Humour Quotes - Page 21

More people would be depressed, if parents tried to please their children as frequently and as badly as children try to please their parents.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some men are so indoctrinated that they sincerely believe that other than cooking and cleaning the only thing that a woman can do better than them is being a woman.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Julesa: "Are you a fool? Father will have you hung if he realises you've escaped."Never: "Everyone dies from something.

Reacher prowled the hallway, his gun stiff-armed way out in front of him, his torso jerking violently left and right from the hips, like a crazy disco dance. The house-storming shuffle.

Lee Child

Good God! I'm out of tobacco.

Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good care of them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

And he had been very badly treated by a girl too. He had thought her a really civilised and adult personality, and then she had unexpectedly revealed that she was a mass of bourgeois prejudices and monogamic instincts.

The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least like.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

There's meaning in thy snores.

William Shakespeare

Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

To increase the chances of a writer trying to kill themselves, cut off their hands.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Who are you after?”“The snarky asshole one.”“Could you be a little more specific.”“The one who has a staff and throws their toys out of the pram that one.”“Ooh.”“Yeah.

Charon Lloyd-Roberts

Yeah no shit, try asking random people about a bird owned by someone you don't know!” Javal countered “Well still you got it!” Javal acknowledged this with a small grin “Now what?” Javal asked Ingra scratched his head “Yeah...Well Dilmore suggested the idea....Not me.

Charon Lloyd-Roberts

Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The innocent little girl said at the end of her prayer "Jesus, please take care of yourself because if anything happens to you, we are all in trouble

Kingsley Opuwari Manuel

Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

There is nothing harder to explain than humor.

What does "poet laureate" mean? Nothing. It means a person with laurel branches twined around his head. Which is not something people do much now.

Nicholson Baker

Humor: the divine flash that reveals the world in its moral ambiguity and man in his profound incompetence to judge others; humor: the intoxicating relativity of human things; the strange pleasure that conies of the certainty that there is no certainty.But humor, to recall Octavio Paz, is "the great invention of the modern spirit." It has not been with us forever, and it won't be with us forever either.With a heavy heart, I imagine the day when Panurge no longer makes people laugh.

Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Death would be an extremely bad thing like most of us paint it, if being dead were painful.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

After a certain point, all natural bodily changes are for the worst.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Do what is right. Not what you like.

Omoruyi Uwuigiaren

Some people love but will never marry each other. Some are married to but have never loved and will never love each other.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We'll see what you find out," Stew said. "You'll find out what it feels like to be thrown from a speeding train to the rocky bottom of a drained sea. Except you won't really find out, because you'll be dead. Get it? What I mean is, it'll kill you when I throw you from this train so you'll be in no state to find out what it feels like. Get it? Due to your death by falling from a train.

It is hard to be kind to those who smack the hands that feed you.

Remember the plan?” Hunter asked as they drew closer to their target.Kristen looked at him sceptically. "'Keep quiet and don’t get seen’ is not a very professional plan. Did you have anything else to add?

Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their partners had happened to them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the electronic version of some books.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people are each envious of the person they used to be.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Finding out that you are not your lover’s only lover hurts, but not as much as discovering that you are the side chick … or the side dick.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We think we like or love some people until we see them regularly.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We sometimes try to impress people we just met by not trying to impress them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people wouldn’t still be sane, if they were not religious or superstitious; some wouldn’t be disabled or dead.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

During the next week, everyone noticed that my appetite had improved, even Toddy. “Are you done with your hunger strike?” he asked me curiously, one morning. “Toddy, eat your breakfast.” “But I thought that was what it was called. When people don’t eat.” “No, a hunger strike is for people in prison,” Kitsey said coolly. “Kitten,” said Mr. Barbour, in a warning tone. “Yes, but he ate three waffles yesterday,” said Toddy, looking eagerly between his uninterested parents in an attempt to engage them. “I only ate two waffles. And this morning he ate a bowl of cereal and six pieces of bacon, but you said five pieces of bacon was too much for me. Why can’t I have five pieces, too?

But when she was annoyed with me, she had a cold way of saying “Apparently” in answer to almost anything I said, making me feel stupid. “Um, I can’t find the can opener.” “Apparently.” “There’s going to be a lunar eclipse tonight.” “Apparently.” “Look, sparks are coming out of the wall socket.” “Apparently.

If I could do it all again, I would start three hundred years ago, and write twice as fast.

Peter James West

If I could split myself into five people, I would still be behind on my writing schedule. I see now why James Patterson cloned himself so many times.

Peter James West

Hunter could only groan. “What are you doing, Kristen?”“Bringing breakfast.” She replied innocently. “Think of it as thanks for saving my life.”Hunter sat up in bed, looking his usual ruffled morning mess, with extra dark circles under the eyes today. “Technically, I didn’t save your life, Mel did.”“Ok, then think of it as punishment for putting my life at risk.” Kristen shrugged, and helped herself to a piece of toast. “It’s all a ruse, anyway.

And if you can't trust an ancient talking tree, what was the point of having one?

Michael J. Sullivan

When you are suffering from sexual starvation, a spank or even a hug seems like a porn scene.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

You know why horror-movie characters always get killed? Because they've never seen horror movies. They don't know how it works. Right? But we do. So no one go into the basement alone. No one go screaming off into the woods alone. No one has any sex.

There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

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