Humor Quotes - Page 15

Just like how most if not all poor boys look up to and aspire to someday be rich men, most if not all underdeveloped and developing countries look up to and aspire to someday be developed countries.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are staring at them that they do not eat as much and as frequently as they seem to.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Neighbours complaining about someone’s dog making an awful racket. You could hardly blame the poor beast, its owner had died in her bed at least a fortnight before and there hadn’t been much left of the old girl worth eating.

James Oswald

I'm Allen Walker!"My life....is over...I'm going to die....

Katsura Hoshino

An eye for an eye my friend.

Tsugumi Ohba

The real flight of this hawk is impending.Still,this bird is yet to be tested for real.Though I have leaped over the seas,well,the entire sky is still remaining to fly.And make sure that ,i am gonna do it with all my heart and all my soul.#loveyoourlife #liveyourlife #hvFUN

Arunima Sinha

Not a few millions of parents strongly hope that their own children will step in by instantly becoming their own parents’ foster parents, if and when the parents reach their second childhood.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Ally turnedher attention back to Brian Byrne. "So what do you do for a living when you're not searching outyour roots?""Have sex with thousands of women." He slanted her a grin that would've knocked her offher feet if she wasn't already laid out flat by his comment. "Professionally, of course.""Well, that makes it okay then." A porn star? Her instinct said no. But her instinct had alsothought Dave was a great guy when she first met him. How wrong was that? Hmm. What elsecould Brian be? How about crazy? Sounded logical to her. She was alone with a crazy man. Asexy crazy man, but crazy was still crazy.

Nina Bangs

Late twenties, single, female. Do the math.Flirty flings were fabulous until you hit the big three-O, all downhillfrom there. Biological clocks started ticking like time bombs waiting todetonate, gravity exerted more force on your life than your mom, andsuddenly, the dog-ugliest creep looked like Jake Gyllenhaal.

Nicola Marsh

Finally, Charlie gave up the hunt and placed (the puppy) back on the floor, dispatching fleas was not his idea of a romantic evening, unless you happened to be a twisted exterminator, he thought.

E.A. Bucchianeri

I worked in a grocery store my whole life, Honey-girl. I know what lonely housewives think of this.”“I meant the baby, Jerk.”“Attached to me.”“You think you’re cute, don’t you?”“Are you honestly asking me this? I know you’re not debating it.

Pella Grace

A punching bag. The guy was pounding on a punching bag. That realization took about a nanosecond to register in her brain before the real important information came to the forefront: LoriSue, God bless her slutty little soul, had been absolutely correct. He was male-stripper material, and he’d been thoughtful enough to strip to a pair of athletic shorts on his very first night in the neighborhood.

Susan Donovan

Everton" (Francis)Alex turned his head to view a rainbow peacock mask bobbing toward him. "Good Lord, Francis, you are replendent," he said admiringly.The peacock stopped beside him. "Dash it, Everton, how'd you know it was me?"You're still wearing your faux ruby ring.

Suzanne Enoch

Do you really think that I don’t have anything better to do than to spend my time thinking about you? Digging up a little of the goods on Luc Martineau?”Fine lines appeared at the corners of his eyes and he laughed. “Sweetheart, there is nothing little about Luc’s goods.

Rachel Gibson

He smacked the heel of his hand against his forhead, as if that could knock the mental picture out of his head. Hell, he though irritably, he didn't want to knock the image just out of his head. He wanted to send it clear across the room and out the window.

Julia Quinn

Never sleep with a lady only once, especially in the case of an older lady.-'Rhett

Rowena Cherry

The most temptation I'd experienced had been with Tomas, the Senate's spy who had been feeding off me without permission, and Mircea, who was probably plotting some nefarious scheme. I have no taste in men.

Karen Chance

I dodged behind Mac for cover and refused to take the bait. I glanced at my nonexistent watch. 'Oops, look at the time. Guess I have to be going now. Let's not do this again sometime, okay?'Before I could move, Pritkin was there, jamming the medallion into the skin of my upper arm.'Ow!'He looked at me expectantly. I glared at him. 'That hurt!'What do you see?'A big red mark,

Karen Chance

She was not sorry. And if it was the wine telling her that, then she would tell the wine the same thing tomorrow. She was not sorry.

Mary Balogh

Felicity," Mrs. Featherington interurupted, "why don't you tell Mr. Brdgerton about your watercolors?"For the life of him, Colin couldn't imagine a less interesting topic (except maybe for Phillipa's watercolors), but he nonetheless turned to the youngest Featherington with a friendly smile and asked, "And how are your watercolors?"But Felicity, bless her heart, gave him a rather friendly smile herself and said nothing but, "I imagine they're fine, thank you.

Julia Quinn

Secret glances are shared by those on the "inside" or esoteric "inner circle", who have literally gone into many lower frequencies simultaneously. This is the "secret glance" of love, which allows the higher to operate in the lower; to "save" those worlds in order to correct the impending takeover of the "Devil and his demons", a metaphor for light and dark "battles" raging today.

Compton Gage

Where else," I will say, "does an old turtle crossing the path Make all the difference in the world?

Patricia MacLachlan

I deem myself as intellectual and analytical as much as I can but still never miss the chance to goof around and joke about anything but I never laugh at nobody. Good humor is about laughing with not about laughing at.

Genereux Philip

Being rich or famous is the only profound thing that some people have ever said.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

With true love, you can move mountains, make unusual sacrifices, live a life of deprivations and still be happy.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

... People who are the spices of this world are the natural souls with instincts and impulses that have not been pruned by evolution and civilization.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Belief is a wonderful way to pass the time until the facts come in.

Carl R White

Among other possibilities, money was invented to make it possible for a foolish man to control wise men; a weak man, strong men; a child, old men; an ignorant man, knowledgeable men; and for a dwarf to control giants.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

There is no real distinction between who can and cannot be a teacher. All that matters is that this person should have knowledge of the subject matter, empath and compassion with others, and, above all, a great sense of humor which is the true mark of wisdom.

Charbel Tadros

Without wisdom, a teacher is nothing more than a research paper: a knowledge filled text which is boring and has no practical use. With wisdom, a teacher is like a great novel: a text filled with knowledge, practical applications and, above all, fun.

Charbel Tadros

It goes without saying that even those of us who are going to hell will get eternal life—if that territory really exists outside religious books and the minds of believers, that is. Having said that, given the choice, instead of being grilled until hell freezes over, the average sane human being would, needless to say, rather spend forever idling in an extremely fertile garden, next to a lamb or a chicken or a parrot, which they do not secretly want to eat, and a lion or a tiger or a crocodile, which does not secretly want to eat them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

To some believers, being on the pill or using a condom is a nonverbal way of telling God to go to hell.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Your Excellency, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Pierre-Simon Laplace

If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead.

Jess C. Scott

As in music, when we hear the crescendo building, suddenly if the music stops, we begin to hear the silence as part of the music.

Chögyam Trungpa

In fact we put so many things in our mouths we constantly have to be reminded what not to eat. Look at that little package of silicon gel that's inside your sneakers. It says DO NOT EAT for a reason. Somewhere sometime some genius bought a pair of sneakers and said Ooooh look. They give you free mints with the shoes

Morgan Spurlock

Smartass Disciple: Why we shouldn’t judge others? Master of Stupidity: Don’t! Unless you are paid for it.

Toba Beta

[novan]: bassists are very good with their fingers[novan]: and some of us sing backup vocals, so that means we're good with our mouths too...(~ IM chat with Novan Chang, 18, bassist)

Jess C. Scott

Anya looked upon Nin admirably. Having him as a partner-in-crime—if only on this one occasion, which she hoped would only be the start of something more—was more revitalizing than the cheap thrills of a cookie-cutter shallow, superficial romance, where the top priority was how beautiful a person was on the outside.

Jess C. Scott

To be a philosopher, just reverse everything you have ever been told...and have a sense of humor doing it.

Criss Jami

To be, or not to be: what a question!

E.A. Bucchianeri

By the way, if you get mad at your Mac laptop and wonder who designed this demonic device, notice the manufacturer's icon on top: an apple with a bite out of it.

Peter Kreeft

A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it.

H.L. Mencken

Everyone has the fire, but the champions know when to ignite the spark.

Amit Ray

She wished, as almost all kids wish at one point or another, that she could turn into a pterodactyl and fly away and never come back.

Gina Damico

Percy looked at his friends. “I’m getting tired of this guy’s shirt.

Rick Riordan

Hate. Huh. He'd never hated himself. If anything, he'd always liked himself a little too much. Once, a human female had even accused him of picturing his own face while he climaxed. He hadn't denied it, either, and next time he'd slept with her, he'd made sure to scream, "Strider" at the pivotal moment." --Strider, keeper of the demon of Defeat--

Gena Showalter

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

Chelsea Handler

Corrival looked around. 'So is this it? Is everyone here? Erskine, maybe you should start the ball rolling. I have places to go and things to do.''Me?' Ravel asked. 'Why do I have to start it? You're the most respected mage here. You start it, or Skulduggery.'Skulduggery shook his head. 'I can't start it. I don't like most of these people. I might start shooting.

Derek Landy

Something about telling that story made my gut grow back together."What?"Oh, nothing. Just thinking out loud."That's who you really like. The people you can think out loud in front of."The people who've been in your secret hiding places."The people you bite your thumb in front of."Hi."Hi."..."..."Wow. My first Lindsey."My second Colin."That was fun. Let's try it again."Sold."..."..."..."...

John Green

No one messes around with a nerd’s computer and escapes unscathed.

E.A. Bucchianeri

A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.

Daniel Handler

She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

Dorothy Parker

Right, you've got a crooked sort of cross..." He consulted Unfogging the Future. "That means you're going to have 'trials and suffering' — sorry about that — but there's a thing that could be the sun... hang on... that means 'great happiness'... so you're going to suffer but be very happy...""You need your Inner Eye tested, if you ask me," said Ron, and they both had to stifle their laughs as Professor Trelawney gazed in their direction.

J.K. Rowling

An open Facebook page is simply a psychiatric dry erase board that screams, “Look at me. I am insecure. I need your reaction to what I am doing, but you’re not cool enough to be my friend. Therefore, I will just pray you see this because the approval of God is not all I need.

Shannon L. Alder

It smells terrible in here.'Well, what do you expect? The human body, when confined, produces certain odors which we tend to forget in this age of deodorants and other perversions. Actually, I find the atmosphere of this room rather comforting. Schiller needed the scent of apples rotting in his desk in order to write. I, too, have my needs. You may remember that Mark Twain preferred to lie supinely in bed while composing those rather dated and boring efforts which contemporary scholars try to prove meaningful. Veneration of Mark Twain is one of the roots of our current intellectual stalemate.

John Kennedy Toole

Girls," their mother interjected, "you must both stop being strange - it is unattractive. And don't forget your hats. It would be absolutely the end for me if you two came down with freckles at a time like this.

Anna Godbersen

It is often argued that religion is valuable because it makes men good, but even if this were true it would not be a proof that religion is true. That would be an extension of pragmatism beyond endurance. Santa Claus makes children good in precisely the same way, and yet no one would argue seriously that the fact proves his existence. The defense of religion is full of such logical imbecilities. The theologians, taking one with another, are adept logicians, but every now and then they have to resort to sophistries so obvious that their whole case takes on an air of the ridiculous. Even the most logical religion starts out with patently false assumptions. It is often argued in support of this or that one that men are so devoted to it that they are willing to die for it. That, of course, is as silly as the Santa Claus proof. Other men are just as devoted to manifestly false religions, and just as willing to die for them. Every theologian spends a large part of his time and energy trying to prove that religions for which multitudes of honest men have fought and died are false, wicked, and against God.

H.L. Mencken

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.

Dave Barry

You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The lastpresent you gave me was a stick.”“You wanted a weapon.”“It was a stick.”“It had a bow on it.”“It was a stick.”“I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.

Derek Landy

Previous 1 … 13 14 15 16 17 Next

Humor Quotes - Page 15

Related Topics