Humor Quotes - Page 80

I used to look at Jinks and marvel at her smooth complexion, but over the years I have come to realise that she has been spared wrinkles by virtue of never having succumbed to heavy thought.

Sandi Toksvig

Satire is enjoyable compensation for being forced to think.

Edgar Johnson

My dull brain was wrought with things forgotten.

William Shakespeare

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head...

Bill Cosby

Never send a Man in to do a Donkey's job

Josh Stern

I am not going to pretend to write a love letter to another man.

Julianne Donaldson

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

Honoré de Balzac

My MOTIVATION was struggling..I got Tired of it!

Kalon Jackson

Man has been bestowed with all the senses, Alas! What a drama, we are yet to know the art of using it!

Ramana Pemmaraju

An optimist is a man who plant two acorns and buy a hammock.

Jean de Lattre de Tassigny

This may be impossible for you to believe," Colt said in a hushed voice, "but as recently as last year, I was a hyper, naive-albeit extremely good-looking-minor myself.""And now you're a persistent, outdoorsy, unshaven man-boy who cavorts with clones of your former self?"Colt plucked a round stone out of the water. "I prefer boy-man, but the rest of the sentence sounded fairly accurate.

Karsten Knight

Well if manners maketh man make-up maketh woman.And we don't need a phalanx of behavioural scientists to explain why man judge women by their looks.Because the see bether than thay think.

Kathy Lette

so, what are you in for? MANSLAUGHTER!!! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN!! JUST LIKE A PIG!!! PUT HIM ON A SPIT AND PUT AN APPLE IN HIS MOUTH!!!!

Brian Regan

Man who hates cats is insecure, but a man who likes them is one worth keeping. If he can appreciate a cat, he can appreciate a strong, independent woman.

Larissa Ione

They're butterflies because...well, he thought it was cool. They eat humans.

Katsura Hoshino

A Man who has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feeling.

William Nsubuga

Feelings are like chemicals, the more you analyze them the worse they smell.

Charles Kingsley

Having writers block sucks more than my actual writing. And my writing would be astonishing if I could write how I feel.

Ally Spina

She fucking turns me inside out.""Women who matter have a way of doing that." Lucas scowled. "We sound like a couple of women, talking about feelings. I think Sascha's having a bad influence on me.""You started it.

Nalini Singh

Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert

Josh Stern

The interior of the arms dealer's private jet was so ugly it hurt my feelings as well as my eyeballs.

Terry Hayes

I have a very low eerie threshold.

Jandy Nelson

Want to talk about it?" I asked gently.He smirked at me. "I appreciate the offer, but I'm a guy. We don't do that." My nose scrunched up in confusion. "We don't discuss our feelings.""That's a relief; I don't want to talk about it either.

Lani Woodland

I stood up in a flash and flushed a light shade of furious.

J.L. McCoy

On the porch were the still-smoking remains of long-stemmed roses, evidence that someone angry and passive-aggressive didn't know Peter was out of town.

Theric Jepson

Too bad. Game over. Insert new fucking quarter.

Nenia Campbell

He curled his claw into a fist. "I'd like to shove a stake up that bastard's ass."Adam's lip curled. "Remind me not to piss you off."The demon raised his brow. "Trust that shit, mancy.

Jaye Wells

God picked me to be his punching bag...so who am I suposed to pray to for mercy?

S.L.J. Shortt

The four men were in the kitchen laughing over breakfast when the door slammed open with such force that it knocked a picture off the wall. In unison, they jumped to their feet, not knowing what had hit them. “What?! It wasn’t enough for you to shoot me and kidnap me, so you had to go and butcher my hair? IS THAT IT?” she yelled at the top of her lungs.

Debra Trueman

Dr Adams was following my orders if you want to blame someone blame me -casiusoh i do,I'm just so pissed i had extra left over - Jace

D.D. Barant

I tell you, I'm half tempted to break into CIA custody just so I can break Joe Solomon out of CIA custody just so I can break Joe Solomon

Ally Carter

That man has some seriously oversized ovaries. Can you say PMS? He barked at anyone and everyone before shoving his way outside.

H.M. Ward

That man has some seriously oversized ovaries. Can you say PMS? He braked at anyone and everyone before shoving his way outside.

H.M. Ward

Inu-Yasha: Is it my imagination, or have you been a little prickly l

Rumiko Takahashi

If I facepalm myself too much, maybe the pimples will go away.

Sam Mamaril

The German language is so sonorous, isn't it? Beautiful language...the language of poetry. Angry, angry poetry.

John Oliver

Do you still want me to go to hell? I must admit, I don't know the way.

Robert Thier

There are as many kinds of anger as there are of the sunsets with which they ought to end.

George MacDonald

God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock.

Stephen King

I kept a straight face while my inner Neanderthal spluttered and then went on a mental rampage through a hypothetical produce section, knocking over shelves and spattering fruit everywhere in sheer frustration, screaming, 'JUST TELL ME WHOSE SKULL TO CRACK WITH MY CLUB, DAMMIT!

Jim Butcher

Nothing frustrates people more than a cocky guy who's still winning.

Criss Jami

[Harrier] locked eyes with Zanattar. He couldn't remember another time in his life when he'd been this angry and hadn't hit something.

Mercedes Lackey

It isn't often that Aunt Dahlia lets her angry passions rise, but when she does, strong men climb trees and pull them up after them.

P.G. Wodehouse

. . . mixing defensiveness with anger - a wonderful mix, by the way.

Liza Palmer

If I say you're a goatherd's son, you say, 'Yes, Lord Ralon.'"Alanna gasped with fury. "I'd as soon kiss a pig! Is that what you've been doing-kissing pigs? Or being kissed?

Tamora Pierce

A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.

David Sedaris

Hespe's mouth went firm. She didn't scowl exactly, but it looked like she was getting all the pieces of a scowl together in one place, just in case she needed them in a hurry.

Patrick Rothfuss

Why can't I go to Idris with you, then?Because it's not safe for you thereO and it's safe for me here? I've been nearly killed almost a dozen times in the past month.That's because Valentine has been concentrating on the two Mortal Instruments that were here. He's going to shift his focus to Idris now. We all know it--We're hardly as certain of anything as all that. And the Clave wants to meet Clarissa. You know that, Jace.The Clave can screw itself.

Cassandra Clare

The Swedes have coined the term 'management by perkele' to portray the Finnish managerial approach. Instead of collectively pondering all the possible alternatives and letting every member of the staff from the cleaner to the MD voice their views, as the Swedes do, the Finns act swiftly and don't waste time on the decision-making process. If something isn't happening quickly enough, it is necessary for the top managers to slam their fists on the table and yell, 'Perkele!' Repeatedly, if necessary.

Tarja Moles

It's the only way anything will change. Because we are both mother and child, cause and effect, villain and victim

Jason Najum

In WASP families, if you don't get along with someone, you have as little to do with them as possible. In Jewish families, you move next door, to make them as miserable as possible.

Doreen Orion

New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures of Britney Spears's vagina getting out of a car. Television has desensitizes us to violence, and porn has desensitized us to people getting shot in the eye.

Bill Maher

Apropos of Eskimo, I once heard a missionary describe the extraordinary difficulty he had found in translating the Bible into Eskimo. It was useless to talk of corn or wine to a people who did not know even what they meant, so he had to use equivalents within their powers of comprehension. Thus in the Eskimo version of the Scriptures the miracle of Cana of Galilee is described as turning the water into blubber; the 8th verse of the 5th chapter of the First Epistle of St. Peter ran: ‘Your adversary the devil, as a roaring Polar bear walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.’ In the same way ‘A land flowing with milk and honey’ became ‘A land flowing with whale’s blubber,’ and throughout the New Testament the words ‘Lamb of God’ had to be translated ‘little Seal of God,’ as the nearest possible equivalent. The missionary added that his converts had the lowest opinion of Jonah for not having utilised his exceptional opportunities by killing and eating the whale.

Frederick Hamilton

When she gets rattled, the South really comes out. Once when Daddy tried to cancel our country club membership because he said the dues were too high, she went from zero to Atlanta burning in zero point five seconds.

Jen Lancaster

A good many times I have been present at gatherings of people who, by the standards of the traditional culture, are thought highly educated and who have with considerable gusto been expressing their incredulity at the illiteracy of scientists. Once or twice I have been provoked and have asked the company how many of them could describe the Second Law of Thermodynamics. The response was cold: it was also negative. Yet I was asking something which is about the scientific equivalent of: Have you read a work of Shakespeare's?

C.P. Snow

The fear of death is why we build cathedrals, have children, declare war, and watch cat videos online at three a.m.

Caitlin Doughty

It is a wise man who, when his spouse asks, "How does this look?" can answer honestly without upsetting her.

Tsihugwa Kikuyu

Never trust a German to get a sauce right. Their solution to everything is just add more butter.

Kate Quinn

Danes express their strongest feelings in conjunction with food. That became clear to me the first time I was out visiting friends with Moritz. When I took a third helping of cookies, he looked straight at me."Keep on taking until you're ashamed of yourself," he said.I wasn't confident about my Danish, but I understood what he meant. I helped myself three more times. Without taking my eyes off him. The room disappeared, the people we were visiting disappeared, I didn't taste the cookies. Only Moritz existed."I'm still not ashamed," I said.I helped myself three more times. Then he grabbed the platter and put it out of my reach. I had won. The first of a long series of small, important victories over him and Danish manners.

Peter Høeg

My family’s tradition of ‘matching-matching’ names is so obsessive, it’s against the order of nature. When my uncles Anil and Anant married, they took advantage of a heinous custom in Marathi weddings. After the pheras, a dish of uncooked rice is placed before the newlyweds, and whatever name the husband chooses to write in the rice becomes the new name of his wife.Because marriage in our culture is akin to buying a puppy at a pet shop and saying, ‘I am your new owner, and I shall call you Flu y.’So Anil Adarkar brought home Asha Adarkar (née Kiran), and Anant Adarkar brought home Anita Adarkar (née Geeta). And to complete this picture of divine perfection they named their children Aniket, and Ashwini and Ashleysha, respectively.

Nikita Deshpande

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Humor Quotes - Page 80

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