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Image of the quote is loading... SaveSave I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn't experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak. - Quote by Chelsea Handler

I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn’t experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak.

Chelsea Handler
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Why are babies allowed to cry when they wake up, but adults crying when they wake is frowned upon? Babies are permitted to act like assholes whenever they feel like it and no one blinks...
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I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.
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My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity I had stolen.
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I have a question. Is it okay to drink while you're pregnant...if you're planning on giving the baby up for adoption?
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The big one was at least cute, and as annoying as she was, you couldn't get mad at a golden retriever.
Chelsea Handler
I don't like to overdose. Call me old-fashioned.
Chelsea Handler
My mother is the antithesis of a typical Jewish mother, she is very soft-spoken and takes more naps that a cat. As a result, I've always longed for someone to really annoy the shit out of me.
Chelsea Handler
I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need money. It's way more important for them to be good-looking.
Chelsea Handler
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