Puns Quotes

Impersonating a quiet, gentle librarian like Barbara Gordon--You deserve to be taken out of circulation!

Also not the kind of place to hide a server.""Is that another pun?" She asked."No! I swear! I didn't mean that one."~Shell Game, Kingdom Keepers #5

If I had to pick another career, I'd be an optometrist for potatoes. That's where the money is.

Yeah 'ear 'ear," said George, with half a glance at Fred, the corner of whose mouth twitched.

How are you going to make it move? It doesn't have a – " "Be very quiet," advised the duke, "for it goes without saying."And, sure enough, as soon as they were all quite still, it began to move quickly through the streets, and in a very short time they arrived at the royal palace.

A so-called antimony war had been waged between French [Galenist] physicians and [alchemical, Paracelsian] iatrochemists since the beginning of the seventeenth century. What it lacked in bloodletting, this war made up for in bile.

Khione’s eyes flared pure white. For once, she seemed at a loss for words. She stormed back up the stairs—literally. Halfway up, she turned into a blizzard and disappeared.

Skinny jeans were only good if you had skinny genes.

Matt Dunn

It's unpleasantly like being drunk." "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "You ask a glass of water.

Okay, you won our shitty little argument. Pass the world.

The first casualty of war is casual wear.

They talk about human rights until the rights include things they personally do not like as alternatives. There needs to be Frank discussions. And Shirley can join too because the pun works. The ideas of human beings of all demeanor and venues are at stake here.

Leviak B. Kelly

I overreacted to praise, signing an autograph. I'd write a check to buy it back.

Jasper!” Casey shouts, startling the young woman. “My cargo is talking to me!

Nathan Reese Maher

She points to where he went and looks to the neutral Baumen. “He—he did that to me on purpose! He’s insane. Literally, insane!”The munchkin just shrugs. “Welcome aboard!” and returns unconcerned to his work.

Nathan Reese Maher

An apple a day feeds the tapeworm to stay.

Let us revenge this withour pikes, ere we become rakes: for the gods know Ispeak this in hunger for bread, not in thirst for revenge.

William Shakespeare

I had a dream about you last night... we tried to joke but neither could make any sense. We realized that puns are present in every language, though not shared by any of them.

Marshall Ramsay

Jasper set an intercepting course towards that Rhylonian Star Duster. Maybe we can catch them on their blind side.”“Doesn’t this ship have a cloak?” Jaq asks.“Miss Synergy, I don’t know what they teach now a’days at the Academy, but ships do not wear clothes.

Nathan Reese Maher

Goodreads.com is actually about fiction not dreading goo. But I have a profile there, anyway...

Michael A. Arnzen

What did the mat say to the door? You must be really aDOORable to open up to everyone who knock at you. And I welcome everyone and what do I get? People stepping all over me

Ana Claudia Antunes

Rules for navigating the net, Or people will roll their eye Lest you can't roll the R rect: Literally, don´t dink and dive!

Ana Claudia Antunes

A dessert to a deserter in the desert burst, "You trust your thirst. And you are too hot! You scream for ice cream. And believe it or not, I may not be your first. But I might be your lust! Give it a shot...

Ana Claudia Antunes

Fuck, Christina.”“Yes, fuck Christina. I think she'd like that.

Mr. Pettifor, I’ve brought you lunch, Sir.” “Leave it on my desk,” he grouses. “It’s your favorite, Sir, a Reuben with au jus,” I say softly.

If I send all the books that I faithfully wrote overseas, would that, for any chance, be considered work-shipping??

Ana Claudia Antunes

Wit and puns aren't just decor in the mind; they're essential signs that the mind knows it's on, recognizes its own software, can spot the bugs in its own program.

There is never a bad time for a pun. There’s also never really a good time for a pun. You might as well just stay braced for a pun at all times, and ride them when they come with as much grace as you can manage.The fact that you can replace ‘pun’ with ‘disaster’ in the last three rules says a lot about the human race.

Terry Pratchett

Beware of affect adorning vêtement of effect.

Steven Wood Collins

If You Get Accidentally Locked, In the loo - Would you ‪#‎KnockYourSelfOut‬?

Had a cold hummus with pita bread, Under a delicious food, yellow or red. Might just have the appetite to cook Urgent dinner by hook or crook.So that's just a humus humor spread.

Ana Claudia Antunes

I was in my element, excuse the pun.

Anyway, my writer gang: they kind of did their comedy apprenticeship with me and, during that period, when they were young and impressionable, I think I infected them with my pun virus. They grew to enjoy puns, think puns, just as much as me. The problem is people don't really like puns any more, so I worry I've rendered the poor fuckers virtually unemployable.

Over the years, I have been subjected to many indignities, all for the sake of Art. If I ever catch him, I'm going to kill the guy.

Bob Hope

If you are having private thoughts and ask an intimate friend to listen to them in privacy or on a date will that be considered too intimi-dating? And if the thoughts are proved to be untrue, but your friend still insists on believing in them anyway, would that be considered a cons-piracy?

Ana Claudia Antunes

In Science don't confound Normal static electricity To ecstatic eccentricity. Here is what I found: Electric charges As they rise up your hair In contrast with a discharge, Rarity leaves you up in the air!

Ana Claudia Antunes

There are always messages, even enigmas to be searched, mysteries to be solved in all of my books. I like to puzzle readers, but I do not make so to the point of being so complex that they will lose interest in the plot. And that for me is the essence of every great literature around the world, and that’s been so for ages.(....)Some were inpired by real life characters, some other books I wrote are hybrid fiction/non-fiction, so I pretty much get inspired by people who have lived, and even who are still breathing among us… so don’t get discouraged if I didn’t mention your personality traits yet. I might even have your name over my books, I must some day…

Ana Claudia Antunes

It is still cheating, even if nobody comes.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

But the helmet had gold decoration, and the bespoke armorers had made a new gleaming breastplate with useless gold ornamentation on it. Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armor. It was gilt by association.

Terry Pratchett

In Science don't confound Normal static electricity To ecstatic eccentricity. Here is what I found: Electric charges As they rise up your hair In contrast with a discharge, Rarity leaves you up in the air!

Ana Claudia Antunes

There are always messages, even enigmas to be searched, mysteries to be solved in all of my books. I like to puzzle readers, but I do not make so to the point of being so complex that they will lose interest in the plot. And that for me is the essence of every great literature around the world, and that’s been so for ages.(....)Some were inpired by real life characters, some other books I wrote are hybrid fiction/non-fiction, so I pretty much get inspired by people who have lived, and even who are still breathing among us… so don’t get discouraged if I didn’t mention your personality traits yet. I might even have your name over my books, I must some day…

Ana Claudia Antunes

It is still cheating, even if nobody comes.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

But the helmet had gold decoration, and the bespoke armorers had made a new gleaming breastplate with useless gold ornamentation on it. Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armor. It was gilt by association.

Terry Pratchett

Puns are the highest form of literature.

Alfred Hitchcock