Humor Quotes - Page 105

An angry wife can be more frightening than an army of disgruntled soldiers.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Jealousy is not a result of love. It is a result of crossed relationship boundaries. Love and relationships should not be confused.

Julieanne O'Connor

If we are saved by grace alone, this salvation is a constant source of amazed delight. Nothing is mundane or matter-of-fact about our lives. It is a miracle we are Christians, and the gospel, which creates bold humility, should give us a far deeper sense of humour and joy. We don't take ourselves seriously, and we are full of hope for the world.

Timothy J. Keller

You are the light of the world. Shine brightly. Smile beautifully! Rejoice daily!

Brenda M. McGraw

Laughter is the only medicine, without side effects.

Shannon L. Alder

If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God intended you to live.

Shannon L. Alder

Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy and the make the most of where you are.

I pray this new year will be greater, smooth and brings best aroma to our smelling, normal burning for toothpicks, blue colours for great celebration, unlimited joy from nw, then and beyound in JESUS name ★FEYIKOGBON★

oladosu feyikogbon

Tiny GigglesSilly giggles of laughterI store upon a shelfI give some to otherI save some for myselfI am rich beyond all measureThough not with worldly wealthI store up these treasuresFor my heart and soulful health.

Muse

Lollypop...the passion contained merely kissesplaced upon lips, neck and cheekthese young lovers of the castleof which our fairytale speaks...

Muse

I Love You! Three words that mean nothing if not followed through with actions. It seems to be more relevant in the terms of showing verses saying. Anyone can say it, because there are different kinds of love. But, few are willing to actually show it. Saying is one thing. Living proof is another.

Amaka Imani Nkosazana

The appreciative smile, the chuckle, the soundless mirth, so important to the success of comedy, cannot be understood unless one sits among the audience and feels the warmth created by the quality of laughter that the audience takes home with it.

Life never be serious with you it always make fun of you so learn to have fun.

Siddhant R. Shinde

Cheaper'n recyclin' yer nose tissues. --Mema

K.D. Harp

Happier'n young'uns bustin' outta school fer summer break!

K.D. Harp

Prouder than a preschooler showin' refrigerator art!

K.D. Harp

After each of his books, the writer, for a while, feels once again that he can now die happy.

I ran outta tears of sadness when I was 20 & all I got left is tears of joy.

Genereux Philip

She tips back her head and howls: Moooooown! Oh wonderful moooooowwwwwyyyn!

Carol Emshwiller

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Stanisław Jerzy Lec

I glance down his body. He's still wearing his shorts and his shirt, and I still have my T-shirt on. Jeez-- talk about wham, bam, thank you ma'am.

Elise hid her face in his shoulder, embarassed, "Kane! What will they think?" She whispered against his neck."That we're newly bonded and I can't keep my hands off of my lovely mate." And sure enough, the good natured calls that accompanied them across the yard left her in no doubt that the others were thinking exactly that.

You’re going to have to do better than that if you want to get into my metaphysical pants.

I'll drink your champagne. I'll drink every drop of it, I don't care if it kills me.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

I want you to lie to me just as sweetly as you know how for the rest of my life.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

You know, I'm not even sure how we ended up living together.""I am," Jake said, turning back to the lake. "Sex. It's a powerful force, my boy, and women use it.""Is that why you gave them up?" Will asked, sympathetically. "Did paranoia drive you to celibacy?

Jennifer Crusie

Who do you have to sleep with to get laid in this town?

Max replies, "Why the fuck n- Oh man, are you gettin' lucky?"I quickly do up Asher's jeans and stand. Max bursts into laughter when he sees my head ascend and chuckles, "Shit, guys. Warn a brother. Did you at least finish?"Ash smiles big fluffling my hair, I tell Max, "I never start something I don't plan to finish."Ash wraps his arm around me and Max shakes his head. He says, "Well if you two don't mind, I think I'm gonna make this a blowjob free zone from now on.

At night all cats are grey.

The boring thing with 'No sex before marriage' is that kids will never get to attend their parents’ wedding.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Do you know how much damage we could do to each other in an hour?

This was the move that was supposed to sweep me away. She seemed a little out of practice. I guess life with Charley Royce hadn’t exactly been the third reel of The English Patient. It had to be bad if Mickey Dolan was your back-up. Not to put Mickey down but he didn’t strike me as the lover-boy type. Especially when he took out his teeth. The last time Mickey thought about pleasing anybody but himself was just before he discovered how to sniff glue.

The second orgasm has a biblical connotation.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

My phone started to vibrate and I flipped it open. Yes, I'm the only person that doesn't have an iPhone.The phone talked to me. "Jackson, how’s it going?""Hi, Echo. Veeva Stackpoole’s here."Silence. "What does she want?""Well, at first she wanted me to run away with her and get a lot of plastic surgery - ""Oooo, can I come too?" she said. I love Echo so much."Hey, Veeva, Echo wants to come. Is that okay?"Veeva sneered and said, "Asshole...""Echo it doesn’t look like we’re going to go now. Veeva doesn’t want to.

Yep, I was so mature, I decided I would just have to reward myself by doing the naked lambada with a Federal Agent.

I'ts better with the right hand than with the wrong girl

Jørgen Willumsen

You feel bad about yelling in a graveyard after you just tried to have sex with me in a church?

I'm a writer. I'm a Christian. I like sex. But I haven't had it. I believe in waiting until marriage. But that doesn't mean I want my characters to.

Michelle N. Onuorah

Solus walked over to the young brown-haired man and grabbed him by the front of his shirt, ignoring the look of panic he received in return. "You can call me Solus." His golden eyes trailed meaningfully down the mortal's body before he added, softly, "I've been told it's easier to scream.

I can take care of myself,” I said hotly.“Darlin, you don't even know how to pleasure yourself.

Be optimistic. Always put on clean underwear if you're going on a date.

If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises....

The boss is never your friend, even if you're sleeping with him.

Stop stalling and spill the beans. What’s up?” Alexi tossed down her fork and leaned in close so no one else could possibly hear. “What’s not up? We’re like rabbits on Viagra.

Jennifer Saints

After discovering him in his threesome, I spent the next two weeks in bed suffering from a severe case of vagina elbow. It's a condition not unlike tennis elbow, but you get it from masturbating.

Chelsea Handler

I can't," I said. "I threw my back out masturbating.

Chelsea Handler

We watched some of the movie. It was shocking. Sex is apparently hard labor. Various persons supported crushing weights in agonizing positions for what seemed like endless blocks of time. Exhausted men grunted and toiled like movers trying to get a refrigerator into a fifth floor walk-up.

Good, because if the guy isn't making you walk funny after sex, then probably isn't anything to write home to mom about.

J. Lynn

The only thing more difficult than persuading someone else to start having sex with you is persuading yourself to stop.

There are many ways to get to know someone, and my favorite is seeing them naked in Happy Baby pose.I also feel it is important to have sex soon after meeting someone in order to find out if you have sexual chemistry together. Otherwise, you could wait two to three months after you start dating someone only to discover that your new boyfriend is bad in bed, or even worse, is into anal beads and duct tape.

Chelsea Handler

Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed to the other with a nurse's hat on while your father, who is also naked, is chasing her with a bandanna around his neck, is reason to put yourself up for adoption.

Chelsea Handler

I had always dreamed of being a professional escort but never thought that there was any real money in it.

Chelsea Handler

Niko popped a spare slice of bacon in his mouth, chewing it up contentedly. “I hate being a soul, being dead. You know what I hate most about it?”“No sex?” Sophie guessed.“That’s what I hate second most about it. No, what I hate most is—”“That you can’t lie,” Adrian cut in.Niko lifted his eyebrows at him, impressed. “You do know me. Exactly right.”“And no bacon,” Freya added.

A man's body is like a circus. You can swing off his trapeze arms, lay your head on thighs like fresh-blown balloons while his cock performs tricks, soft to hard, a burst like a cannon if you treat him right.

You're the only kick-ass general I know who needs three gay boys to dress him, John.""But I only need one gay boy to undress me.

Life is like a dry handjob. Just when it starts getting good, it’s already over.

Jayme K.

A great deal of thought must be given to your daughter's marriage. Otherwise, she will simply slink off like a cat on a dark night to be fertilized under a bush to God knows whom!

I just want mind-boggling sex tonight, but I don’t think you can beat my vibrator.

Remove God from the world of ideas. Remove government, politics from society. Keep sex, humor, utilities. Let private property go.

John Cage

My stomach flipped. I stopped. This guy was trending in my mind big time.

Luella Christie

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