. I'd kicked a hole in a bag of flour! I'd been tricked!""That's terrible!" Nero cried.
Lemony Snicket
You don't spend your life hanging around books without learning a thing or two.
Lemony Snicket
This is an absurd moral, for you and I both know that sometimes not only is it good to lie, it is necessary to lie.
Lemony Snicket
The map is not the territory," Snicket's chaperon advises him. "That's an expression which means the world does not match the picture in our heads.
Lemony Snicket
You would run much slower if you were dragging something behind you, like a knapsack or a sheriff.
Lemony Snicket
Why does anyone have a lot of rules? So they can boss people around, I guess.
Lemony Snicket
People don't always get what they deserve in this world.
Lemony Snicket
But even if they could go home it would be difficult for me to tell you what the moral of the story is. In some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears', for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house". The moral of 'Snow White' is "Never eat apples". The moral of World War One is "Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.
Lemony Snicket
In some stories, it's easy. The moral of "The Three Bears," for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house." The moral of "Snow White" is "Never eat apples." The moral of World War One is "Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.
Lemony Snicket
Oftentimes. when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.
Lemony Snicket
..no matter how much one reads, the whole story can never be told.
Lemony Snicket
It is very unnerving to be proven wrong, particularly when you are really right and the person who is really wrong is proving you wrong and proving himself, wrongly, right.
Lemony Snicket
I don't know why wicked places generally look wicked. You'd think they'd look nice, to fool people, but they hardly ever do.
Lemony Snicket
It is always better to ask a question than to answer one.
Lemony Snicket
It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don't stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much.
Lemony Snicket
...you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.
Lemony Snicket
Unless you have been very, very lucky, you have undoubtedly experienced events in your life that have made you cry. So unless you have been very, very lucky, you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.
Lemony Snicket
A letter may be coded, and a word may be coded. A theatrical performance may be coded, and a sonnet may be coded, and there are times when it seems the entire world is in code. Some believe that the world can be decoded by performing research in a library. Others believe that the world can be decoded by reading a newspaper.
Lemony Snicket
Every time you enter a library you might say to yourself, "The world is quiet here," as a sort of pledge proclaiming reading to be the greater good.
Lemony Snicket
You cannot have a really terrific library without at least one terrific librarian, the way you cannot have a really terrific bedroom unless you can lock the door.
Lemony Snicket
...There are almost as many kinds of libraries as there are kinds of readers.
Lemony Snicket
An Overall Feeling of Doom that One Cannot Ever Escape no Matter What One Does
Lemony Snicket
The truth is that you can never be sure if you have decided on the right thing until the party is over, and by then it is too late to go back and change your mind, which is why the world is filled with people doing terrible things
Lemony Snicket
Other people think destiny is a time in one's life, such as the moment one becomes an adult, or the instant it becomes necessary to construct a hiding place out of sofa cushions. And still other people think that destiny is an invisible force, like gravity, or a fear of paper cuts, that guide everyone throughout their lives, whether they are embarking on a mysterious errand, doing a treacherous deed, or deciding that a book they have begun reading is too dreadful to finish,
Lemony Snicket
With a library it is easier to hope for serendipity than to look for a precise answer.
Lemony Snicket
The sky was dark blue twilight, pretty to look at but lonely to walk under.
Lemony Snicket
Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear. Some people say that a sunrise is a miracle, because it is somewhat mysterious and often very beautiful, but other people say it is simply a fact of life, because it happens every day and far too early in the morning. Some people say that a telephone is a miracle, because it sometimes seems wondrous that you can talk with somebody who is thousands of miles away, and other people say it is merely a manufactured device fashioned out of metal parts, electronic circuitry, and wires that are very easily cut. And some people say that sneaking out of a hotel is a miracle, particularly if the lobby is swarming with policemen, and other people say it is simply a fact of life, because it happens every day and far too early in the morning. So you might think that there are so many miracles in the world that you can scarcely count them, or that there are so few that they are scarcely worth mentioning, depending on whether you spend your mornings gazing at a beautiful sunset or lowering yourself into a back alley with a rope made of matching towels.
Lemony Snicket
Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you'd see.
Lemony Snicket
He looked like the sort of person who would tell you that he did not have an umbrella to lend you when he actually had several and simply wanted to see you get soaked.
Lemony Snicket
Wishing, like sipping a glass of punch, or pulling aside a bearskin rug in order to access a hidden trapdoor in the floor, is merely a quiet way to spend one's time before the candles are extinguished on one's birthday cake.
Lemony Snicket
I like a story that could never happen to me. If I want real life I'll read a newspaper.
Lemony Snicket
Read about things that wouldn't keep you up all night long, weeping and tearing out your hair.
Lemony Snicket
I will love you as an oven loves malfunctioning in the middle of roasting a turkey.
Lemony Snicket
Sunny held Kit, and Violet held Klaus, and for a minute the four castaways did nothing but weep, letting their tears run down their faces and into the sea, which some have said is nothing but a library of all tears in history.
Lemony Snicket
Tears are curious things, for like earthquakes or puppet shows they can occur at any time, without any warning and without any good reason.
Lemony Snicket
...The sea... some have said is nothing but a library of all the tears in history.
Lemony Snicket
When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.
Lemony Snicket
People who think nothing can go wrong are usually disappointed.
Lemony Snicket
In an emergency, one often learns that one's companions can be of even less help in extraordinary circumstances than they are during an average evening.
Lemony Snicket
Everybody will die, but very few people want to be reminded of that fact.
Lemony Snicket
The real Santa Claus is at the mall.
Lemony Snicket
Perhaps I should just bury myself and become a diamond after thousands of years of intense pressure
Lemony Snicket
The book did not say anything about a statue, valuable or otherwise, and so I stopped reading about the Bombinating Beast and got interested in the chapter about the Stain'd witches, who had ink instead of blood in their veins. I wondered what they kept in their pens.
Lemony Snicket
If you ask one question, it will lead you to another, and another. It's like peeling an onion.
Lemony Snicket
Being curious is the most important part of being a journalist. It might be the most important part of being anything.
Lemony Snicket
Moxie gave me a small smile. "Why do you always say that- which here means?""I'll probably outgrow it," I said.
Lemony Snicket
Simply put, dramatic irony is when a person makes a harmless remark, and someone else who hears it knows something that makes the remark have a different, and usually unpleasant, meaning. For instance, if you were in a restaurant and said out loud, "I can't wait to eat the veal marsala I ordered," and there were people around who knew that the veal marsala was poisoned and that you would die as soon as you took a bite, your situation would be one of dramatic irony.
Lemony Snicket
If only Uncle Monty knew what we know," Violet said, "and Stephano knew that he knew what we know. But Uncle Monty doesn't know what we know, and Stephano knows that he doesn't know what we know.""I know," Klause said."I know you know," Violet said
Lemony Snicket
There are two good reasons to put your napkin in your lap. One is that food might spill in your lap, and it is better to stain the napkin than your clothing. The other is that it can serve as a perfect hiding place. Practically nobody is nosey enough to take the napkin off a lap to see what is hidden there.
Lemony Snicket
The world is swirling with so many mysteries and secrets that nobody will ever track down all of them. But with a book you can stay up very late, reading until all the secrets are clear to you. The questions of the world are hidden forever, but the answers in a book are hiding in plain sight.
Lemony Snicket
A secret note is secret. There is no reason to sign it.
Lemony Snicket
We both wanted to know each other's secrets, and we both wanted the other person to go first.
Lemony Snicket
Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret? Lemony Snicket : Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding.
Lemony Snicket
I think everyone's parents have secrets. You just have to know where to look for them.
Lemony Snicket
That night was a dark day. Of course, all nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly lit version of day, ...
Lemony Snicket
There's nothing wrong with athletics, but they shouldn't get in the way of your schoolwork.
Lemony Snicket