Humor Quotes - Page 37

A loud, purposeful knock on the front door froze him in place with his fist over the fabric. “Hey, dude, it’s me. I brought you all four Bloodsport movies. Open up!” Jason’s voice filtered past the front door, and he and Violet flew apart like teenagers at a party raid. No way. This wasn’t happening. He had not just gotten cock-blocked by his best friend and partner, AKA the only living relative of the woman he’d very nearly stripped naked in his front hallway.

Kimberly Kincaid

Douglas’s fridge was a stainless-steel masterpiece. I’m not that into appliances or anything, but this one was nice and probably cost more than my last apartment. I had the strange desire to hug it every time I came into the kitchen.

Lish McBride

When they reached the stairs, he didn’t make her climb them herself. He picked her up in his arms and carried her to the big bathroom off their bedroom. He didn’t speak, his expression didn’t soften. But he was hard. His cock was like a poker, steely and hot against her hip. His eyes blazed with lust.

Lora Leigh

. . . I still wouldn't be able to control myself around him, and I'm math geek enough to know that equation doesn't work out.

Robin Brande

I spent hours yesterday talking of little but medical symptoms and insane asylums. And you listened as though it were poetry and all but swooned at my feet. It is too bad I don't have any medical treatises about. I'm sure I need read a paragraph or two, and you will become ravenous with lust and begin tearing my clothes off. (Dorian from "The Mad Earl's Bride")

Loretta Chase

I wanted desperately to get all hot and sweaty with this guy, but I knew from experience that hormones affected my sensibilities like alcohol or pot. In the throes of passion I tend to vow my eternal love to a penis I might use and abuse, with little regard for the man connected to it. I'm trying to keep that habit.

Susan Volland

Amazing how a confluence of praise and lust can just make your defensive barriers collapse like Jell-O on a hot stove

Dan Skinner

Piper’s lust was like a single bear trap in the wilderness. It was nearly impossible to find if you were looking for it, but it was something you wanted to be prepared for if you stepped into it by accident.

Maggie Stiefvater

Blood rushed to the regions of my body that I associated with naughtiness, and I was powerless to stop it.

Kat Lowe

I watched a lot of YouTube videos of cute geeky girls playing '80s cover tunes on ukuleles. Technically, this wasn't part of my research, but I had a serious cute-geeky-girls-playing-ukuleles fetish that I can neither explain nor defend.

Ernest Cline

Well enough,” I reply. “Remember, you’re drunk. And happy. You’re supposed to be lusting over your escort. Try smiling a little mo

Marie Lu

Miss Fitt, you know curiosity gets men killed."I grinned. "Then I daresay it's good I'm a woman.

Susan Dennard

Ten minutes later, I chance a second look. They say curiosity killed the cat. I wonder what that cat was looking at, and was it as interesting as this?

Sheena Hutchinson

Mermon's tiny black dot eyes managed to widen into larger black dots. "No, no, no, Sir. I was just... curious." "Curiosity is a good thing, like onion soup. But too much onion soup makes you breath smell terrible. and too much curiosity can make your whole body smell terrible, if it causes you to be dead." Veenie nodded carefully; it was a strange threat, but a threat nonetheless.

Michael Reisman

No time better than the present,’ I always say. Or was that, ‘Nothing is better than a present’? I forget.

Kaza Kingsley

Here, I stole it for you. Why don’t you tell me what it’s for.”“Aw, Sophronia, how thoughtful. You brought me a present!

Gail Carriger

Live in the present. Don't think about things that aren't happening. Definitely don't think about eating cheeseburgers when you're not eating cheeseburgers. First of all, it's not happening. Second of all, it'll just make you hungry.

Amber heart

You have a very attractive revenge streak in you. I like it. A lot.” ~Maggie Mae Castro to FBI Special Agent Clive Poole

Beth Yarnall

Stay on my six, he said, nuzzling the hair at her ear and breathing deeply the sweet scent of her.You remember what that is, right?It's your ass.

Lynn Raye Harris

But one look at Wildcard's face, and he knew there was trouble. Problem? he signaled.Wildcard responded with an obscene gesture that more than conveyed his opinion that not only was this a problem, but it was a big problem...."Okay". That was not anywhere near the complete reaming Muldoon imagined "We'll take a different route down.""We could", Wildcard agreed. "But they've got a prisoner.."Oh man, that hurt. Dream op to nightmare...Muldoon gritted his teeth and considered his options."Holy fuck", Wildcard said. "When I tell you that a stupid ass French photog is going to turn this perfect op into a total clusterfuck, what you say sir, is 'Oh, holy fuck'. If this isn't the time to use your full adult vocabulary, Lieutenant, I honestly don't know what is".

Suzanne Brockmann

If I’m going down, I’m going down with lipstick on.” ~Maggie Mae Castro

Beth Yarnall

What exactly does the I in FBI stand for?” ~Maggie Mae Castro

Beth Yarnall

Great. This girl was going to seriously mess with my ability to stay on parole. ~Maggie Mae Castro

Beth Yarnall

Really? Assaulting an officer? That’s a new one for you.” ~ FBI Special Agent Clive Poole to Maggie Mae Castro

Beth Yarnall

You don't have to be religious to hear God, you just have to be willing, and there's a big difference between the two.

Karyn Rae

Lucy woke with the munchies the night the kidnappers came for her.

Pamela Burford

She swore she'd never turn into her P.I. father...but that was before she ran over the body.

Lida Sideris

Never run after a man or a bus, there's always another one in five minutes.

Cherry Adair

When it comes to exacting revenge, it gets harder and harder to top yourself each successive time

Josh Stern

I was rolling the dead warrior over to steal his cloak, too, knowing it would be far too large on me, when I noticed the blade stashed in the back of his belt. It was solid in my hand, and its blade was sawlike. It would be perfect for gutting the Astonian queen and her traitorous paramour."- Charlaina di Heyse

Kimberly Derting

How well I know you by your deeds and how invariably you succeed in living down to what one expects of you!

Alexandre Dumas

You’re wrong.”“I am?”“I thought things through this time around. I even managed to restrain myself.”Theo stared at her, incredulous. “You did.”“I thought about kicking him in the balls, but I didn’t. I figured that would be over kill.” - Rendezvous with Destiny

Jess Schira

The other good thing was that I had enough rank to strong-arm Marjit into confessing that she'd been the one who'd told everything to Pa about my first invisibility cap, which was how Pa knew to come steal it. Unfortunately, since my rank in the surface world hung off Pa's, I did NOT have enough rank to take him to task for stealing my cap. So I just put him to sleep during a fancy dinner, so that he went facedown into the sour soup. Just the once. It eased my ire terrifically.

Merrie Haskell

Keep your friends close, and your bunny friends closer.

Lawrenz Mejia

Lord of the Muck.

Ottilie Weber

Six months ago when she first came up with the idea to kill Wilson, back when she was living in Memphis, she'd started going to church again. Since she was spending so much time thinking about sinister things, the least she could do, she reasoned, was to think about God and his love twice a week at church so that she wouldn't become a total sociopath. And rather than kill other people who were stand-ins for the person she really wanted to kill, like serial killers did, she'd be kind and generous to others and hone in on the one who deserved to die. And her plan had worked extremely well. Since she'd started planning to kill Wilson, and then decided to destroy his family instead, she felt no animosity toward anyone but him. Almost none at all!

Elizabeth Stuckey-French

Oh, I didn't think it wise to hide it. Might not be able to find it again," I say, cheerily. "It's sitting in plain view on your chair in the great hall. I do hope that was the best place for it.

Libba Bray

I've decided that I'm going to collect as many spiders in a jar as I can and then pour them all over you, William Flecter. Seeing as how it's good to face your fears.

Sharon Biggs Waller

Abbey," Sarah said, "life is to be lived. If you're living, you're going to stumble along the way.""All the time?" Abigail lept to her feet and began to pace. "I have such a bad temper and when I was in my teens, I wasn't above using my gift for revenge. None of you did that."Joley slowly raised her hand, sliding down in the chair as she did so. Hannah followed suit, though she didn't look in the least remorseful. Sarah shrugged her shoulders and raised her hand and glared at Elle, who just grinned sheepishly and put up a couple of fingers. Carol tossed her head and waved her arm with gusto.

Christine Feehan

They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

Bob Monkhouse

What's the big idea?" Sabrina demanded. "I declared war on you, remember?" Puck said. Sabrina rolled her eyes. "Is this another one of your stupid pranks?" Puck sniffed. "You have contaminated me with your puberty virus and you called my villainy into question." "First of all, puberty isn't a virus," Sabrina said as she fought a tug of was with the Pegasus for her now rather damp pillow."Secondly, I'm sorry if I gave you the itty-bitty baby and boo-boo face. Do you wasnt me to give you a hug?" Puck curled his lip in anger. "Oh, now is the baby cranky. Perhaps we should put him down for a nap?" "We'll see who's laughing soon enough," Puck said. "You see these flying horses?" "Duh!" "These horses have a very special diet," Puck said. "For the last two days they have eaten nothing but chili dogs and prune juice." Sabrina heard a rumble coming from Puck's horse. It was so loud it drowned out the sound of its beating wings. Sabrina couldn't tell if the churn of the sound was worse for the Pegasus but it whined a bit and its eyes bulged nervously. Puck continued. "Now, chili dogs and prune juice are a hard combination on a person's belly. It can keep a human being on the toilet for a week. Imagine what would happen if I fed chili dogs and prune juice to an eight-hundred-and-fifty-pound flying horse. Oh, wait a minute! You don't have to imagine it. I did feed chili dogs and prune juice to an eight-hundred-and-fifty-pound flying horse. In fact, I fed them all the same thing!

Michael Buckley

There were many, many debts to be paid before she left Rifthold and took back her throne. Starting now. Fortunate that she was in a killing sort of mood.

Sarah J Maas

Whatever the unknown in Europe, it had to be better than the known in a small town, where truth was hidden behind smiles, pleasantries, and an abundance of stretch lace at weddings. Whatever, the yet-to-be-written truth about her own life, it seemed certain to be waiting elsewhere on a blank page, somewhere people made no attempt to predict the future based upon a person's past. Quote from: A Summer Abroad, Mrs. Duchesney's First Real Mysteryc. 2013 Peggy Kopman-Owens

Peggy Kopman-Owens

The afternoon's glory was tainted by the voice on the other end. "I was so very sorry not to have the pleasure of meeting you, Mr. Haines. You're not living up to your part of the bargain.

Davis Bunn

He shook his head. “Did you tell him he should expand the Odessa-Brody oil pipeline up to Poland?”I smiled. “Yes. Yes, I did. You should definitely expand the pipeline. Think of all the money you could make if you sold your oil to the EU. You could build a whole new children’s hospital and a research center. You’d have enough money to buy real toilets for the university so women don’t have to crouch over those holes in the floor.” I shook my head. “I’d like to see you try that in five inch heels!

K.S. Ruff

I apply for a new job twice a week, every week. I am applying for the position of millionaire but so far my numbers haven't come up.

Brian Randleas

Instead of hopping around like a wild in'jun on fire, try counting from 10 backwards while hopping on one foot".

R. Alan Woods

Sharks to not eat Chinese people because they get hungry thirty minutes later".

R. Alan Woods

They want your sons.”“My–? But I don’t… ew!

Deb E. Howell

Thank goodness it only lasted a minute or so.The inhalant, that is. The sex was rather longer

Belle de Jour

If all else fails, stop drop and roll..works for me..:)

Melissa Mercer

She meant to write: "Is Christy here yet?"Auto Correct turned it into: "Is crazy here yet?"For once Auto Correct got it right.

Christy Hall

I mean. You put puppies in a store front, I will stop and giddily stare. Every. Single. Time.

Christy Hall

You know you're officially an adult when you finally understand WHY Miss Hannigan was drinking bath water.

Christy Hall

Q: Best part about being a musical theatre book writer?A: Explaining what that is.

Christy Hall

If I were to be honest, I'm probably fifty percent bagel. Okay, fine, sixty percent.

Christy Hall

You pay for that,” he told Ian as he hopped off the hood. “You pay for that, now.”Ian and Peter ignored him, circling around the car. The passenger jumped out and ran off at a sprint, as if the very hounds of hell were nipping at his heels. The taxi driver watched him go and stamped his foot in rage. “You pay for him, too,” he yelled at the men, seething in anger.

Rose Wynters

If life takes you long way, take a shortcut!

Baba

Someone has opened the flood gates of stupidity...

Anthony Feinman

I’d like to THANK the genius who saw a bunch of cherries and thought....HEY!! If I dry out a bunch of those berry seeds, call them “BEANS”, smash them and add hot water, it will be AWESOME!!!!

Tanya Masse

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Humor Quotes - Page 37

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