Witty Quotes

The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had to live my life again I'd make the same mistakes only sooner.

Tallulah Bankhead

When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.

Anonymous

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

When wealth is lost nothing is lost When health is lost something is lost When character is lost all is lost!

Anonymous

I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.

No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.

Anonymous

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.

Anonymous

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason - there's a reason.

In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.

Anonymous

Retirement must be wonderful. I mean you can suck in your stomach for only so long.

Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.

Sex is like money only too much is enough.

The best way to save face is keep the bottom half shut.

Anonymous

The rich can be "eccentric " the poor have to be considered "nuts."

Anonymous

Middle age is when your old classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

Can you tell me the difference between a witch and a wizard?Sure, a wizard is what they call you when they want to hire you, and a witch is what they call you when they're getting ready to run you out of town.

Anything can happen in love, war and South Inidan movies.

Jennifer Bernard

Think of something clever, witty or profound, keep it short and people may quote you.

State your point. If the opposite party doesn't agree, state it harder- with a punch.

Jennifer Bernard

Carla was wearing a No Fear sweatshirt. You are too old, Amy wanted to tell her, for legible clothing.

This sentence consists of eleven words, twenty-three syllables and seventy-four letters.

Charles Pearson

But have you ever seen one?....They shook their heads. "Not Physically, no. But if you look at this passage - "Man, she liked that Bible. I'd read it and could definitely understand it's appeal, but I didn't have time for this.

Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse.

Taking a single letter from the alphaber," he said, "should make life simpler.""I don't see why. Take the F from life and you have lie. It's adding a letter to simple that makes it simpler. Taking a letter from hoarder makes it harder.

Your brother Jaime keeps losing battles. He gave Sansa an angry look, as if it were her fault. He’s been taken by the Starks and we’ve lost Riverrun and now her stupid brother is calling himself a king.The dwarf smiled crookedly. “All sorts of people are calling themselves kings these days.

George R.R. Martin

Kevin", his father began, "I've been thinking about it – I guess I was kind of carried away. It's just that I've waited so long for my old school to make it to the Regionals... I suppose I was living it vicariously through you. Keith says you're not going to fail, after all. Is that right?""Looks like I'll make it. I know it's hard to believe...""Yes, it is. I was hoping you could get a football scholarship, you know. Something to waive the entrance requirements, because I don't know what college would take you-""Yeah. Thanks a lot Dad," Kevin said sarcastically. He already knew what his father thought of him and didn't need to be reminded yet again."Oh, come on. You know perfectly well that you're too stupid to-""That's not what my boyfriend says. Oh, by the way, Dad – I'm a faggot. Did I mention that?""... Kevin – get your stuff, and get out.""Gladly.

Failte

One of the great advantages ofhaving a library,your eminence,is that it is full of books.

(…) Trying to think of how to take the least crowded ways to class, so the least amount of people will stare at the hole in my neck. Sometimes it feels like it has a beacon in it, flashing for the entire world to see, except it's not cool like the Bat signal.

Forgive me. It was stupid of me to think you might need company, when clearly all you required was that decanter.”“It was not stupid. It was very kind. Quite soft, actually. A very warm, womanly gesture. I am touched.” He smiled softly. “However, if you truly want to help, if you really want to distract me, there are better ways. When I saw that dress, I dared hope you had realized that.

Madeline Hunter

All the same, we should excuse ourselves," Vergil said. "Although I am wondering if the meeting was already well concluded when we intruded." He gave Nathaniel a deep look on the last sentence that made Charlotte's caution prickle. She saw the big brother in him, thinking that a private chat with this man was in order.Bianca still had not picked up the cue. "You are making plans regarding the petitions?""I trust that a petition came up at some point in the visit," Vergil said dryly. "Correct, Knightridge?"Charlotte wanted to die. "Indeed one did," she said. "Mr. Knightridge is proving to be a great help in the cause."Bianca beamed. "I always knew that the two of you would find common ground in something.""Yes, we have discovered that we think alike in one small area," Nathaniel agreed.Charlotte wanted to hit him."Indeed," Vergil muttered.

Madeline Hunter

Actors," he says, "should only be superficial on the surface.

This is unacceptable! We’re English, damn it! We know how to build things where they shouldn't be! - Governor Dewar

MJL Evans and GM O'Connor

She’s like a cross between an onion and donkey,” Farah said.“Why?” Jason and Connor asked simultaneously.“Cause she’s a piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye.” Farah laughed.

He forced himself forward trying to seem innocent without acting like someone who was guilty who was trying to act innocent.

He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.

My mistakes are usually so enjoyable that I tend torepeat them.

Mistresses, have you ever noticed that when we disagree with a male- I hesitate to say 'man'- or find ourselves in a position over males, the first comment they make is always about our reputations or our monthlies?

Think of yourselves as pearls. We, sitting in our rows, eyes down, we make her salivate morally. We are hers to define, we must suffer her adjectives. I think about pearls. Pearls are congealed oyster spit.

Margaret Atwood

What are you - Secret Service?''If I were, I wouldn't admit it.''And you're not admitting it, I notice.

Thomas was sick of being accused of knowing things.

Pearls are congealed oyster spit.

Margaret Atwood

Never stick your tongue out at someone you can't lick.

Sid Bolon

He could be so charming and irreverent and witty, and then-bam!-a switch flipped and he reverted right back to the cocky asshole everyone reported him to be.

Lauren Weisberger

There was a few seconds' pause. Then Amit said: I meant, what were you thinking just now.When? said Lata.When you were looking at Pran and Savita. Over the pudding.Oh.Well, what?I can't remember, said Lata with a smile.Amit laughed.Why are you laughing? asked LataI like making you feel uncomfortable, I suppose.Oh. Why?--Or happy--or puzzled--just to see your change of mood. It's such fun. I pity you!Why? said Lata, startled.Because you'll never know what a pleasure it is to be in your company. Do stop talking like that, said Lata. Ma will come in any minute.You're quite right. In that case: Will you marry me?Lata dropped her cup. It fell to the floor and broke. She looked at the broken pieces--luckily, it has been empty--and then at Amit.Quick! said Amit. Before they come running to see what's happened. Say yes.Lata had knelt down; she was gathering he bits of the cup together and placing them on the delicately patterned blue-and-gold saucer.Amit joined her on the floor. Her face was only a few inches away from his, but her mind appeared to be somewhere else. he wanted to kiss her but he sensed that there was no question of it. One by one she picked up the shards of china.Was it a family heirloom? asked Amit.What? I'm sorry--said Lata, snapped out of her trance by the words. Well, I suppose I'll have to wait. I was hoping that by springing it on you like that I'd surprise you into agreeing......Do stop being idotic, Amit, said Lata. You're so brilliant, do you have to be so stupid as well? I should only take you seriously in black and white.And in sickness and health.Lata laughed: For better and for worse, she added.

'Venti caramel macchiato, please,' he said. 'Hold the snobbery.' The barista laughed and hit buttons on his register. 'You sure? We're having a sale on social mobility. The longer your coffee order takes to place, the more you have to pay.' 'Perfect. Reverse consumerism.'

Remember what you won't get if you don't mind," her grandfather remarked.

Flannery O'Connor

Never make eye contact with a stranger when you’re having a churro.

Rucy Ban

The important question is, what will your wear for a wedding dress, Alexia? You look horrible in white.

Endure for another day, Mister Tannen, and you'll have all the foul black misuse of water you can drink.

It was the day he learned that smart, witty girls were brighter than sunlight.

At least as coherent as the Gettysburg Address backwards in Albanian, anyway.

When we reached the lobby outside the office, moving like a pair of power walkers--no running in the halls of Green Pastures because there was too much chance of knocking over one of the many ethereal, artistic types wandering around in hip glasses with the wrong prescription... (39)

He things we think he's a double agent, working for them but secretly working for us. He doesn't know we know he's a triple agent, working for them but secretly working for us but really he's secretly working for them. Dexter, how's your brain?""Hurting.

Night descended on Roarhaven like a woolly blanket of blackness with holes in it that were the stars.

Try - Takes the infinitive: "try to mend it," not "try and mend it." Students of the language will argue that 'try and' has won through and become idiom. Indeed it has, and it is relaxed and acceptable. But 'try to' is precise, and when you are writing formal prose, try and write 'try to.

William Strunk Jr.

He looked at Ghastly. "Thoughts?""I want to kill Sanguine," was the first thing Ghastly said. "And I want to do it slowly, in front of a lot of people. Using a hammer."Skulduggery nodded. "Very healthy.

The door handle turned. Someone knocked, and a man's voice called, "Uh, hello?"Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery, looked back at the others, looked at Skulduggery again."Hello," Skulduggery said, speaking loudly to be heard over the alarm. "Hi," said the man. "The door's locked.""Is it?""Yes.""That's funny" said Skulduggery. "Hold on a moment." He reached out, jiggled the handle a few times, then stepped back. "Yes, it's locked. You wouldn't happen to have the key, would you?"There was a delay in response from the other side. "I'm sorry," the man called, "Who am I speaking

As it 'appens, I am Arthur's right-hand man," said Suzy. "Or left-hand girl, I can't remember where I stood last time. Anyhow, me and Arthur is like two fingers of a gauntlet. Or at least the thumb and the little finger. I mean, I'm his top General, and all. So if I say you're in, you're in.

Garth Nix

There it was: a full confession. Sherlock Holmes had done it again, and as I marveled at my devastating powers of deduction, I wished there had been two of me so I could have patted myself on the back. I know it sounds arrogant, but how often does one achieve a mental triumph of that magnitude? After listening to her speak just two words, I had nailed the whole bloody thing. If Watson had been there, he would have been shaking his head and muttering under his breath.

Nevermind nomenclatures, boy! What a serendipitous situation this is!

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