Humour Quotes - Page 5

That’s probably the most sincere thing that I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.”Logan lowered his eyes to Tate’s hand. “Now, that’s not true. I was very sincere this morning when I told you that I loved sucking your—”“Don’t ruin it,” Tate interrupted.

Ella Frank

If you want to know what the camel stole from your kitchen yesterday, then you shouldn;t slit open its stomach. You should stare into its arsehole.

Jussi Adler-Olsen

Buddy I have lived through three wars and several major political skirmishes. You can't beat me down with your boring-to-death sales pitches.

Anissa Rafeh

One can hardly do anything productive when one knows there is cake in the fridge.

Joyce Rachelle

Ah college years, those were the days. Pure freedom ... leaving home for the first time…the parties…”"What about the tutorials, the lectures, the large building with all the books called the ‘library’?”“Is that what those were?” Gerry blithely replied.

E.A. Bucchianeri

... there was one new metallic monstrosity stacked in one corner that she hadn’t seen the last time she was a visitor to his strange chamber, it appeared to be a mass of hard drives all fused together, but they looked too sophisticated to be merely hard drives.“What on earth is that?” “That’s my Kung Fu,” he said proudly, patting the top of the futuristic-looking stack.“Is that what you wanted to show me?”“No, but it’s impressive, isn’t it?”“If you say so.”Steves sighed and shook his head, so few people could appreciate the intellectual complexity of an almost untraceable hacking device.

E.A. Bucchianeri

That´s the problem with planning a late night supper after the opera, not only does the hero or the heroine die singing, but you end up famished after the last notes of the finale.

E.A. Bucchianeri

It is still cheating, even if nobody comes.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

don't make me throw my boot at you, because I will, you grumpy high testosterone driven male

Keisha Keenleyside

Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt.Where did the camel come from, you ask? I may have mentioned Walt’s collection of amulets. Two of them summoned disgusting camels. I’dmet them before, so I was less than excited when a ton of dromedary flesh flew across my line of sight, plowed into the sphinx, and collapsed on topof it. The sphinx growled in outrage as it tried to free itself. The camel grunted and farted.“Hindenburg,” I said. Only one camel could possibly fart that badly. “Walt, why in the world—?”“Sorry!” he yelled. “Wrong amulet!”The technique worked, at any rate. The camel wasn’t much of a fighter, but it was quite heavy and clumsy. The criosphinx snarled and clawedat the floor, trying unsuccessfully to push the camel off; but Hindenburg just splayed his legs, made alarmed honking sounds, and let loose gas.I moved to Walt’s side and tried to get my bearings.

Rick Riordan

I've had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick.

Libba Bray

I am an artist you know ... it is my right to be odd.

E.A. Bucchianeri

Joe Spork opens the door. The man departs. Joe turns to Polly to say something about how they’re obviously not going to Portsmouth, and finds an oyster knife balanced on his cheek, just under his eye.“Can we be very clear,” Polly Cradle murmurs, “that I am not your booby sidekick or your Bond girl? That I am an independent supervillain in my own right?”Joe swallows. “Yes, we can,” he says carefully.“There will therefore be no more ‘Say hello, Polly’?”“There will not.

Nick Harkaway

When you are unemployed, weekends are seven days long.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Hey, Geekoid!" yelled Duncan Dougal, "Why do you read so much? Don't you know how to watch TV?

Bruce Coville

I wouldn’t have minded school if they taught you important things like how to have good sex and what brand of wine is the best… But for some reason they were hell bent on teaching me algebra

Ben Mitchell

It sometimes requires ignorance and arrogance to know something for sure.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

During the Bosnian war in the late 1990s, I spent several days traveling around the country with Susan Sontag and her son, my dear friend David Rieff. On one occasion, we made a special detour to the town of Zenica, where there was reported to be a serious infiltration of outside Muslim extremists: a charge that was often used to slander the Bosnian government of the time. We found very little evidence of that, but the community itself was much riven as between Muslim, Croat, and Serb. No faction was strong enough to predominate, each was strong enough to veto the other's candidate for the chairmanship of the city council. Eventually, and in a way that was characteristically Bosnian, all three parties called on one of the town's few Jews and asked him to assume the job. We called on him, and found that he was also the resident intellectual, with a natural gift for synthesizing matters. After we left him, Susan began to chortle in the car. 'What do you think?' she asked. 'Do you think that the only dentist and the only shrink in Zenica are Jewish also?' It would be dense to have pretended not to see her joke.

Christopher Hitchens

All trademarks, company names, registered names, products, characters, mottos, logos, jingles and catchphrases used or cited in this work are the property of their respective owners and have only been mentioned and or used as cultural references to enhance the narrative and in no way were used to disparage or harm the owners and their companies. It is the author's sincerest wish the owners of the cited trademarks, company names, etc. appreciate the success they have achieved in making their products household names and appreciate the free plug.

E.A. Bucchianeri

With right fashion, every female would be a flame.

Amit Kalantri

Fashion doesn't make you perfect, but it makes you pretty.

Amit Kalantri

Dresses won't worn out in the wardrobe, but that is not what dresses are designed for.

Amit Kalantri

Dresses don't look beautiful on hangers.

Amit Kalantri

It's time to shop high heels if your fiance kisses you on the forehead.

Amit Kalantri

Women strive to be the change they want to see in the mirror.

Ljupka Cvetanova

We seldom learn much from someone with whom we agree.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most adults are knowledgeable to a child, but ignorant for their age.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most women would each be left with fewer dreams or without a dream, if the institution of marriage were to be abolished.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some writers write to forget. Some forget to write.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

When it comes to their love lives, some people do not really have high standards; they merely have low sex drive.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most people would instantly start feeling ten years older if someone were to convince them that they were actually born a decade before their birthdate.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some of the best things that have ever happened to us wouldn’t have happened to us, if it weren’t for some of the worst things that have ever happened to us.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people will insult your intelligence by suddenly being nice or nicer to you once you make it … or they think you have.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Being a bad parent is a sign of not having learned from experience.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

He who is jealous is better off not dating someone who is bisexual.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

There is no such thing as a boring person when you are lonely or extremely bored.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Life curses some poor people with the love of luxury, while it blesses some with the very same thing.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Only someone who isn’t a fool stands a chance of not being bothered by being deemed a fool by a fool.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Being divorced does not necessarily make one’s advice on marriage useless … or useful.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The real reason the number of things that are shared via social media every single minute is so astronomical is because, whenever they each do, most users do not share or say something because they believe they have something worth remembering; they do mainly or only because they fear being forgotten.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people would regard people who look like they do as ugly if they did not look like them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The second most dangerous thing about money is that it leaves most of the people who have a lot of it with the unshakable belief that they are intelligent and well informed. The most dangerous thing about it is that it leaves most of the people who do not have a lot of money with the very same belief.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

By drinking, a boy acts like a man. After drinking, many a man acts like a boy.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Getting through life without a lot of money, possessions, and/or friends is admirable, especially if it is by choice.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We envy people who are extremely old because we wish to live that long, not because we want to be that old.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A maid’s yard, house, wardrobe, fridge, etc. sometimes also serve as her master’s dustbin or dumpsite.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

If the food that one ate the night before were somehow able to be seen and identified through one’s clothes throughout the day, millions of employees would each fast ten or so days before their payday.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Many of the boys and men who are regarded as immature by some females are so deemed merely because they do not want to get married someday … or soon.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

With regard to things such as independence, mental capabilities, and sexuality, a very old man is nothing but a gigantic infant with white hair and wrinkles.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Life sometimes reminds us that it is sometimes heartless by giving something or someone we really need to someone who does not need or even want them or it.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people who have been working out regularly for months or even years are still out of shape because the number of cheat days they have in a week exceeds six.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some of the people who hate me love some of the sentences that I have written, until they get to the name of the person to whom the sentences are attributed.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people have contracted HIV during their separate endeavours to give someone or some people a curable STD.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

You cannot be truly humble, unless you truly believe that life can and will go on without you.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some social ills are preserved by the common misbelief that things such as ignorance, greed, and stupidity do not have the stamina required to reach old age.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A truly compassionate man gives a poor woman a portion of his meal before he eats, not after he has eaten.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Many a death was precipitated by the food, the job, or the medication whose main function was to postpone it.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

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Humour Quotes - Page 5

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