Funny Quotes - Page 6

To smile sincerely is acceptable after making mistakes – that is the best way to feel cheerful and repeat the same mistakes.

Eraldo Banovac

It's been nice knowing you, Clara.'Huh? My brain still a bit shell-shocked.'Say a prayer for me, will you? He gives me a shaky grin. Because I'm pretty sure my parents are going to kill me

Cynthia Hand

Excellent,” said Lupin, looking up as Tonks and Harry entered. “We’ve got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we’re ready. Harry, I’ve left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry —” “They won’t,” said Harry. “That you’re safe —” “That’ll just depress them.” “— and you’ll see them next summer.” “Do I have to?

J.K. Rowling

What the heck kind of name was Sir?

Cherise Sinclair

The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.

Robert Brault

Well, then, Otter, of course I don’t like Bundt cake. It has eggs in it. Baby chicken eggs. You don’t see chickens standing outside of maternity wards waiting to get our babies to make their Bundt cake, do you?

T.J. Klune

When pointing out the flaws in others, people always end up talking about themselves.

Claire Chilton

If you want breakfast in bed, you have to concider sleeping in the kitchen>

Foster "Raul" Mkhabele

Hey! When he dug into it, rifling through her things, she snapped, "Go Yoda someone else's supplies, asshole.

Kresley Cole

It is meant to be survival of the fittest, not survival of the most floral.

Stephen Herfst

When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is. * If it replies "Brains," blow its fucking head off. * If it replies "Brian," ask it again, as you may have encountered a zombie with a speech impediment, or a zombie that was mildly retarded in life. * Keep in mind that it is entirely possible that you did encounter a human named "Brian.

Shamus McCarty

I'd like to sit down with him and pick his brain, just a tiny bite somewhere in the frontal lobe to get a taste of his thoughts" -Warm Bodies

Isaac Marion

I've got everything I need right here." That sentimental thought met a room full of cheesy and sarcastic "aw's" and an empty water bottle thrown at my head. No, stop guys, really. You're embarrassing me.

Rachel Higginson

A cemetery?" I chuckle, but the pitch is a bit higher than I expected. "At night? With a full moon? Um ... did you see any, uh, zombies, you, while you were there?"Shiko blinks at me a few times. "No"I slump in relief. "Thank God. I mean, I don't want to be the first to die. The funny guy always dies first, for shock value, you know. Rourke would get killed next, because it's be a heroic sacrifice or something." I motion to Shiko. "You'd live, though, unless you had sex."... Shiko has the look of an addled kitten, complete with head tilt. Rourke sighs and leans toward her, embarrassed. 'You'll have to excuse him. According to his mother he has an irrational fear of something called the zombie apocalypse.""It's not irrational!

Vaughn R. Demont

Oh, well, that's not bad, I suppose. I mean, I'd prefer devastatingly sophisticated - but almost endearing is more than I could have hoped for under the circumstances.

Jane Costello

We're like the couple on the sitcom that has good sparks but never get together for the sake of ratings.

Aimee Bender

What if I got hit by lightning while walking with an umbrella? Ban umbrellas! Fight the menace of lightning!

Cory Doctorow

Eat clean to stay fit, have a burger to stay sane.

Gigi Hadid

She said my glasses made me look like a butch jock's locker room bitch.

Nenia Campbell

Hello,” said the beautiful elven maid. “I was just thinking, and I mean no offence, but—how can any fighting force crowded with the softer sex hope to prevail in battle?”“Huh?” said Elliot, brilliantly. “The softer what?”“I refer to men,” said the elf girl. “Naturally I was aware the Border guard admitted men, and I support men in their endeavor to prove they are equal to women, but their natures are not warlike, are they?

Sarah Rees Brennan

Life as a private investigator, slash bounty hunter wasn’t all Gary Beck wanted it to be. There weren’t any big mansions on a palm beach owned by an affluent writer generous enough to let him live rent-free and use his spare Ferrari. But then you have to ask yourself, what could you expect living on a planet like Deanna? As a third-rate colony in the Terran Empire, Deanna had more than its fair share of dull moments. It orbits a star called Ramalama. If you think that’s funny, Deanna’s two moons are called Ding and Dong, respectively (this is a local joke) and one of them falls down occasionally.

Christina Engela

I'd die for your sins, but I'd probably enjoy them first

Josh Stern

Mrs. Winalski owned a candy-apple-red 1965 Mustang GT convertible, and she drove it like she could die at any minute and needed to get five things done before that happened.

Lish McBride

Never mind gas masks and fallout shelters in the event of biological warfare. Many New Yorkers move from place to place equipped with the essentials of vermin assault weaponry: mouse traps, roach spray, and sticky tapes. In some neighborhoods, it’s a must.

Isabel Lopez

...She says with that mistyfar-away look in her eyes. Like conjunctivitis.

Aditi Mathur Kumar

Um..." I mumbled, "We wait.""What? Wait? Do you expect them to just come up here to the beach to get some moonlight?" He sneered as he took another bite of the eagle.

Grace Fiorre

You put cow dung on my face?’ ‘Every day religiously until you were three. Why else do you think your skin is so clear?

Renita D'Silva

Have you been reading those books that clueless illiterate Duja in charge of the lending library lets you borrow?’ ‘No, Ma.’ ‘Then what put you in mind of devils possessing nuns to take over the church?

Renita D'Silva

I wash the clothes, rinse them and then scrub them again. Will that square little box do that? I am not using any fancy machines when my hands will do.

Renita D'Silva

WAIT, WAIT! JUST one more!”“Bliss, there are children waiting.”And they probably hated us, but I was just so glad to see her smiling that I didn’t care.“Yeah, well, they all just jumped on the bandwagon. Most of them weren’t alive when I read Harry Potter for the first time.”I turned to the Canadian family behind me and said, “I’m so sorry. This is the last one, I promise.” Then I took one more picture of Bliss pretending to push the luggage cart through the wall at the Platform 9¾ monument at King’s Cross Station.A little boy stuck his tongue out at Bliss as we left. I pulled her away before she could follow suit.“That kid better watch it. I’m totally a Slytherin.”I shook my head, smiling.“Love, I’m going to need you to pull back on the crazy a bit.”“You’re right. Realistically, I’m a Ravenclaw.

Cora Carmack

Wow, we're identical!

J.K. Rowling

Grabbing a scarf off the chair, I threw it at him. He caught it, clutching it to his chest as he flew into the air. "You gave Tink a scarf. Tink is free!" He flew out into the hallway like a little cracked-out fairy, screeching, "Tink is freeeeee!"Ren looked at me. "What the actual f**k?"I sighed. "He's obsessed with Harry Potter. I'm sorry."Tink darted back into the room, holding the scarf to his bare chest. "There is no reason to apologize when it comes to Harry Potter.""You do remember what happened to Dobby, right?" I said."S**t." Tink's eyes widened and he dropped the scarf.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

But you would think, wouldn't you, that getting hit forty-five times in the neck with a blunt axe would qualify you to join the Headless Hunt? - Sir Nicholas de Mimsy

J.K. Rowling

You don't seem to need many qualifications to liaise with Muggles; all they want is an OWL in Muggle Studies. ''Much more important is your enthusiasm, patience and a good sense of fun.'' - ''You'd need more than a good sense of fun to liaise with my uncle'', said Harry darkly .''Good sense of when to duck more like.

J.K. Rowling

Your insult has offended me. If we were at the Peaks, we would have to duel in traditional alil'tiki'i fashion.""Which is what?" Teft asked. "With spears?"Rock laughed. "No, no. We upon the Peaks are not barbarians like you down here.""How then?" Kaladin asked, genuinely curious."Well," Rock said, "is involving much mudbeer and singing."“How's that a duel?”"He who can still sing after the most drinks is winner. Plus, soon' everyone is so drunk that they forget what argument was about."Teft laughed. "Beats knives at dawn, I suppose.

Brandon Sanderson

You hate birthdays yet pee your pants over presents. There is clearly something wrong with you," Garrett joked.

Tara Sivec

In the cool dark basement, she whispers, "It's not Ralph, is it?"Cabel's quiet for a moment, as if he's thinking, "You mean like Forever Ralph? Uh, no.""You've read Forever?" Janie is incredulous. "There wasn't much else to chose from on the hospital library cart, and Deenie was always checked out," Cable says sarcastically. "Did you like it?"Cabel laughs softly, "Um...well, it wasn't the wisest thing to read for a fourteen-year-old guy with fresh skin grafts in the general area down there, if you know what I mean.

Lisa McMann

The cybernetic operation?""No, the sex change."The doctor's smile faltered."I'm joking.

Marissa Meyer

She’s a lunatic,” says Conrad.“Absolutely insane,” says Guntram.“Either completely fearless or utterly stupid,” says Conrad.“She’s going to fit right in,” says Guntram.

Emily Lloyd-Jones

The Law of Moronic Ubiquity: Anything in the universe that is generally considered to be idiot-proof will eventually be ruined by an idiot.

Ian Strang

Oh the wonders of being married. Put a gun in one hand and a woman in the other, I'm never sure who's going to kill me first.

Michael W. Grimard

But at times words can be a dangerous addition to music — they can pin it down. Words imply that the music is about what the words say, literally, and nothing more. If done poorly, they can destroy the pleasant ambiguity that constitutes much of the reason we love music. That ambiguity allows listeners to psychologically tailor a song to suit their needs, sensibilities, and situations, but words can limit that, too. There are plenty of beautiful tracks that I can’t listen to because they’ve been “ruined” by bad words — my own and others. In Beyonce's song "Irreplaceable," she rhymes "minute" with "minute," and I cringe every time I hear it (partly because by that point I'm singing along). On my own song "Astronaut," I wrap up with the line "feel like I'm an astronaut," which seems like the dumbest metaphor for alienation ever. Ugh.

David Byrne

Man, Grandma, what big hair you have.""The better to style with, my dear.

Neal Shusterman

I squared my shoulders, trying to ignore the fact that I was standing in the apartment of the sea witch, wearing a fairy-tale prom gown, waiting for the attack of the mermaids.

Seanan McGuire

We bask in the scent of cinnamon beforeMom puts a scone her plate.'His name is Rich,' she says.I select a scone too.'I like a man with an adjective for a name.

Kelly Bingham

I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Thanks liver... you are a champ!

Siddhant R. Shinde

For a being more advanced than I am, he sure has a hard time answering a simple question

Rick Yancey

A brick can be used to represent the zero probability of this book being any good.

Amy Sommers

...I guess I can put two and two together.""Sometimes the answer's four," I said, "and sometimes it's twenty-two...

Dashiell Hammett

Now, my intention was to drink just enough to dull the senses, but intentions should never be mixed with alcohol.

Kirt J. Boyd

He was so drunk that he would have stubbornly denied that he was.

Filippo Bologna

Whoever said that a drunk mind speaks sober thoughts...was clearly still drunk off their ass. -Jackson 'Blame It on the Pain

Ashley Jade

Being me is a job — is labour so time-consuming and expensive that I have to have a second job just to support it. So that I can drink, I have to get drink and that isn’t something people give away and then there’s drink that I need because I have drunk and the other drink I have to keep around because, sooner or later, I will drink it. That’s a full-time occupation: that’s like being a miner, or a nurse.

A.L. Kennedy

Instead of putting flowers in books to flatten them you can use a brick.

Nicole McKay

Tropical trees had been planted throughout the room, along with bright flowering plants that were busy committing the olfactory floral equivalent of aggravated assault.

Jim Butcher

I have to tell you the truth. But you are too ugly for it.

Fakeer Ishavardas

I love you all - if you are not people!

Fakeer Ishavardas

I love you as I do all - not at all.

Fakeer Ishavardas

The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor with adult content.

Abdul Ali II

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Funny Quotes - Page 6

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