Humor Quotes - Page 93

Gentlemen do not carry a cane or a hat? No gloves?”“Gentleman may still wear them, but I’m afraid the problem is that there aren’t many left.

Camilla Isley

As long as I can remember, male candy eaters have been ill-used, misunderstood, and denigrated, in films and on television, as weak, self-indulgent, soft, effeminate, undisciplined, and venal. Most of us have been driven underground. We eat our candy alone and on the sly. We never experience the intimacy of sharing candy with others—unless we have chosen our mates wisely.

Jeffrey Steingarten

The Beta Male is seldom the strongest or the fastest, but because he can anticipate danger, he far outnumbers his Alpha Male competition. The world is led by Alpha Males, but the machinery of the world turns on the bearings of the Beta Male.

Christopher Moore

A wise man once said NOTHING... He just let her vent, nodded his head and live happily ever after!

Tanya Masse

When you make things too easy on someone, you’re giving them a discount on your worth; and this causes them to regard you as inferior.

K.M.Docherty

No one can be your sun, moon, or stars until you have your own world.

K.M.Docherty

Females and boys are the only creatures that propose others for friendship. As for the rest of us, friendship sort of just happens.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Apparently profanity had a way of making men listen.

Megan Shepherd

I'm going to write a book about an intelligent woman who does stupid things when it comes to men. I'll call it, "My Memoirs.

N.M. Silber

Well,” Lynx said once the man was dead. “That was…uneventful.”“You’re as fickle as an old woman,” Zeus told Lynx. “One minute too much carnage, the next not enough.

Shay Rucker

Courage is like a muscle. We strengthen it by use.

Ruth Gordo

Both men accepted that the nature of the request, its intimacy and self-conscious reflection on their friendship, had created, for the moment, an uncomfortable emotional proximity which was best dealt with by their parting without another word.

Ian McEwan

Men, she decided, were a strange, thick-skulled, ball-kicking species no one on earth could have a sensible conversation with.

Irma Joubert

A woman has to look good, but a man—a little bit nicer looking than a monkey is enough.

Meir Shalev

But when a man is really in love he can't help looking like a sheep. Now whenever that young man looked he looked like a sheep I take back all is this morning. It is genuine.

Agatha Christie

Men don't ask other men if they're getting home OK, they just assume that beneath the frail, weak exterior lurks a muscle-building kung fu master fearless of ever being mugged.

Kate Griffin

Sometimes the way to a man's heart is through his talleywacker.

Sabrina Jeffries

Chocolate, coffee, and ice cream were far more reliable when it came to providing a good time, and at least they would never disappoint me.

Keri Arthur

Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious.

P.G. Wodehouse

Guys don't want women with good taste, guys want women who taste good.

Sheryl J. Anderson

Maybe I should let my faithful manservant answer the rest of your questions, since he seems to have all the answers.""I'm saving her time," Bodie replied. "She brings you a redhead, you'll give her grief. Look for women with class, Annabelle. That's most important. The sophisticated types who went to boarding schools and speak French. She has to be the real thing because he can spot a phony a mile away. And he likes them athletic.""Of course he does," she said dryly. "Athletic, domestic, gorgeous, brilliant, socially connected, and pathologically submissive. It'll be a snap.""You forgot hot." Heath smiled. "And defeatist thinking is for losers. If you want to be a success in this world, Annabelle, you need a positive attitude. Whatever the client wants, you get it for him. First rule of a successful business.""Uh-huh. What about career women?""I don't see how that would work.""The kind of potential mate you're describing isn't going to be sitting around waiting for her prince to show up. She's heading a major corporation. In between those Victoria's Secret modeling gigs."He lifted an eyebrow. "Attitude, Annabelle. Attitude.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I don't think Harry cares about being forgiven," Poppy said glumly."Of course he does. Men love to be forgiven. It makes us feel better about our inability to learn from our mistakes.

Lisa Kleypas

You have a minute and a half left.""Fine," she snapped. "Then I'll reduce this conversation to one single fact. Today I had six callers. Six! Can you recall the last time I had six callers?"Anthony just stared at her blankly."I can't," Daphne continued, in fine form now. "Because it has never happened. Six men marched up our steps, knocked on our door, and gave Humboldt their cards. Six men brought me flowers, engaged me in conversation, and one even recited poetry."Simon winced."And do you know why?" she demanded, her voice rising dangerously. "Do you?"Anthony, in his somewhat belatedly arrived wisdom, held his tongue."It is all because he"—she jabbed her forefinger toward Simon—"was kind enough to feign interest in me last night at Lady Danbury's ball.

Julia Quinn

Claude rubs the back of his neck and wrinkles his nose, about to tell me he was never sad. I believe this is called bravado and is not limited to lawyers, or even men, although that combination makes it almost unavoidable.

Rachel Hartman

I'm fairly certain that, at this very minute, the [Mars Polar Lander] is floating somewhere around the Neptune feeling tired and cranky and looking for a Holiday Inn.Of course, you'd have to have a heart of titanium not to feel a twinge of sadness while watching those dejected NASA scientiest waiting by the phone like the class wallflower on prom week.On the other hand, it was kind of fun to watch a bunch of men waiting by the phone and seeing how they feel when someone promises they'll call and then YOU NEVER HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN.

Celia Rivenbark

He had threatened my parents. I had to remember that. Still, it was really hard to stay mad at a wounded naked man.

Darynda Jones

Throughout the course of the day, Bobby Tom's irritation over his artificially oiled and dirt-smeared chest and his unzipped jeans had flared into righteous indignation. They were treating him like a sex object! It was damned demeaning, that's what it was, being reduced to a set of oil pecs and a tight ass. Shit. A dozen years in the NFL, and this was what it had all come down to. Pecs and ass.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

...When a man first awakens, it sometimes takes several moments before he starts thinking clearly.""And here I thought it took several years, perhaps a lifetime for the average man's intellect to kick in.

Karen Marie Moning

Proper handling of a horse like this is no simple matter. He was trained to race, from birth. Not only to race, but to be the best. Once a champion, he was spoiled with attention and permissive handling. Add to that, he's an ungelded male, with a strong natural mating drive. It all adds up to a horse with a mile-wide streak of arrogance, bloody bored out of his mind. Without proper exercise and opportunities to mate, all that aggressive energy festers. He becomes moody, intractable, withdrawn, destructive."Ashworth raised an eyebrow at Bellamy. "Is it just me, or is this conversation becoming uncomfortably personal?"Spencer fumed. "I'm not referring to myself, you ass.

Tessa Dare

There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately.

Dave Barry

We assured Phelan that we were more than happy to let him have you and your menagerie,” Leo retorted.“After that, he said he needed to think.”“About what?” Beatrix demanded. “What is there to think about? Why is it taking him so long to make a decision?”“He’s a man, dear,” Amelia explained kindly. “Sustained thinking is very difficult for them.

Lisa Kleypas

it never really occurred to her that literary men, if they like women at all, do not want literary women but girls.

Muriel Spark

Darlin’, the last time I walked into a mall was two presidents ago.” I stared at him in shock. Then I asked, “Is that even possible?” “I got a dick and I was single so, yeah, it’s possible.

Kristen Ashley

...and then she realized: they WERE all alike!

Anne Taintor

Yes, he is a man, so genetically he's engineered to be dense about many things, but he's not stupid.

Katie MacAlister

It was the short men that caused all the trouble in the world.

Ian Fleming

Men are like dogs," Stacy was fond of saying. And she usually went on to add that, like dogs, they all took up too much space on the bed, and they always went for the crotch.

Lisa Kleypas

Some men break your heart in two,Some men fawn and flatter,Some men never look at you;And that cleans up the matter.

Dorothy Parker

I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.

Darynda Jones

Of course, he didn't know anything about these Indonesians, or why they would have been there at this moment to save his life, but the fact that they had guns and weren't firing them at him implied that for the moment, at least, they were his dearest friends.

Orson Scott Card

It is one of the major tragedies that nothing is more discomforting than the hearty affection of the Old Friends who never were friends.

Sinclair Lewis

You know, maybe we don't need enemies.""Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.

Bill Watterson

Have you ever noticed that idiots have a lot of friends? It's just an observation.

Markus Zusak

Just for the record, I have come to fear all of your ideas in advance, simply from having endured enough of them.

Violet Haberdasher

Choosing friends based on how much money they have is like betting on a horse because you like its saddle.

Stephen Smoke

Why don’t we do the whole friends with benefits thing?” he asks seriously.“Because I don’t think I’d enjoy having the benefits you give me removed” I answer back not missing a beat.“Just friends it is then” he says not perturbed and starts eating his lunch.

R.S. Burnett

Middle school is kind of like Middle-earth. It’s a magical journey filled with elves, dwarves, hobbits, queens, kings, and a few corrupt wizards. Word to the wise: pick your traveling companions well. Ones with the courage and moral fiber to persevere. Ones who wield their lip gloss like magic wands when confronted with danger. This way, when you pass through the congested hallways rife with pernicious diversion, you achieve your desired destination—or at least your next class.-CeCee, Lucy and CeCee's How to Survive (and Thrive) in Middle School

Kimberly Dana

You know, just sit in the corner and glare at him the whole time. See if he crumbles.” “I’ve seen your hard-ass face, Tuck,” Charlie said. “Mostly, you just look constipated. Ford, you’d better do the glaring.

Julie James

As special as it is to listen to your friends argue over whether or not you have a mental illness,I'm starting to get the urge to go back to class.

Kendare Blake

What is the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich, exactly?” Tess asked, pursing her lips. Erin knew it was her attempt at making light of a heavy situation.“You know, just the right amount of jelly where it doesn’t squish out when you bite into it. Not so much peanut butter that you get all goopy-mouthed. Making the perfect PBJ is an art form. And it has to be fresh white bread, and the best grape jelly and creamy peanut butter on the market. No exceptions.”Tess bobbed her head. “Ah, yes. The dreaded goopy mouth.

Jenny Lyn

A present is not the source of buying someone's love but its a source of showing how much u love and apriciate that particular person

Ralph Ramovha

Seeing him jogging at the park had cracked the window so I could peek into his soul. Seeing him with his friends threw the window wide

Jennifer Echols

God gives us relatives; thank God, we can choose our friends.

Addison Mizner

A man who looks like Frodo just spent $150 on erotica books and asked for my phone number. I considered giving him yours just to spite you.

Syrie James

Hey, Melissa-is there anything I should know about having this kid that isn't in the books I've been reading?"Sunlight streamed through the window, making the golden, hormone-induced mutton chops glisten upon my cheeks. As I waited for her answer, I thumbed through the glossy parenting magazines on her kitchen table.A candle flickered by the sink, adding sweetness to the spit-up scented air that was gutting punched in the face by a diaper change...

Kim Bongiorno

You're funny.' Phoebe passed me the last chocolate cupcake. 'And I always thought your friends were laughing over their own farts.''Ninety percent of Eastwood's male population laughs over their own farts. Present company excluded, naturally.

Robyn Schneider

Of all the gifts you can get, friends and family are the best!

Jan Britland

Don't let your teeth make you lose respect by permanently keeping them opened for the sake of being friendly.

Michael Bassey Johnson

I’ve been living on the edge for so long, my friends call me Cliff

Benny Bellamacina

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Humor Quotes - Page 93

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