Humor Quotes - Page 26

If you can't laugh at yourself, don't worry others will…!

The preacher released a pent-up breath as he sagged in relief. “Thank God he's gone.” His eyes narrowed at Alexander as he bit out, “Did you know that man had the nerve to lasso me while I was out in the woods?

Rose Wynters

God, don't laugh!" Jamie said, alarmed. "I didna mean to make ye laugh! Christ, Jenny will kill me if ye cough up a lung and die out here!

Diana Gabaldon

When David wasn't ruling, he would ponder all the various forms of laughter there could be. So far, he had only categorized four: laughter at your own expense, laughter at the expense of others, laughter at the human predicament, and laughter at small animals falling off tables.

Jonathan Goldstein

I'm scared and overwhelmed and my mind is racing. But," she paused and looked at him. "You're here. You just gave me hope. You also just scared the blazes out of me. I'm no longer sure that I'm the most difficult person in this relationship.""I remain sure of it," Alain said."Did you just make a joke?" She pulled away a little and stared at him, smiling more like she usually did. "Are you making fun of me, Mage?"Alain couldn't remember how long it had been since he had laughed. The act was completely alien to Mages, to the training he had endured since he was a small child. But now he laughed, the sound rusty and halting, yet he knew it was a laugh, and it felt so good to be laughing and holding Mari that Alain wondered what Mage art or other promised reward could possibly be worth giving up such things.

Jack Campbell

By going "ah" and "hah" they were able to lift the unrelenting pain of their dark, bestial days into something more recreational. It is only through the godly gift of humor that man endures the horror. What other faculty allows you to turn pain into triumph? Tears of sadness into tears of laughing too hard?

Jonathan Goldstein

if you can’t make a joke at a time like this, what’s the point of living?

Chloe Neill

You are incorrigible.” “I know.” She sighed happily. “All the shit we’ve been through—all the shit I’ve been through—and I can still make lascivious jokes with the best of them. That’s impressive, Merit. That’s character.

Chloe Neill

She laughed - a bit louder than I could have wished in my frail state of health, but then she is always a woman who tends to bring plaster falling from the ceiling when amused.

P.G. Wodehouse

My soul is chaos, how can it be at all? There is everything in me: search and you will find out ... in me anything is possible, for I am he who at the supreme moment, in front of absolute nothingness, will laugh.

Emil M. Cioran

Everyone knows how people who laugh easily create us by their laughter,--making us think of funnier and funnier things.

Brenda Ueland

The common denominator of all jokes is a path of expectation that is diverted by an unexpected twist necessitating a complete reinterpretation of all the previous facts — the punch-line…Reinterpretation alone is insufficient. The new model must be inconsequential. For example, a portly gentleman walking toward his car slips on a banana peel and falls. If he breaks his head and blood spills out, obviously you are not going to laugh. You are going to rush to the telephone and call an ambulance. But if he simply wipes off the goo from his face, looks around him, and then gets up, you start laughing. The reason is, I suggest, because now you know it’s inconsequential, no real harm has been done. I would argue that laughter is nature’s way of signaling that "it’s a false alarm." Why is this useful from an evolutionary standpoint? I suggest that the rhythmic staccato sound of laughter evolved to inform our kin who share our genes; don’t waste your precious resources on this situation; it’s a false alarm. Laughter is nature’s OK signal.

V.S. Ramachandran

Laughter is the stubborn reward of grim times.

Edward McPherson

You know very well that I no longer think. I am far too intelligent for that.

Albert Camus

I don’t care what other people think about me. Most people are idiots, and they can think whatever they want.

Ida Løkås

You walk a fine line between beautifully macabre and uncharacteristically psychotic.

Solange nicole

We're authors. We're more than a little unstable.

Megan Linski

I cannot bear to associate with the ordinary run of people. I have to surround myself with individuals who for the most part are more than a trifle insane

Wallace Thurman

Treat life as a suicide mission, take on the impossible jobs and attack with the gusto of someone who has nothing to lose.... and when you revel in victory, make like it's a dirty win

Josh Stern

Ridcully sighed.'All right, you fellows,' he said. 'No magic at Table, you know the rules. Who's playing silly buggers?'The other senior wizards stared at him.'I, I, I don't think we can play it any more,' said the Bursar, who at the moment was only occasionally bouncing off the sides of sanity, 'I, I, I think we lost some of the pieces...

Terry Pratchett

Sometimes I notice I'm demented, especially at sunset.

Jaroslav Hašek

Just because I'm insane doesn't mean I have to act all crazy.

Diana Rowland

I know all about insanity. It's not that bad once you beat up everyone who teases you about it.

Eve Langlais

For just a second, Lauren wonders if she’s going insane. But insane people don’t think they’re insane, everybody knows that. But...since that fact of insanity is common knowledge, doesn’t that mean an insane person could use it to convince themselves they’re not actually insane? Wouldn’t that make them even more insane?

Patrick Anderson Jr.

Loving someone is very different from the heady feeling of being "in love," which is, frankly, just temporary insanity.

Barton Goldsmith

I could not imagine the kind of person that would, upon seeing a crazy talcum-powder-covered Southern lady think to herself, Hmmmm, she might make a great new friend. The line between normal and crazy seemed impossibly thin.

Augusten Burroughs

He’s lost it. Our son is insane. Or on drugs. Or maybe not on enough drugs.

Ransom Riggs

See what I mean? You gotta be crazy. Ain't no time to be sane.

Robin McLaurin Williams

The only really sane person in there is Igor, and possibly the turnip. And I'm not sure about the turnip.

Terry Pratchett

This is a lovely party," said the Bursar to a chair, "I wish I was here.

Terry Pratchett

Louisiana is a fresh-air mental asylum.

James Lee Burke

And if I ever see you or your fake ass Chanel earrings around here again, I will shove my very real, very pointy Jimmy Choos up your prissy little ass. Do I make myself clear?

Magan Vernon

The dining hall in our section of campus was like something out of an Ayn Rand novel: big, utilitarian, and impersonal.

Kirstie Collins Brote

When he flashed that rockin’ smile of his again, I couldn’t help but think that me being cute was what might be crossing his mind. Then again, maybe he thought I was a dumbass. Either way, he smiled, which was good enough for me. - Ariel

Victoria H. Smith

Next!” The taller of the guys at the door called. Saved by the yell.

Magan Vernon

Watch it, loincloth, I’m not afraid to spork your eyes out.

Magan Vernon

I don't know. I don't understand how boys think. If I knew that I'd be a millionare.

Magan Vernon

I know what you're thinking. ‘How the hell does this broke ass piece of trailer trash know words like caveat,’ right? Well guess what? I've read every single book on the New York Times list of 'Top 100 Literary Classics,' not to mention every Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath or Bronte sisters’ book ever written. And fuck you very much for judging me, by the way.

Isobel Irons

Around eighth grade Margot started getting really sensitive about her weight, even though she wasn’t remotely fat—just a little round-faced. So Margot did what any normal fourteen-year-old girl would do. She started puking on purpose, every day after fifth period. Of course now, she does more than puke. But we don’t talk about that. Because real friends don’t judge each other for what they do to survive in hell.

Isobel Irons

They say opposites attract. Nobody ever said opposites live happily ever after.

Linda Morris

You know what they say,' Suz had texted. 'Once you go geek, you never go back.

Linda Morris

Your problem is a serious lack of imagination. You can’t imagine being different than you are.

Linda Morris

Okay, on my first night, he tried to chat me up. You know how the story goes. ‘You have the most beautiful eyes, I’m very rich, want to see my bedroom?’ Blah, blah, blah.”“And because you turned him down, he’s more determined than ever,” Will guessed, with amazing accuracy. “You did turn him down, right?”“Of course,” I told him, insulted by the insinuation I would drop my knickers for a glass of wine. “Do you think I’d risk my job for a quick tumble in the sheets with him?

Kyra Lennon

This song is for my Molly, who is the best fucking thing that´s ever happened to me. Also, for those suicidal idiots sending her fan mail asking her to run away with them, I will hunt you down and rip off you nuts.

Nalini Singh

In a typical college romance novel, he'd be a gorgeous but troubled sex god who'd cure all my deep-seated psych issues with a good hard fuck. I'd smell his misogyny and abusive tendencies from miles off but my brain would turn to hormone soup because abs. That's the formula. Broken girl + bad boy = sexual healing. All you need to fix that tragic past is a six-pack. More problems? Add abs.It's Magic Dick Lit.

Leah Raeder

I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze to death.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Blood is thicker than water, but they still use corn starch as a thickener on cooking shows

Josh Stern

Blood is thicker than water, and so is diarrhea

Josh Stern

If you feel like you're drowning, don't forget that it is just a feeling; it will pass with love and care. If you're actually drowning, then how are you reading this?

Dani N M.

When a fat person goes in the water naked, would it still be called skinny-dipping?

Anthony Liccione

Your tongue is moving my King but the words are not making their way to my ears

Dora Okeyo

So I flirt with disaster once or twice. Who doesn’t?”He snorted. “You don’t just flirt with disaster, you have intercourse with it.

Dannika Dark

The trouble with dead people today is they have no sense of decorum

Vicky Loebel

The Road to Hell is Paved With Bad Intentions

Vicky Loebel

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

W.C.Fields

In the beginning there was Logos...and God of course. And it was all extremely boring for Logos because he could never beat God at any game...

Yannis Karatsioris

Lena scowled at the empty space in her living room. "Oh sure, thanks, I had fun too." She'd stayed awake, spilled a cup of perfectly good tea, and for what? A spirit with the noncorporeal equivalent of erectile dysfunction. Mostly she was fine being permanently on-call in the Veil. On nights like this, however, it sucked.

Laura Oliva

DI Cartwright: The cat is booby trapped? DI Quill: Welcome to my world.

Paul Cornell

Durbin's sunglasses were gone, and his gray eyes sparkled up at her. He winked. "Take care of yourself, Dr. Venkman."Lena bit back a grin. "You too, Dana Barrett.

Laura Oliva

Dunce is completely bald and has a really pointed head so the temptation to get him paralytic on his thirtieth birthday, carry him to the tattooist’s and get a nice big ‘D’ smack bang in the middle of his forehead was too much for me. Trouble is he can’t afford to have it removed so he wears a big plaster over it. Gangs of children tease him.‘What’s underneath the plaster, mister? Show us!’They swear he has a third eye under there. My name is Bill but Dunce calls me ‘Fez’ on account of my hat. I’ve known Dunce for over sixteen years.

Mike Russell

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Humor Quotes - Page 26

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