Humour Quotes - Page 12

He’d never been shy, but he’d always been a little uncertain around girls. He just couldn’t believe they liked him.

A million possible endearments ran through his head. But he said, “Help.

Isn’t he cute? That he thinks he has a sense of humour?

You dance?”“I think that might be overly optimistic,” he said. “I do something. I’ll try not to hurt you.

I’ll always be your friend,” he said. “Your best friend, if you let me. But I want to be your lover, too.” He groaned and shifted in his chair. “Soon. I want to be that soon.” Then a look came over him. “Oh Gina…I didn’t even court you! God, I should date you first before I beg you to take off your clothes!

I mean, I don’t want to pass judgment—I just wish my husband didn’t shoot deer.”“Oh, Mel, don’t worry. I’ve been hunting with your husband—the deer are completely safe.

Big surprise, I put you to sleep. Don’t feel bad. It happens all the time.

You should get a better boyfriend. One with an IQ higher than a turnip.

Peyton, I’m not married and you’re not a lesbian. Think of the possibilities.

Then what’s this?” She raised her glass of expensive wine, used it to indicate their plush surroundings.His gaze followed her indication around the dim-lit, upmarket Italian restaurant. “Dinner in comfort.”“With a side order of persuasion?”“More like an offer I’m hoping you can’t refuse.

Focus. She’s Maddie. Your friend. Would you eyeball Keith or Dane’s butt like that? ~ Zach

Basically, dating is like climbing a volcano and you never know when it’s going to erupt, dumping molten lava and burning you

Meet Logan Jackson, smug, self-entitled, proud, arrogant, trust-fund brat.

Is there a reason why you’re standing there, staring out the window and watching the neighbors? Are we preparing to kill them and drag them down to the basement and bury them alive?

I knew that I was talented. I was positive about that. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was talented at, but I was ambitious enough to wait it out and see what turned up.

So off had gone John to the wars again. But he had not remained for long in the position of a humble volunteer. Colonel Clifton, commanding the 1st Regiment of Dragoons, no sooner heard that Crazy Jack was back then he enrolled him as an extra aide-de-camp.

Georgette Heyer

I am a writer, I'm supposed to be intense and emotional,

Natasha Duncan-Drake

There’s only one person to blame for lack of self confidence

Benny Bellamacina

When it comes to your self-esteem, it is best not to value the opinions of deluded psychopaths.

Rosen Trevithick

If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.

The perfect body protects its owner from disease, gives birth to amazing new people and stops your bones from falling out. The end.

A VIP area is nothing without not-so-important people.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The best thing to learn from any government is that it does not get affacted by what other people talk or think about it.

If you forget who you've become remember who you are

Benny Bellamacina

Even while we hate, we still have that deep unusual compassion for our rivals, and they hate it when they realize that we are feeling sorry for them.

Michael Bassey Johnson

The only thing I hate about good people is that they like making their being good people bad people’s problem.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The pleasure or the benefit that the object of our deed derives from it is every now and then greater or even more important than the one we derive from the deed.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Every single good person is a good person for their own sake, not for the sake of humanity, not even for the sake of another human being.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

No single bad person regards themselves as a bad person.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

To label someone as selfless is symptomatic of having bought the preposterous claim that a human being can have great concern for other human beings and little concern for themselves, or that, when taken to extremes, a human being can have great concern for other human beings and absolutely no concern for themselves.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It is humanly impossible to be selfless. As a matter of fact, human beings are inherently selfish.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Jesus paid for our sins, so let's get our money's worth.

Linc was so amazed at what he saw and heard, “This is sooo cool. I love this place. This looks way better than a day spotting weird people at Walmart.

I thought you guys could detect witches." Jonathan muttered as soon as he got over his shock at seeing two people materialise in front of him. The wiccan sat on the floor, his shoulder being strapped with a makeshift bandage, by the ever-practical Ian."We detect magic, not witches." Hunter clarified. "We can't feel anything out of the ordinary, unless they start casting.""Oh fantastic!" Jonathan groaned. "I'll remember that excuse later.

As usual, he saves his wife's for last. He leans on the cane and he looks at the headstone and he thinks about many things. Taffy. He thinks about taffy. He thinks it would take his teeth out now, but he would eat it anyhow, if it meant eating it with her.

There is a point in the future where even the worst disaster starts to settle into an anecdote.

Tell me, Lothaire, I want to know. Convince me why I should love you.”“Because any other female would!

Kurt pick his way around testing for heat before taking each step and avoiding places where the ash was heaps up.

I am halfway through Hillary Clinton's latest called "Living History"...pretty lighthearted on the scale...unlike David Hick's autobiography...I had to skip a couple of hundred pages in the middle of that one because it was too distressing for me to read. Undoubtedly yours will be the same...I will read the beginning, skip all the awful bit in the middle and read your happy ever after bit at the end.

We can't all be bakers or chefs. Many of us have modest ambitions. But we can all buy a piece of the pie.

Manager! Have brain - use it!

It doesn't matter what your boss thinks as long as he doesn't cry.

To find your way you must first take the steps

Idiocy in the modern age isn't an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It's a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time.

Lately...the Peter Principle has given way to the "Dilbert Principle." The basic concept of the Dilbert Principle is that the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.

Theory of Evolution (Summary)First, there were some amoebas. Deviant amoebas adapted better to the environment, thus becoming monkeys. Then came Total Quality Management.

A firm's income statement may be, likened to a bikini-what it reveals is interesting but what it conceals is vital.

Burton G. Malkiel

During the gold rush its a good time to be in the pick and shovel business

If you want a man who's commited, go look in a mental hospital.

Alexandra Potter

The wild women in his lap,' my father enthused, 'laying their breasts on his head.'There was a moment of stunned silence. Then my mother spoke slowly, with an edge to her voice. 'I think you mean "wild beasts laying their heads in his lap".''Do I?

Patrick Rothfuss

Okay, guys. Stop it. Are you going to start peeing on me to mark your territory?

Maegan Lynn Moores

Your brother was a terrible traitor, I know, but if we start killing men at weddings they’ll be even more frightened of marriage than they are presently.

George R.R. Martin

That Damon Matthews,” Linda spat. “You know, take one letter out of his name and it spells ‘ damn’ as in ‘damn, that kid’s a worthless sonovabitch’.

Let's put it like this; men like Berkley, like me, we don't get a no for an answer, a girl who says no is like a... like a unicorn, and we all want to **** the unicorn!

Men like fun much more than they like clever

Mhairi McFarlane

Men are mystifying creatures. For instance why do all men think their penis is a panacea for all the world’s problems?

I look in the glass sometimes at my two long, cylindrical bags (so picturesquely rugged about the knees), my stand-up collar and billycock hat, and wonder what right I have to go about making God's world hideous. Then wild and wicked thoughts come into my heart. I don't want to be good and respectable. (I never can be sensible, I'm told; so that don't matter.) I want to put on lavender-colored tights, with red velvet breeches and a green doublet slashed with yellow; to have a light-blue silk cloak on my shoulder, and a black eagle's plume waving from my hat, and a big sword, and a falcon, and a lance, and a prancing horse, so that I might go about and gladden the eyes of the people. Why should we all try to look like ants crawling over a dust-heap? Why shouldn't we dress a little gayly? I am sure if we did we should be happier. True, it is a little thing, but we are a little race, and what is the use of our pretending otherwise and spoiling fun? Let philosophers get themselves up like old crows if they like. But let me be a butterfly.

Jerome K. Jerome

What’s a TH?”“A Traffic Hazard,” Heeb clarified.“Oh you mean because the woman is so hot she’ll take your eyes off the road?” Narc confirmed.“Exactly.

Zack Love

What’s SQ?” asked Evan.“Sexual Quotient.”“What’s that?”“Basically, it’s your odds of getting laid. Everyone has an SQ. just like everyone has an IQ.”“I’ve never heard that term before.”“That’s because I made it up.”“That figures. Finally applying your actuarial skills to what really matters, eh?

Zack Love

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