Humor Quotes - Page 41

It's a watch me watch you watching me kind of love

When you find yourself surrounded by sane people excited about your idea and lending support, you realize, perhaps, you are not as crazy as you think you are

Every author, however modest, keeps a most outrageous vanity chained like a madman in the padded cell of his breast.

Logan Pearsall Smith

...writing Jeeves stories gives me a great deal of pleasure and keeps me out of the public houses.

Ignore people who say you can't do it, even if this person is yourself.

There are as many ways to discover your story as there are to trip over a dog in the kitchen--and some of them feel about as planned.

Jeffrey A. Carver

When I write, it feels like there are two little creatures that sit on each of my shoulders. One whispers, "You can do this. You've got what it takes." The other sounds like my mother-in-law.

Carla H. Krueger

I'd be lying if I said killing off characters wasn't therapeutic in some way.

Well-developed characters will ruin your writing plans every time. You may think you know where you're going with a story, but they have other ideas.

May the words come easy, the doubt be weak, and the coffee strong enough to eat through steel. (I don't drink coffee...but I understand most authors do, and they like it with a bit of fight in it.) Now, let us boot up, sit down, and accrue those daily page counts!

Some days being a writer consists of telling yourself you aren't insane, your characters are.

Writing is my life. Life is my hobby.

Emma Lai

He was a six and a half foot scowl.(on Rachmaninov)

Igor Stravinsky

Here’s the thing - in this damned century, you’ll meet a lot of people who do a lot of things. What’s funny is the fact that the most desirable attributes of these people are nothing but developed and cultured thoughts. And these things come naturally to people who shine bright. The other guys just try to ape these thoughts, in an embarrassing attempt to recreate some of that magic. Sadly,- what looks beautiful as a natural quotient can be extremely funny and disgusting when replicated manually. Stop replicating feelings; else you’ll turn into one of those duplicate personalities. They’re wannabes. You don’t have to become one!

Shomprakash Sinha Roy

I'm a Joker. Dangerous and silly at the same time.

So I've come to the conclusion that it is thus my own fault when these people I have been talking about finally stop saying "Ah" and tell me it's a pity I always do such odd things.

And fair warning, as part of my tortured-soul thing I have to start being mean to you. Apparently that will make me seem strong and make you seem weak. Because strong nowadays means being a total dick.

I'm told I'm very charming when people do what I want.

Does it help if we're so strong-willed, stubborn, ambitious, and selfish that we always overcome everything in our way no matter what?" asked Wang-mu."I think those are the pertinent virtues, yes," said Peter."Then let's do it. That's us in spades.

Orson Scott Card

Why do you work so hard to make yourself disliked? I should think you'd find it happens enough on its own without putting yourself to any extra trouble.

Is she always like this?" "No, usually worse.

You want useless, you have come to the right guy. I can be useless for hours at a time. Weeks even. I'm currently closing in on a month of being totally useless, which is by way of being a personal best.

Sarah Rees Brennan

Oh, Wax has always been solemn, but when he's at his best, there's a smirk underneath.

Brandon Sanderson

A king of a kingdom no one fucking knows about! I'm the tree in the forest that silently falls--when no one is around to be crushed! [Lothaire, Enemy of Old]

To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.

Bauvard

At last a lifetime ambition of mine to become a pimp was satisfied.

True ambition is trying to paint yourself out of a corner

Always stay one step a head, unless you’re already there

Benny Bellamacina

You should really be more careful who you let put their hands on you.” A silky male voice hummed as hot, minty breath wafted around her ear and danced slowly across her nose. Sera inhaled deeply, her skin prickled with goose bumps.

Mr. Carter cleared his throat. “Soy sauce.” He deadpanned. “Really, Sera?

If I were you, I’d clear those cobwebs out because there isn’t a shop-vac out there strong enough to handle that job.

We laughed together. It’s so lovely laughing with a man. It feels positive. Relaxed…

Oh fuck, he was right there. I was wet as hell and he could probably smell me now. I should have eaten strawberries or melon or a dozen roses or an entire mint plant. Did that work for women? I read an article that it worked for men. Their spunk tasted like what they ate. Did my vagina taste like spaghetti right now? God dammit! I shouldn't have eaten dinner!

When I make love to you, Lanie, I want you to feel every inch of me buried deep inside of you, loving you, worshiping your body...

Shock? More like shellshock at this point. Blondie knew I was gay, yet he was a Company Exec or else he wouldn’t be here. I was his butt boy in the worst possible way.When I squinted at him, he gave nothing up. Neither did I. I had shit on this newly minted man too.Double fucking jeopardy, jackass.

I'm going to make love to you, Lanie. I'm not your first, but I will be the last.

Oh, doctor. I think I’m sick I need some penis-cilin.” I fake cough again into my hand.

I want that little blonde bitch in the lobby to hear me screaming your name.

Aaron B. Powell

You think all I can do is frog legs? I got Legs on my mind, alright, but yours. I’ll do whatever it takes the save the ass on top of ‘em and everything else, you hear me?

Well, fella, as much as I’d like to stick something up your ass, it ain’t gonna be my finger or anything else on my body—sorry to disappoint.

I don’t want to talk about it,” she said. Once again he was close. Too close. So damn close. “At all,” she added, hearing with some alarm that her voice had softened. Everything had softened, at just his proximity. “Ever,” she whispered, and found her gaze locked on his mouth.He had a really great mouth.“I don’t want to talk, either,” that mouth said very seriously. And then he lowered his head and kissed her.

She had no idea how long they kissed—and kissed—but she didn’t think about stopping until she ran out of air. Breathing hard, she slowly opened her eyes and stared directly into his.They’d heated. Darkened. And something else. He wasn’t looking so relaxed now. In fact, he was looking the opposite of relaxed. He looked…feral.And she was his prey.

It's a good thing, right, when an author gets turned on by the dirty scenes they write?!

Of course, fingers are one thing. A cock is quite another.

At the Slavemarket:“How is her disposition?” “Meek as meek can be; we tried training her in the care of sheep, but they bullied her, and drove her to tears.”Iayd turned to Fudail’s henchman Falih. Falih was a bald, fat man charged with keeping the slaves in line. His face bore scars that seemed to indicate that he had just recently tried to rob an eagle nest whilst the eagle mother was still at home. His legs stood knock-kneed and he held his groin as if something serious was amiss with the heirlooms entrusted him.“I swear to you, she is an angel sent to earth to spread kindness,” Falih said, his voice somewhat out of pitch. Something must be wrong, thought Iayd.

... I had been brought to boil twice with no pasta.

Vanessa Estrella

While the churches, bringing the sweet smell of piety for the soul, came in prancing and farting like brewery horses in bock-beer time, the sister evangelism, with release and joy for the body, crept in.silently and greyly, with its head bowed and its face covered.

Perhaps it is a good thing that we don't live long enough to realize how redundant things seem :)

What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding in an hour.

An autobiography is inherently incomplete unless the last page is written on the eve of the author's demise.

When your diary is full and your life is empty, get a date

Benny Bellamacina

Life is like a DVR recording. The story goes on, but you cannot see it until you fast forward through the commercials

Christopher Earle

Life is like a one rung ladder, some days you can be on the top and bottom of the world at the same time

Benny Bellamacina

It is logical to look for a green fowl in a dark room even if you know the chance of finding a green fowl in a dark room is slim.

Life is like a double-blind experiment. And the Observer is the only One in on the Know.

The truth about life is complicated, indefensible and embarrassing.

It is better to make an irrational noise in a bush than in a desert.

The only difference between a prayer and a curse is the one who stands to profit.

Some women barter their bodies like whores with wedding bands. Some use sex like a sword. But some women can touch a man and heal like Jesus.

In the real world, in the grand scheme of life, this year is going to count for exactly nothing. These are the friendships that don't last and the choices that don't count. All those things we freak out about now, like who's going to be class president and are we going to win the game this weekend- there's going to be a time when we can't remember caring about them. In exactly three hundred and sixty five days from right now, wearing your letter jacket will make you look like the lamest of losers.

Jen Klein

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