Humor Quotes - Page 172

I begin my life. I live again. I meet a young girl called Valeria. She smiles easily. She laughs tender sounds that pull at my heart. I’m too young to be profound but she makes me feel so safe. So cherished. I am thirty years old. I bump into a woman I knew when she was a girl. Valeria looks annoyed to see me. She lives in the future. Where the world is turning. I live within the past. Where the people are trapped and screaming and alone. I live within the past when Valeria and I were in love. She’s waiting for the cab to come, her foot tapping against the sidewalk. Her eyes glancing at her watch every few minutes. I’m eager to reunite our lives through some kind of friendship. I’m so eager to know her again, as she was when she was a child. But Valeria lives within the future. I live within the past. Have the two ever gotten along? Have they ever even met?

All that is required of you is an open mind and a little patience.

There is nothing to me but you. I know it’s pathetic but, oh darling, it’s true.

I keep dying and hoping you notice me. But you’re too busy living.

My creativity keeps me from starving. Humanity keeps my life mundane. Loving secures my love for life, but my imagination keeps me sane.

The greatest happiness is a quiet kind. It’s the tender understanding that we’re living in a very strange place full of strange creatures. And there’s quite a bit of wonder in that.

The truth is there isn’t anything to me at all. All I know is that I can’t sleep well, I can’t dream well and I’m quite in love with you. That’s all there is to me. My greatest feature is my admiration for you. I know it’s not healthy. Like my insomnia. Like my dreamless nights. You make living alright. My nightmares come when I think of a night without Valeria. That’s when I realise you’re dead. That’s when I remember you’ve been gone for years. That’s when I remember I’m awake. And I wait for this dream called Life to leave me to my peace once and for all and forever.

The basis of love that most people share is the intimacy they developed with their partners, the intensity of their attraction, or the similarity of their thought patterns,

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

We love out of compassion, passion or a sense of commitment.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Feelings, rationale and values are the top qualities that make a person exceedingly human.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Not a few millions of parents strongly hope that their own children will step in by instantly becoming their own parents’ foster parents, if and when the parents reach their second childhood.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

But if there was hope, it lay in the proles. You had to cling on to that. When you put it in words it sounded reasonable: it was when you looked at the human beings passing you on the pavement that it became an act of faith.

In closing, I hope everything helps show that I wouldn’t be a fade-out or a person who turns to think to drink or dope when things get tough. I believe that anything is possible if you have the combination of love for what you’re doing and the will to sit down and not get up until it’s done….

Four times during the first six days they were assembled and briefed and then sent back. Once, they took off and were flying in formation when the control tower summoned them down. The more it rained, the worse they suffered. The worse they suffered, the more they prayed that it would continue raining. All through the night, men looked at the sky and were saddened by the stars. All through the day, they looked at the bomb line on the big, wobbling easel map of Italy that blew over in the wind and was dragged in under the awning of the intelligence tent every time the rain began. The bomb line was a scarlet band of narrow satin ribbon that delineated the forward most position of the Allied ground forces in every sector of the Italian mainland.For hours they stared relentlessly at the scarlet ribbon on the map and hated it because it would not move up high enough to encompass the city.When night fell, they congregated in the darkness with flashlights, continuing their macabre vigil at the bomb line in brooding entreaty as though hoping to move the ribbon up by the collective weight of their sullen prayers. "I really can't believe it," Clevinger exclaimed to Yossarian in a voice rising and falling in protest and wonder. "It's a complete reversion to primitive superstition. They're confusing cause and effect. It makes as much sense as knocking on wood or crossing your fingers. They really believe that we wouldn't have to fly that mission tomorrow if someone would only tiptoe up to the map in the middle of the night and move the bomb line over Bologna. Can you imagine? You and I must be the only rational ones left."In the middle of the night Yossarian knocked on wood, crossed his fingers, and tiptoed out of his tent to move the bomb line up over Bologna.

What happens when you pray for an angel and get a vampire instead? R E Mullins

No. He’s like me at the moment. We’re both nomadic. He’s still in the military. Currently training SEALs in Coronado, California.” “I’m sorry, training seals? To do what?” Boomer grinned. He didn’t understand why, but she so delighted him. “Navy SEALs, honey. He trains them to be smarter, faster, and stronger than the bad guy.” “Do they leap tall buildings in a single bound,” she asked without missing a beat. Boomer would not have been able to hold back the laugh if his life depended on it.

We all change, when you think about it. We are all different people, all through our lives.And that's ok, that's good, you gotta keep moving so long as you remember all the people that you used to be.-- Doctor Who! ( 11- Doctor)

He pointed at my tiara. “Why are you wearing a crown?”I adjusted my freshly bedazzled head gear. “It’s a tiara and it’s part of the uniform when you’re the Pie Princess.”“And it doesn’t bother you to wear it?” He pushed his glasses up on his nose, framing his coffee-colored eyes.“Are you kidding? It feels like the accessory that’s been missing from my wardrobe all my life.” I struck a pose. “Admit it. You think I look awesome.” He chuckled and shoved his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “You always look good, but that tiara is ridiculous.

Sad really.” Avenant mused. “Trevelyan was part of a majestic race. Doomed and enslaved by lesser beings, but majestic, none the less.” His gaze swept over the rest of the group with a sigh. “I know the feeling well.

Cassandra Gannon

Wonderful.” Avenant rolled his eyes. “Letty’s killed the doctor. Now I’ll have to start all over with training another one to stand when I enter a room. It’ll take weeks.

Cassandra Gannon

Esmeralda?” Scarlett turned to the witch next. “Don’t you want to do magic, again?” “Of course I do! It’s the only thing I dream of. Casting spells… Turning people into frogs… Genetically engineering my gingerbread army…

Cassandra Gannon

So that’s when the witch somehow pulled off her own restraint and flung herself at me like a beautiful and deadly panther. I think she’d seen my stupid clipboard and realized that I’d been writing down sordid lies about her mental state. I’m very jealous of her, you see, and use my middle management position…

Cassandra Gannon

Tiffany learned that Lin had stolen Tiffany’s book title idea: “2 girls 1 cup.” A month ago, Tiffany had confided to Lin about Tiffany’s research showing that there was nothing on Amazon with the title “2 girls 1 cup,” and Tiff intended to be the first one to use that title for her upcoming book. Lin had betrayed her. Now, Lin’s book was available online and it was on the bestsellers list. Tiffany’s first go-to move for revenge against any of her female friends was to go sleep with her BFF’s boyfriend. That was “Dr. Bob” as Lin called him affectionately (he was Lin’s drug source).

Lin Xun

No amount of careful grooming seemed to erase their impression that he was actually a foul and frightening ogre. It was enough to give a fellow self-doubts.

Celeste Bradley

Letting her head hang, all she could do was think what a freaking mess she had gotten herself into.And not even Ben & Jerry's could get her out of this.

Toni Aleo

But I didn't even make you work for it. I just jumped you like a cat in heat.

Toni Aleo

Is she worth it though?" he asked and she shrugged."That's up to you to decide. Either way, I support you, love you, and will stand beside you," she whispered against his lips. "And when you're ready, I'll Spartan kick her in the face.

Toni Aleo

Jordie and I tried to have sex in the kitchen and almost caught it on fir. I was cleaning smoke and burned shit off my brand-new stove all afternoon."Lacey's face twisted in confusion and she sputtered with laughter. "Do I even want to know how this happened?"Kacey grinned. "He threw my shirt on the stove, and I had forgotten to shut it off. Boom! Flames, fire

Toni Aleo

Ah, the trainer with the hands," one of them said. She was very pretty, thick dark hair and even darker eyes. She had a nice body, but it was easy to see she had been having babies. "Lucas talks about you fondly."Kacey smiled. "Yeah, his shoulder's been giving him shit lately," she said, figuring this must be Fallon, Lucas's wife."Yeah, and if you didn't keep him from birching about it, I might have to try and kick your ass. But seeing that he is happy, and you are also a good six inches taller than me and have abs and arms that could squash small children, I'm gonna just say, hey! It's nice to meet you!" she said and everyone laughed as they shook hands.

Toni Aleo

I have salt and sugar at home, but I'm paying eighty bucks to have ya'll rub it on my feet. If I want to yell at my sister-in-law about that fact that I just found out I am pregnant, and how my boyfriend, the recovering alcoholic, is still fragile and I don't know if he'll make it, whether I'm going to miscarry like I did before, and a whole other list of shit, like, hell, I don't know, what I'm going to be when I grow up, then I will! And maybe, just maybe, for the eighty bucks you're charging me, I can yell a bit."The woman only blinked as Lacey snickered beside her. "Keep it down and congratulations.""Thanks, and I'll try," Kacey said as the woman walked away. She then turned to Lacey, who was fully laughing at this point. "Really> This is not funny.""Oh, I'm cracking up because if you're already this emotional and bitchy, God help us all once you reach the third Trimester.

Toni Aleo

But remember, Kacey has a temper and she's crazy protective of you so if you need bail money, let me know.

Toni Aleo

I love everything about you Kacey, because the best thing in life is finding someone who knows your flaws, mistakes, difficulties, and still think you are bad-ass and loves you.

Toni Aleo

Guess our sex is hot, we start fires.

Toni Aleo

I won't sugarcoat shit. You're tiptoeing on the line between batshit crazy and sane.

Toni Aleo

Payback's a bitch, but thankfully those tissues are only full of snot and tears instead of dead little sperms.

Toni Aleo

We are Nasvillians now. We have to be classy Southern bitches."Kacey glared as she swigged her tea. "Classy girls don't say classy bitches.""This one does," Lacey said as she took a sip of her tea with her pinky up just to show she meant what she said.

Toni Aleo

Ally turnedher attention back to Brian Byrne. "So what do you do for a living when you're not searching outyour roots?""Have sex with thousands of women." He slanted her a grin that would've knocked her offher feet if she wasn't already laid out flat by his comment. "Professionally, of course.""Well, that makes it okay then." A porn star? Her instinct said no. But her instinct had alsothought Dave was a great guy when she first met him. How wrong was that? Hmm. What elsecould Brian be? How about crazy? Sounded logical to her. She was alone with a crazy man. Asexy crazy man, but crazy was still crazy.

Lucus?"She found him on the bed in the master suite, lying with his arms crossed behind his head, glaring at the ceiling as though it had done him wrong in some way.

(Nicholas)"Am I dead?"An odd question, but then she rememberd her mourning attire. "No sir, you are not."He relaxed a moment, then turned his head slightly as if searching for other passengers. His brows dived in a scowl.Am I married?"She wasn't sure how to answer. His kid gloves hid any evidence of his matrimonial state, but his expression of instantaneous alarm and regret suggested he was referring specifically to her. No sir, we are not.

Emma: You can demand that Pettibone retain my services, but you cannot make similar demands of the parents of the students. They will not entrust the education of their daughters to a woman who has removed her clothing for an artist, no matter how exalted that artist may be. Pettibone would become a school without students. No that avenue is closed to me now.Nicholas: Women disrobe for men other than their husbands every day.Emma: But they are not on exhibition in the Royal Academy.Nicholas: what of extenuating circumstances?Emma: You make no sense

(Darcy) "Why do you suppose she decided to come back…after all this time, I mean?"(Nick) "The barmaid?""Bronte""If I were to hazard a guess, I would suppose her mother finally convinced her she was on her deathbed.""I suppose, but since she's been on her deathbed for the past ten years that I know of. I'm thinking Bronte probably wouldn't fall for it."

Jaide Fox

It wasn't like that, darlin'." [Darcy] said quickly. "I swear on my mother's soul it wasn't!"Bronte bit her lip, trying not to smile. "Your mother is still living, is she not?"Darcy grinned sheepishly. "Yes, but…just the same.

Jaide Fox

It made him feel like less of a man. And given how much less of a man he’d felt the past several weeks, that was really saying something. He was surprised someone from the Man Club hadn’t come by to revoke his dick and balls.

Bad enough that getting turned on when he had nothing more than a bath towel to hide it would make the condition kind of hard to miss, but getting turned on in front of his ex-fiancee was akin to smearing honey on his junk and walking into grizzly territory.

Maar als je genoeg kikkers kust, kom je vanzelf wel een prins tegen.

Shanna Swendson

I think it's your bosoms." Rand Surveyed him critically. "The dress wouldn't be as tight if they weren;t so large. I think your bosoms are too big."Alexei looked down at his overstuffed chest. "Can bosoms ever be too big?"Not real bosoms perhaps, but I think in your case..." Rand considered him thoughtfully. "No question about it: they're definately too big"Are you sure?" Alexei studied his reflection. "I thought they were just the right size for a man of my height.

Victoria Alexander

The Howard Hughes thing hadn’t actually sounded like such a bad deal until about...oh, eight thirty-five this morning. Something about having his ex carry him to the bathroom and help him wash his balls just took all the fun out of becoming an eccentric recluse.

Late twenties, single, female. Do the math.Flirty flings were fabulous until you hit the big three-O, all downhillfrom there. Biological clocks started ticking like time bombs waiting todetonate, gravity exerted more force on your life than your mom, andsuddenly, the dog-ugliest creep looked like Jake Gyllenhaal.

Romance is like maintaining a car. If you do a good job of it, you will always have a dependable quiet ride.

It had been a nice night, but not one they’d repeat. Like, ever.Why was he dialing his phone?A few rings later, a familiar voice picked up on the other end. “Whitman.”Dammit, my subconscious really is out to get me. “Matt? Brennan. I was wondering if…” make it something good, “…you…wanted to…” his gaze flew around the room, settling on his DVD shelf, “…watch Star Wars with me?”Star Wars? A hundred DVDs on the shelf and he settled on fucking Star Wars? He was never going to get in Matt’s pants ever again.There was a pause on the other end.Great, I’ve scared him off with my closet geekery. Go me.“Which one?”His heart skipped a beat. Or not.“I have all six.”“My favorite is Strikes Back. I can be at my place in about twenty. I’ll bring food?” Brennan’s eyes squeezed closed and he grinned, kicking his feet in delight. I am such a girl. “You know we can’t watch Strikes Back without immediately going to Return, right?”“We should pace ourselves. Star Wars is serious business. Usually I don’t watch them without consuming about five pounds of Skittles and three bottles of Coke.”“I’ll grab the junk food. We can pull an all -nighter.”“It’s a weeknight.” Matt sounded ridiculously disappointed about the fact, which was so happy-dance-worthy that Brennan almost literally jumped out of his chair. “But maybe we could turn it into a three-part date? Start tonight? End Friday?

Christine Price

I didn't want to go to hell, but even the idea of reclaining my halo scared me because it would mean leaving Aly.

Men were just plain ridiculous with how little time it took them to get handsome.

Finally, Charlie gave up the hunt and placed (the puppy) back on the floor, dispatching fleas was not his idea of a romantic evening, unless you happened to be a twisted exterminator, he thought.

E.A. Bucchianeri

Want to go upstairs and play ball?""Now, you're talking. Naked basketball. Always my favorite.""Loser gets fucked first.""Jesus, Thursday, every time you set that rule you cheat.""What do you mean, I cheat? I usually lose.""That's exactly what I mean.

Roger said, 'I don't know about having a shrink around all the time. Are you analyzing me right now?'Sophie rolled her eyes. 'How original. No, I'm not analyzing you. It'd take a whole team of shrinks to figure out your crazy ass, and I simply don't have the time or energy.

Uhm, Kevin...""Be quiet, or I swear to God I'll take you right here."Yes, this was definitely Forced Sex..

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

So what does the winner get in the end?" Tate asked."They get to sit around with the losers and say, 'I am King Xavier of the world.' Repeat after me.""And me?" Tate asked."You get to be my queen.""How come you're the leader of the community?" Narnie asked, almost smiling. "Why can't Tate be?"Webb looked at his sister, grinning. "Why can't you, Narnie?"Fitz leaned his head on Narnie's shoulder. "And I'll be your queen?""You can be the eunuch," Jude said, shoving him out of the way, "and I'll be her prince." He bowed and took Narnie's hand, kissing it, and their eyes met. It was awkward for a moment until Narnie looked away.

Melina Marchetta

I know what party you’re talking about. I might have to swing through. Especially if you’re going to be there in a costume.” He winked and leaned back in his seat.“I’m going as a homeless person.”“Sexy.

Her chin lifted. "Very well. Here is my best offer. Half of my nakedness for all of yours."He pretended to think on it. " It's a bargain.

My head is in a world of hurt. My apartment is trashed. At the end of today, I could either be dating the girl who saves my family’s future or is going to be the ending of it. When did life get so damn complicated?

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