Humor Quotes - Page 167

We, in the interest of the so-called progress, have been persuaded to leave the production and at times the cooking of our food to companies whose owners and employees make a living by exploiting our busyness or laziness and our innate hunger to continue living.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Many millions of pregnancies—many if not most of which have each led to the birth of at least one child—were each used as nothing but a conspicuous means to a secret end called the evasion of abortion.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The world economy would collapse if a significant number of people were to realize and then act on the realization that it is possible to enjoy many if not most of the things that they enjoy without first having to own them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Many a parent, sad to say, has used their child as an opportunity for them, the parent, to do, through their child, something or some of the things that they, the parent, did not do or did not do successfully.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

When selecting a one-night stand, a heterosexual woman who is materialistic is a trillion times more likely to choose a sexually unattractive poor man who seems rich over a sexually attractive rich man who seems poor.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Loneliness tortures many if not most of the elderly more intensely and more frequently than it torments many if not most of us who will never be or have not yet been pushed or pulled into old age.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

As an unavoidable result of the inevitable loss of some physical and/or some mental abilities, many a man who has been alive for many years has become a boy again.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The most upsetting thing about Society’s attitude towards disabled people is that many millions of disabled people became disabled while trying to please Society, the very same bitch that secretly regards them as subhuman.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by our mothers, or vice versa.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Patriotism is the narcissism of countries.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Greed is a contagious mental illness without which civilization as we know it would not have been possible.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Many a survivor of a plane crash who is or was against cannibalism and had never eaten human flesh once found themselves in a situation where they had to either eat human flesh, or go the way of all flesh.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Many if not most slaves would have each readily jumped, and many if not most slaves would each readily jump, at the opportunity to be a master, if such an opportunity presents or had presented itself.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Just like how most if not all poor boys look up to and aspire to someday be rich men, most if not all underdeveloped and developing countries look up to and aspire to someday be developed countries.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most sane human beings who are over the age of six usually act or react not as per what they genuinely feel or really think but in accordance with the expectations of those around them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

So, Shannon,” she said as she put on her seat belt. “Tell me all about yourself.” I hated to hear that question. Just once, I wished I had the girlballs to say, I work for the federal government in a department that I cannot disclose, but I can tell you that I’m trained to kill using nothing more than a toothpick. So when you say you’ll call, you damn well better do it...

Robin Alexander

Where have all the Fembots gone?

Ren Garcia

What would Golan Do? That way I can ask myself before I do anything. Before I take a dump. How would Dr. Golan want me to take this dump? Should I bank it off the side or go straight down the middle? What would be the most psychologically beneficial dump I could take?

Ransom Riggs

Cottage cheese, broken down into its simplest form, is milk that has been curdled to mimic the cellulite its consumption is meant to banish.

Elsie Love

Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are staring at them that they do not eat as much and as frequently as they seem to.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

If you can't make ends meet, meet them in the middle instead

Benny Bellamacina

...the Statue of Liberty's got this invitation: 'Give me your tired, your poor, your reeking homeless--''Huddled masses,' said Ira. 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.'...Okay, fine. So like everybody in the old countries says, 'Hey, I'm a huddled mass,' and they all wanna come over.

Neal Shusterman

Sorry. I get attacks of quotitis every once in a while. It's a very rare disease with no cure. It usually attacks older people, and here i am afflicted with it at my tender age.

Madeleine L'Engle

Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels.

Candace C. Bowen

Tidak ada kabar adalah kabar, yaitu kabar tidak ada kabar. Tidak ada kepastian juga adalah kepastian, yaitu kepastian tidak ada kepastian. Hidup ini juga memang tentang menunggu. Menunggu kita untuk menyadari: kapan kita akan berhenti menunggu.

Tere Liye

Some people talk about other people’s failures with so much pleasure that you would swear they are talking about their own successes.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Comedy is a necessity to get through life with the fewest scars. Humor is the best antidote to help relieve all struggles.

Suzy Kassem

I’m very much down to earth, just not this earth.

Karl Lagerfeld

It's such a silly little thing, the heart.

Ned Vizzini

Cael, come on. Stop licking the dude. That's gross."Letty let out a snort. "Please, like you don't lick dudes.""That's different," Dex explained with a grimace. "None of those dudes were Ash. Besides, last time I checked, Ash was allergic to nuts.

Charlie Cochet

He was a dying man looking down on the surgeons trying to save him.

John Green

I'm a survivor, " I said. But I didn't think that claim would carry much weight in an obituary.

Tobias Wolff

I take this continent with me into the grave.

Ray Bradbury

Who embalms the Undertaker when he dies?

Alison Bechdel

I have a theory that as human beings get older, chemicals are released into the brain to prepare us for the end. Sort of like how the nurse lubes your ass up before the anus-cam. It makes the whole thing a lot easier to swallow. Easier, not enjoyable.

Kris D'Agostino

Adam pressed his hand to his face. Sighed. "Right. It's just that… He died. And I'm so freaking pissed off, I swear I'd punch him in the face if he were standing right here.

Kristina McBride

Do you know how wizards like to be buried?""Yes!""Well, how?"Granny Weatherwax paused at the bottom of the stairs."Reluctantly.

Terry Pratchett

Nobody seems to understand that in such matters the tact and sympathy should come from the one who is about to die, not the poor bugger who has to take the news.

Stephen Fry

In the center lay the exploded carcass of a lonely sperm whale that hadn't lived long enough to be disappointed with its lot.

Douglas Adams

Man. Being mostly dead is hard on a guy.

Jim Butcher

If you Have ever Fainted, You Are a stranger in the land of the dead!

Antoni Omeihe

In 5-billion years the Sun will expand & engulf our orbit as the charred ember that was once Earth vaporizes. Have a nice day.

Neil deGrasse Tyson

What's it like?""Death? It's like being on holiday with a group of Germans.

Rob Grant

When I die I hope it may be said:'Her suffering was black, but her books were read'.

Shannon L. Alder

Змейк беседовал в углу с двумя металлами, недавно пробившимися из глубин Земли и не имеющими понятия о формах жизни на ее поверхности. Со всей вежливостью принимающей стороны он занимал гостей беседой, но трудно было сказать, насколько эта беседа занимала его самого. Собственно, Змейк собирался рассказать анекдот, однако необходимая для понимания анекдота преамбула даже при лаконичности Змейка потребовала не меньше минуты:— Люди состоят из соединений углерода и потребляют кислород. Смерть есть прекращение химических реакций одного типа, — Змейк поймал на себе взгляд Гвидиона, которого явно заинтересовал его учитель, дающий определение смерти, и спокойно закончил: — и начало совершенно иных химических реакций.

Anna Korostelyova

If I weren't already dead, I'd have to kill myself just so I could roll over in my grave.

D.J. MacHale

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans.

Kelli Jae Baeli

I had never known any man to die while speaking in terza-rima

Ernest Hemingway

Neighbours complaining about someone’s dog making an awful racket. You could hardly blame the poor beast, its owner had died in her bed at least a fortnight before and there hadn’t been much left of the old girl worth eating.

James Oswald

This showed once again that everyone had something different to lose in this battle. Some were concerned for their lives, and some for those they cared most about: rays, sea horses, even the chickens that ran free in the streets of the city because they couldn't all be caught in time.

Kai Meyer

I say the same thing about the death of James Wait. "Oh, well -- he wasn't going to write the Beethoven's Ninth Symphony anyway.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

So, sweeting, why were you threatening to throw Tate out of the house? What did he say?”Leather brushed her chin as he tipped it up. Serious dark eyes met hers. “What did he say?”She glanced around; surely the footmen were too far away to hear. “He wanted to join us in our bed.”“I’ll run him through.”“No! Perhaps he only said it to goad you into a duel. Perhaps it was intended as a way to kill you.”“It was an insult to you, love. That can’t be ignored.”“And so you rush inexorably toward death. I don’t care if he stands on a Drury Lane stage and calls me a courtesan, I won’t have you risking your life.

Sharon Page

The over-weight and out of shape guy who owned the house had apparently decided that having a half-million dollar house meant that he couldn’t afford to hire someone to clean out his gutters. Now he was dead with what looked to me like a broken neck after the ladder had slipped. He’d taken the plunge into his fancy landscaping—complete with rock garden. But hey, his fucking gutters were clean.

Diana Rowland

Death will be a great relief. No more interviews.

Katharine Hepburn

When my mother passed away several years ago—well, wait a minute. Actually, she didn’t ‘pass away.’ She died. Something about that verb, ‘to pass away’ always sounds to me as if someone just drifted through the wallpaper. No, my mother did not pass away. She definitely died.

Steve Allen

Die, die we all pass away, But don't wear a frown coz it's really okay,And you might try to hide, And you might try to pray,But we all end up remains of the day.

Danny Elfman - The Corpse Bride

YOU'RE ONLY PUTTING OFF THE INEVITABLE, he said.That's what being alive is all about.

Terry Pratchett

I asked this heroic pet lover how it felt to have died for a schnauzer named Teddy. Salvador Biagiani was philosophical. He said it sure beat dying for absolutely nothing in the Viet Nam War.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Just know I amNot there to catch youBut I am there for you

Caleb Warta

Someone dying asks if there is life after death. Yes, comes the answer, only not yours.

E.L.Doctorow

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Humor Quotes - Page 167

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