Humor Quotes - Page 24

Eternity is not a super-abundance of time, but timelessness.

It was pretty miserable wretches that minded at all whether they were wet or dry. He could not understand why such people had been born. "It's nothing but damned eccentricity to want to be dry" he would say. "I've been wet more than half my life and never been a whit the worse for it.

Halldór Laxness

Are you telling me Kara Orris is afraid of rain?” Hunter’s grin twisted into a smirk as his eyes lit up, relishing his new discovery with absolute delight. “Why, that’s adorable!

Katherine McIntyre

It was the kind of storm that suggests the whole sky has swallowed a diuretic.

Terry Pratchett

Sopping, and with no sign of stopping, either- then a breather. Warm again, storm again- what is the norm, again? It's fine, it's not, it's suddenly hot: Boom, crash, lightning flash!

Old Farmer's Almanac

When people try to rain on your parade,...pee on theirs

Josh Stern

The English play hockey in any weather. Thunder, lightening, plague of locusts...nothing can stop the hockey. Do not fight the hockey, for the hockey will win.

Maureen Johnson

That civet-jasmine blend you're wearing tonight absolutely clashes with the third-level formal style of your dress, you know.

Lois McMaster Bujold

The outer garments of to-day will become the under-clothes of some destined to-morrow, and centuries hence a man found walking on the public highways dressed as you are will be arrested by the police for shocking the sense of propriety of the community, and so on. It will go on and on until you will find human beings everywhere decked out in layer after layer of clothes until he or she has lost all semblance to that beautiful thing that an all-wise Providence has designed us to be.

John Kendrick Bangs

The most pleasant and alluring curve on a woman is the smile

Treasure Stitches

My motto for fashion: If you can’t afford to make an elegant statement, make a ridiculous one.

Stacey Jay

you are what you wear

Treasure Stitches

I've got plenty.” Isabelle smiled, kicking her feet up so that her anklets jingled like Christmas bells. "These, for instance. The left one is gold, which is poisonous to demons, and the right one is blessed iron, in case I run across any unfriendly vampires or even faeries, faeries hate iron. They both have strength runes carved into them, so I can pack a hell of a kick. ""Demon hunting and fashion," Clary said. "I never would have thought they went together.

Cassandra Clare

Eva," she said exasperated. "You should've established a personal style by now-and it shouldn't be sweats!"Monica, Eva Tramell's mother, in "Reflected in You

Sylvia Day

Peter eyes his swanky and incredibly dated jacket and fluffs the frills on his sleeves. Outside the window stands a guy in a tattered grey hoodie and cut-offs that slide down to his hips, thus exposing the plaid glory of his boxers. “Damn pity. If I'd known what crimes I'd be exposed to under the guise of fashion, I may have very well stayed dead.

Diane Rinella

How am I supposed to believe you when you're obviously carrying a fake monogram Gucci Bag?

Madi Brown

And sometimes," she added, in a slightly hushed tone, like she was letting me in on a secret, "if you don't feel great on the inside, just look great on the outside, and after a while you won't be able to tell the difference.

Morgan Matson

I do wish this time you'd try to dress better while you're home. Folks in town get the wrong impression of you. They think you are--ah--slumming.

Harper Lee

I don't believe in wearing track pants unless you are in an actual athletic situation.

Carrie Mesrobian

The bedlamite little hats in which American women have tried to out-lunatic each other for the past four years prove conclusively we don't dress to please anyone. We're just docile sheep who accept what's given us.

Beatrice Fairfax

If you cannot walk more than a block in your shoes, they are not shoes; they are pretty sculptures that you happen to have attached to your feet. You could hang them from your wrists for all the good they are doing you in terms of locomotion. Better to put them on a shelf and admire them from afar.

Linda Przybyszewski

This advice from a college freshman carrying a cane?""It's a walking stick, I'll have you know.""Same difference.""Hardly. It's fashion.

Danika Stone

I am still not used to being the possessor of such a grand title. I believe I shall have to start wearing a purple satin turban and carrying a lorgnette.

Mary Balogh

Wear the Spanx. You might not want to squeeze them over your ass in the morning, but when you see that mac and cheese at lunch (do it, you beautiful monster) you'll be glad there're there, doing the lord's work.

Anna Kendrick

I'd urge you to try German Riesling because it's delicious, but I fear you'll be more impressed if I tell you it's cutting-edge. That, after all, is what we want to know-- what's now and happening. (Do you really think clunky square-toed shoes make your feet look better than those with slimming, tapered toes? You just wear them because that's what fashion dictates, you slut.)

Jay McInerney

Perhaps the most irrational fashion act of all was the male habit for 150 years of wearing wigs. Samuel Pepys, as with so many things, was in the vanguard, noting with some apprehension the purchase of a wig in 1663 when wigs were not yet common. It was such a novelty that he feared people would laugh at him in church; he was greatly relieved, and a little proud, to find that they did not. He also worried, not unreasonably, that the hair of wigs might come from plague victims. Perhaps nothing says more about the power of fashion than that Pepys continued wearing wigs even while wondering if they might kill him.

Bill Bryson

Right now, all white people are either wearing or coveting a pair of Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. These sunglasses are so popular now that you cannot swing a canvas bag at a farmer's market without hitting a pair. In fact, at outdoor gatherings you should count the number of Wayfarers so you can determine exactly how white the event is. If you see no Wayfarers you are either at a country music concert or you are indoors.

Christian Lander

I peeled the shorts off my sweating skin and stepped into the skirt. It slid up my body, resting on my waist, and I pulled the zipper up towards the lord. It didn't just fit. No, it did more than that. It melded to my body, beautifully, as if it had been cut specifically for me, to mask and smooth and elevate. I would be better in this skirt. The dream was happening! I had the all-knowing smile, my hair was suddenly more luxurious, I felt thinner, more acceptable. Girls who had been mean to me in high school would see me in this skirt and think, "Is that Scaachi?" and I'd say, "YOU BET IT IS, YOU DUMB BITCH" and then punch all their boyfriends in the teeth. (I have not thought this fantasy through; just let me have this.)

Scaachi Koul

Let's face it -- if I could scrap in a full-length bodysuit, I would.

Lain Ehmann

If you are the type who truly longs to be a Southern Belle at all times, regardless of taking twice the space available in bus, subway or elsewhere, you had best remove yourself to a large estate replete with servants.

Elizabeth Hawes

I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result.

Oscar Wilde

Young people, however, tend to ignore the customs of their elders. Adolescent rebellion has been responsible for all manner of absurd costumes. The more ridiculous a certain fashion is, the more adolescents will cling to it.

David Eddings

Jenna slipped in wearing an outfit that I can only describe as Hello Kitty Goes Goth.

Rachel Hawkins

He's wearing his official university sweatshirt again, which puzzles me a little. I mean I'd sort of understand it more if it said Yale or Harvard or something, because then it would be a fashion choice. But why advertise the fact that you're at a university to all the other people who are at the university with you?

David Nicholls

Hiking is sort of like strip poker: by the end, all the participants are hot, sweaty, and nearly naked, and the winner is the person who wore the most layers.

Winona Dimeo-Ediger

There will be days that you don’t want to dress up and if you have some decent looking athletic wear, you can give the illusion that you’ve just been working out, as opposed to giving up on life.

Big Mama

Just the way it never rains when you have an umbrella, you'll never run into people if you look fantastic. But go outside in pajamas, and you'll run into every ex you have.

Tim Gunn

In all, his outfit required nearly two thousand man-years of research and development, eight barrels of oil, and sixteen patent and trademark infringement lawsuits. All so he could possess casual style. A style that, in logistical requirements, was comparable to fielding a nineteenth-century military brigade.But he looked good. Casual.

Daniel Suarez

From time to time, you may see a girl wearing her black opaque tights as pants. They are, in fact, not.

Nina García

You make all the fashion statements just by dressing up your mind.

Jason Mraz

[Looking like a straight girl] means wearing clothes that seek and destroy comfort. These are garments designed by gay men to attract heterosexual men. The straight girl is simply the hanger for an inside joke.

Mary Dugger

I'm so not interesting in having to try and make something out of foil."What, you didn't like the poncho with wraparound leggings?"It was beyond hideou- wait a minute. You watch that show?"My mom loves it."But your suppose to be sulking in the basement getting ready to light fires."What can I say? I'm a failure as a teenager. I watch TV with my mom.

Elizabeth Scott

Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.

Karl Lagerfeld

I want to see the king," I said, after explaining who I was."Wonderful," said the ancient Nkumai who sat on a cushion near the corner pole of the house. "I'm glad for you."That was all, and apparently he meant to say no more. "Why are you so glad?" I asked."Because it's good for every human being to have an unfulfilled wish. It makes all of life so poignant.

Orson Scott Card

As my mom used to say,"If wishes were horses, we'd be up to our eyeballs in shit.

Cat Adams

The moon’s weird though, right? It’s there, and there, and then suddenly it’s not. And it seems to be pretty far up. Is it watching us? If not, what is it watching instead? Is there something more interesting than us? Hey, watch us moon! We may not always be the best show in the universe, but we try.

Cecil Baldwin

Wisdom of the Ages: Do the aliens on the moon pull down their pants and 'earth' their friends for fun?

Matthew D. Heines

The moon was wide—too wide and too close. Mentally, Simon told the moon to stop being so close and bright and that it should just generally shut up with the mooniness.

Cassandra Clare

I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I love Shark Week, where all kids under 12 swim for free

Josh Stern

What do you think we should do about Sampson?" I asked."I would have to say...stop him," Sam said."How?" I asked her."Someone who is as powerful and as smart and crazy as he is should do it.""Okay, but who?""Well...you should.""So you think I'm crazy?" I asked her.

Jennifer Priester

What do you mean?” Leslie’s voice was cool, as if she questioned witches who were flat on their backs being threatened by werewolves every day.

Patricia Briggs

I spent most of my life believing there would never be a Prince Charming out there for me. Kissing toads can have that effect on a girl.

Elizabeth A. Reeves

The English, by and large, being a crass and indolent race, were not as keen on burning women as other countries in Europe.

Terry Pratchett

Even the pious Scots, locked throughout history in a long-drawn-out battle with their arch-enemies the Scots, managed a few burnings to while away the long winter evenings.

Terry Pratchett

We ain’t going to curse anyone,” said Granny firmly. “It hardly ever works if they don’t know you’ve done it.

Terry Pratchett

We got the spell exactly right. Except for the ingredients. And most of the poetry. And it probably wasn’t the right time. And Gytha took most of it home for the cat, which couldn’t of been proper.

Terry Pratchett

Witches just aren’t like that,” said Magrat. “We live in harmony with the great cycles of Nature, and do no harm to anyone, and it’s wicked of them to say we don’t. We ought to fill their bones with hot lead."The other two looked at her with a certain amount of surprised admiration. She blushed, although not greenly, and looked at her knees.“Goodie Whemper did a recipe,” she confessed. “It’s quite easy. What you do is, you get some lead, and you—”“I don’t think that would be appropriate,” said Granny carefully, after a certain amount of internal struggle. “It could give people the wrong idea.”“But not for long,” said Nanny wistfully.

Terry Pratchett

At last the magic caught, and she managed to vault clumsily onto it before it trundled into the night sky as gracefully as a duck with one wing missing.

Terry Pratchett

Gossiping's part of witchcraft,' said Tiffany. 'They're checking to see if they've gone batty yet.

Terry Pratchett

Previous 1 … 22 23 24 25 26 … 222 Next

Humor Quotes - Page 24

Related Topics