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True storyThis morning I jumped on my horseAnd went for a ride,And some wild outlaws chased meAnd shot me in the side.So I crawled into a wildcats caveTo find a place to hideBut some pirates found me sleeping thereAnd soon they had me tiedTo a pole and built a fireUnder me—I almost criedTill a mermaid came and cut me looseAnd begged to be my brideSo I said id come back WednesdayBut I must admit I lied.Then I ran into a jungle swampBut I forgot my guide And I stepped into some quicksandAnd no matter how hard I triedI couldn’t get out, until I metA watersnake named ClydeWho pulled me to some cannibalsWho planned to have me friedBut an eagle came and swooped me upAnd through the air we fliedBut he dropped me in a boiling lakeA thousand miles wideAnd you’ll never guess what I did then—I DIED
