Humour Quotes - Page 2

Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he earns; and many a man would not be in a relationship with or married to his woman, if he earned twice as much as he earns.

Carl R White

We human beings regard ourselves as (or compare ourselves to) animals only when it suits us.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

If we had to earn our age by thinking for ourselves at least once a year, only a handful of people would reach adulthood.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as beautiful as she is).

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

To evade insanity and depression, we unconsciously limit the number of people toward whom we are sincerely sympathetic.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they almost always have to remind you to miss them).

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The answer to the question ‘How many children do you have?’ and the one to the question ‘How many children are you raising?’ are not identical in all cases: some men are not taking care of their own children, some are knowingly or unknowingly raising other men’s children, and some do not even know that they each have a child, another child, or other children.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

More people would be depressed, if parents tried to please their children as frequently and as badly as children try to please their parents.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some men are so indoctrinated that they sincerely believe that other than cooking and cleaning the only thing that a woman can do better than them is being a woman.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good care of them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least like.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

To increase the chances of a writer trying to kill themselves, cut off their hands.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The innocent little girl said at the end of her prayer "Jesus, please take care of yourself because if anything happens to you, we are all in trouble

Kingsley Opuwari Manuel

Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their partners had happened to them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people wouldn’t still be sane, if they were not religious or superstitious; some wouldn’t be disabled or dead.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

There would be fewer absent fathers, if straight men were turned on only by women with whom they would not mind having children.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

An arrogant man whose arrogance we see from his own behaviour is more tolerable than a humble man whose humility we hear of from his own mouth.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Every single person is a fool, insane, a failure, or a bad person to at least ten people.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some women have kissed—and some are kissing—a lot of frogs, even though the very first man that they have each kissed was and is still a prince.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The least we each ought to do for someone who treats us like a king or a queen is to treat them like a prince or a princess.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Unrequited love is a billion times less intolerable than unrequited hate.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with whom they want or wanted to have sex.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal than the elderly.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a man is jealous of his own car, house, wardrobe, or salary.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

After my parents were dead, I found in a box and in two chests of drawers nothing but hundreds of bright red Alpine caps, I said, nothing but bright red Alpine stockings. Every one of them knitted by my mother. My parents could have gone into the High Alps with these bright red caps and bright red stockings for thousands of years. I burnt every one of those bright red caps and bright red stockings, I said. I put on one of my mother's hundreds of bright red Alpine caps and in this costume burnt all the others, laughing, laughing, continuously laughing, I said.(Goethe Dies, p.65)

Thomas Bernhard

Casting a curious gaze down on planet Earth, extra-terrestrial beings could well be forgiven for assuming that we humans are programmed in every move we make, by a palm-sized, oblong, slab of glass. More perplexing than that, who on earth could convince them otherwise ?

Alex Morritt

I am strangely excited to see how snarky and sarcastic all us bookworms are going to become when we’re old. We’ll all be Mother Ogma’s with tattoos and piercings and purple WoW leggings carrying wands and staffs, and best of all everyone’s hair will finally be able to hold colour because we’ll all have white hair! We’ll all be blogging on WordPress and still waiting for Sherlock and still celebrating Christmas with Doctor Who specials while our grandchildren play quidditch…

Katelynn Hillier

I thought the trees down in Lady Zelana’s country were about as big as a tree could get,” he said, “but the ones around here are so tall that they probably tickle the moon’s tummy when she goes by.

David Eddings

And yet methinks the older that one growsInclines us more to laugh than scold, though laughterLeaves us so doubly serious shortly after.

George Gordon Byron

They were like animals, men. They found too much eye contact threatening.

Jojo Moyes

He laughs. "No! Aguaje is for girls. If a man eats to much of it, he starts to look like a woman.""That is the most unscientific thing I've ever heard.""Then you haven't met my cousin Jacari." Eio swings the string of fruit back and forth. " Too much aguaje. Now the mothers use him as wet nurse."My mouth freezes in mid-bite, and I stare at him. "You're teasing me."A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. "Maybe.

Jessica Khoury

One day we found them. They must of been holding a gook convention or something, cause it seem like the same sort of deal as when you step on a anthill and they all come swarming around.

Winston Groom

But a cock does not enter a hen… it enters a…meow-meow!

Faraaz Kazi

...trying to predict whether global warming will moderate the next ice age is not only impossible but irrelevant. It doesn't help us get through the next few centuries. And one can only imagine our future, shivering, ice age descendants cursing us for leaving them no fossil fuel to create a global warming "greenhouse" effect when one is really needed.

John Harte

Historical Re-creation, he thought glumly, as they picked their way across, under, over or through the boulders and insect-buzzing heaps of splintered timber, with streamlets running everywhere. Only we do it with people dressing up and running around with blunt weapons, and people selling hot dogs, and the girls all miserable because they can only dress up as wenches, wenching being the only job available to women in the olden days.

Terry Pratchett

A sturdy hold, but I think there's something up with the material.

Pete Sortwell

While the archetype of the tinker is generally the whipping person in classical bedtimes stories, this particular individual was a tinker by trade and just happened to be economically disadvantaged.

James Finn Garner

Don't turn blue all over now.

Amish Tripathi

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Humour Quotes - Page 2

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