Funny Quotes - Page 7

Yeah, well. I don’t try to be awesome. It just comes natural.

Lusty blacksmiths and naughty princesses. Now that's scary

Are you suggesting I’m working with thezombies? That I paid them to pretend toattack me so that I’d trick you into letting me join you?”“Did you?” Mr. Holland demanded.“Yeah, okay,” I said in a sugar-sweet tone. “You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn’t tell. In exchange I asked him to gather hisbest undead buddies and stalk me throughmy friend’s yard. And oh, yeah, it wastotally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night dinner buffet, because having organs is so last season.

Gena Showalter

I'm a little bit naked, but that's okay.

Lady Gaga

Aunt Mercy put down her tiles, one at a time. I-T-C-H-I-N.Aunt Grace leaned closer to the board, squinting. "Mercy Lynne, you're cheatin' again! What kinda word is that? Use it in a sentence.""I'm itchin' ta have some a that white cake.""That's not how you spell it." At least one of them could spell. Aunt Grace pulled one of the tiles off the board. "There's no T in itchin'." Or not.

Margaret Stohl

I'm bad and I'm going to hell, and I don't care. I'd rather be in hell than anywhere where you are.

William Faulkner

I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist

Gena Showalter

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Phyllis Diller

Good plan," Freddy was saying. "Let's get some decent sleep. Tomorrow we can shake our gravy asses into town and do some sluething.

Ali Sparkes

Luke is the sort of boy Taylor Swift could get at least three songs out of.

Beth Garrod

Hey, Geekoid!" yelled Duncan Dougal, "Why do you read so much? Don't you know how to watch TV?

Bruce Coville

It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

All trademarks, company names, registered names, products, characters, mottos, logos, jingles and catchphrases used or cited in this work are the property of their respective owners and have only been mentioned and or used as cultural references to enhance the narrative and in no way were used to disparage or harm the owners and their companies. It is the author's sincerest wish the owners of the cited trademarks, company names, etc. appreciate the success they have achieved in making their products household names and appreciate the free plug.

E.A. Bucchianeri

Rejection is an opportunity for your selection.

Bernard Branson

Hands can cook, hands can create, hands can kill. There is no better tool than our hands.

Amit Kalantri

True friends chop the onions and cry together.

Ljupka Cvetanova

Some people will hate you for not loving them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they hate us.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The fact that the person who you are sleeping with is also sleeping with another person or other people does not necessarily mean that he or she does not love you. And the fact that you are the only person who someone is sleeping with does not necessarily mean that he or she loves you.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A seemingly simple task like taking a bath or wearing a condom feels like multitasking to someone who suffers from hemiplegia or has only one hand.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most human beings would have never been pained by the death of a human being if they had never seen a human being or pretending to be pained by that.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most men would no longer enjoy conversing with most women if they stopped bringing their vaginas along.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their partner, even if that is not true.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Adults who use big words in order to seem intelligent are annoying, especially those who are not intelligent.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most of us cling to life as if our existence were a result of our deed or choice.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people hate people who are overconfident, only because their overconfidence reminds them of their underconfidence.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

If we were not impressed by job titles, suits, and jargon, we would demand that financial advisors show us their personal bank statements before they tell us what we could or should do with our own money.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Boredom is probably more frequent and more tormenting if you do not have sight or hands.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

In some cases, you can tell how somebody is being treated by their own boss from the way they are treating someone to whom they are a boss.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Life is a process during which one initially gets less and less dependent, independent, and then more and more dependent.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

To ask a man whether or not he has a girlfriend is to talk about his sex life. If you disagree with that, then how in the name of God do you differentiate between a man’s girlfriend and a girl that is a friend to the man?

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

For their never-ending endeavours to obtain or retain wealth, countries desperately need companies, because they—unlike most human beings—have the means of production, and human beings, because they—unlike all companies—have the means of reproduction.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Although they probably know that some children were used and some children are used as miners, most adults are ignorant of the chocolate industry’s use of minors.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Millions of business people are each constantly forced to choose between their desire to not be a bad person and their desire to be a good business person, that is to say, to make as much money as they possibly can by maximizing their revenue while minimizing the cost of producing whatever it is that they sell.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We, in the interest of the so-called progress, have been persuaded to leave the production and at times the cooking of our food to companies whose owners and employees make a living by exploiting our busyness or laziness and our innate hunger to continue living.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Many millions of pregnancies—many if not most of which have each led to the birth of at least one child—were each used as nothing but a conspicuous means to a secret end called the evasion of abortion.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The world economy would collapse if a significant number of people were to realize and then act on the realization that it is possible to enjoy many if not most of the things that they enjoy without first having to own them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

When selecting a one-night stand, a heterosexual woman who is materialistic is a trillion times more likely to choose a sexually unattractive poor man who seems rich over a sexually attractive rich man who seems poor.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Loneliness tortures many if not most of the elderly more intensely and more frequently than it torments many if not most of us who will never be or have not yet been pushed or pulled into old age.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Patriotism is the narcissism of countries.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Greed is a contagious mental illness without which civilization as we know it would not have been possible.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Many if not most slaves would have each readily jumped, and many if not most slaves would each readily jump, at the opportunity to be a master, if such an opportunity presents or had presented itself.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Just like how most if not all poor boys look up to and aspire to someday be rich men, most if not all underdeveloped and developing countries look up to and aspire to someday be developed countries.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are staring at them that they do not eat as much and as frequently as they seem to.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Life is too fleet for onomatopoeia.

Mervyn Peake

Not a few millions of parents strongly hope that their own children will step in by instantly becoming their own parents’ foster parents, if and when the parents reach their second childhood.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It was like being leaned on by a very heavy, warm brick. A sexy brick.

Patricia Briggs

Among other possibilities, money was invented to make it possible for a foolish man to control wise men; a weak man, strong men; a child, old men; an ignorant man, knowledgeable men; and for a dwarf to control giants.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

To some believers, being on the pill or using a condom is a nonverbal way of telling God to go to hell.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

[novan]: bassists are very good with their fingers[novan]: and some of us sing backup vocals, so that means we're good with our mouths too...(~ IM chat with Novan Chang, 18, bassist)

Jess C. Scott

To be a philosopher, just reverse everything you have ever been told...and have a sense of humor doing it.

Criss Jami

When you are angry try your best to go to sleep, it keeps you away from speaking, writing and thinking while you are angry.

Amit Kalantri

If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.

Amit Kalantri

Why couldn't you turn into a fireball when we were on the same team!

Pittacus Lore

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.

Criss Jami

Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war.""The plant war," Percy said. "You're going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles?

Rick Riordan

Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed."Not just ordinary stairs," Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs.""Really?""Oh, yes."She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?""They just are.""In what way?""In a magicky way."She glared at the back of his head. "They aren't magic at all, are they?""Not really.

Derek Landy

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

Criss Jami

How is it possible to have a civil war?

George Carlin

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Funny Quotes - Page 7

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