Satirical Quotes

#Twitter: proudly promoting ghastly grammar and silly misspelling since 2006.

E.A. Bucchianeri

Preferring the nausea of the path to its fated and certain ending.

He was eager to tell me about his latest work, which consisted of him vomiting on a footpath, then cordoning it off. Each artwork lasted until the first ‘philistine’ thought to take the rope down.‘In that way, the philistine is drawn – whether he likes it or not – into my art. He becomes part of it…and the vomit part of him. Essentially, it is the cosmic vomit. We all spew it. It blurs the boundaries, subverts the liminal…

Paul Christensen

You might as well laugh at yourself,everyone else is.

...they say if you don't vote, you get the government you deserve, and if you do, you never get the results you expected.

E.A. Bucchianeri

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.

The birthing wolf,Her heart fed with tenderness,Gave forth from ripe brown nipples,Food to feed the universe.

[The Void Which Binds] actual but unaccessible presence in our universe is one of the prime causes for our species elaborating myth and religion, for our stubborn, blind belief in extrasensory powers, in telepathy and precognition, in demons and demigods and resurrection and reincarnation and ghosts and messiahs and so many other categories of almost-but-not-quite satisfying bullshit.

A poet can imagine an iceberg singing a melancholic song while the world leaders find it difficult to imagine proper solution to global warming.

Casting a curious gaze down on planet Earth, extra-terrestrial beings could well be forgiven for assuming that we humans are programmed in every move we make, by a palm-sized, oblong, slab of glass. More perplexing than that, who on earth could convince them otherwise ?

Poncho was in a red mood slanging with rage and needed to cook himself out of it , while shoving handfuls of salted peanuts down his gullet and slurping ice cold Fanta

Poncho was in a red mood slanging with rage and needed to cook himself out of it , while shoving handfuls of salted peanuts down his gullet and slurping ice cold Fanta

Being divorced does not necessarily make one’s advice on marriage useless … or useful.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The real reason the number of things that are shared via social media every single minute is so astronomical is because, whenever they each do, most users do not share or say something because they believe they have something worth remembering; they do mainly or only because they fear being forgotten.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people would regard people who look like they do as ugly if they did not look like them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The second most dangerous thing about money is that it leaves most of the people who have a lot of it with the unshakable belief that they are intelligent and well informed. The most dangerous thing about it is that it leaves most of the people who do not have a lot of money with the very same belief.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

By drinking, a boy acts like a man. After drinking, many a man acts like a boy.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Getting through life without a lot of money, possessions, and/or friends is admirable, especially if it is by choice.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Though people sort of need your permission to talk to you, they do not really need one to talk about you.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We envy people who are extremely old because we wish to live that long, not because we want to be that old.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A maid’s yard, house, wardrobe, fridge, etc. sometimes also serve as her master’s dustbin or dumpsite.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

If the food that one ate the night before were somehow able to be seen and identified through one’s clothes throughout the day, millions of employees would each fast ten or so days before their payday.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The human population would probably be way less than a thousand, if ejaculation were not usually accompanied by an orgasm.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Many of the boys and men who are regarded as immature by some females are so deemed merely because they do not want to get married someday … or soon.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people masturbate to temporarily replace their partners when they are absent, whereas some people do that to temporarily live in the present.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

With regard to things such as independence, mental capabilities, and sexuality, a very old man is nothing but a gigantic infant with white hair and wrinkles.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Life sometimes reminds us that it is sometimes heartless by giving something or someone we really need to someone who does not need or even want them or it.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people who have been working out regularly for months or even years are still out of shape because the number of cheat days they have in a week exceeds six.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some of the people who hate me love some of the sentences that I have written, until they get to the name of the person to whom the sentences are attributed.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

An expensive coffin does not decrease the deceased’s chances of going to hell.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Unless they are off duty, no matter how wide it is, and even when it is sincere, a smile seems fake if the job description of the person who is smiling includes smiling.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people have contracted HIV during their separate endeavours to give someone or some people a curable STD.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

You cannot be truly humble, unless you truly believe that life can and will go on without you.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Famine sometimes increases the number of people who are overweight.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some social ills are preserved by the common misbelief that things such as ignorance, greed, and stupidity do not have the stamina required to reach old age.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A truly compassionate man gives a poor woman a portion of his meal before he eats, not after he has eaten.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some women’s greatest achievement is sleeping with a man who is rich, famous, and/or wanted by many women, whereas some women’s greatest achievement is refusing to sleep with such a man.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Many a death was precipitated by the food, the job, or the medication whose main function was to postpone it.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

When in court, the primary role of lawyers is not to prove or disprove innocence; unbeknown to almost all lawyers and their clients, it is to save the court time.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The death of a billionaire is worth more to the media than the lives of a billion poor people.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

One of the main functions of a push-up bra is to lower the number of mothers who seem like mothers.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The kind of lies that someone tells us gives us an idea of how stupid, knowledgeable, intelligent, or ignorant they are … or they think we are.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Plants are more courageous than almost all human beings: an orange tree would rather die than produce lemons, whereas instead of dying the average person would rather be someone they are not.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Being bored is the price we pay for not being insane.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We are loved way more by some of the people who have not contacted us in the last twelve or so months than we are loved by some of those who contact us every twelve or so days … or hours.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We all have problems. Or rather, everyone has at least one thing that they regard as a problem.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

More often than not, expecting to lose weight without first losing the diet that made the weight loss necessary is like expecting a pig to be spotless after hosing it down while it was still rolling in mud.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people will hate you for not loving them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they hate us.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The fact that the person who you are sleeping with is also sleeping with another person or other people does not necessarily mean that he or she does not love you. And the fact that you are the only person who someone is sleeping with does not necessarily mean that he or she loves you.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A seemingly simple task like taking a bath or wearing a condom feels like multitasking to someone who suffers from hemiplegia or has only one hand.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most human beings strongly believe that money is way less important than the life of a human being, but in reality five hundred, fifty, or even five dollars are way more important to the lives of most human beings than the lives of most human beings.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most human beings would have never been pained by the death of a human being if they had never seen a human being or pretending to be pained by that.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most men would no longer enjoy conversing with most women if they stopped bringing their vaginas along.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their partner, even if that is not true.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

More often than not, an inspirational or motivational speaker is someone who makes money from telling us that we can do all of the things that we can do … and pretty much all of the things that we cannot do.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Adults who use big words in order to seem intelligent are annoying, especially those who are not intelligent.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most of us cling to life as if our existence were a result of our deed or choice.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Bigheadedness is usually a symptom of small-mindedness.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

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