Neil Gaiman

When in doubt, know your way out, I always say.""I thought you always said, 'When in doubt, blame the dark elves.'""Well, yeah, that

Kevin Hearne

I'd rather be ignored as a frog than eaten as a human.

E.D. Baker

Majority wins, but majority is not necessarily right and sometimes majority is awfully wrong.

Amit Kalantri

I decided to do the easy task of changing situations and conditions by being a hero, than staying back to do the difficult task of changing people by being just a man.

Amit Kalantri

True, beneath the human façade, I was an interloper, an alien whose ship had crashed beyond hope of repair in the backwoods of Southern Appalachia—but at least I’d learned to walk and talk enough like the locals to be rejected as one of their own.

Sol Luckman

I once took a poo in the woods while hunched over like an animal. It was AWESOME.

Drew Barrymore

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

Honoré de Balzac

He rolled his eyes and took my hand. His hand was hard and calloused, tough with muscle and old scars.The night settled around us like a blanket. I could hear the water lapping against the dock. We were totally alone.“You’re . . . ,” he began, and I waited, heart throbbing in my throat. “Such a pain,” he concluded.“What?” I asked, just as his head swooped in and his mouth touched mine. I tried to speak, but one ofFang’s hands held the back of my head, and he kept his lips pressed against me, kissing me softly but with a Fanglike determination.Oh, jeez, I thought distractedly. Jeez, this is Fang, and me, and . . . Fang tilted his head to kiss me more deeply, and I felt totally lightheaded. Then I remembered to breathe through my nose, and the fog cleared a tiny bit. Somehow we were pressed together, Fang’s arms around me now, sliding under mywings, his hands flat against my back.It was incredible. I loved it. I loved him.It was a total disaster.Gasping, I pulled back. “I, uh—,” I began oh so coherently, and then I jumped up, almost knocking himover, and raced down the dock. I took off, flying fast, like a rocket.

James Patterson

Those who pretend as if they don't love you, are the ones who would hate to see you love another person.

Michael Bassey Johnson

Apropos of Eskimo, I once heard a missionary describe the extraordinary difficulty he had found in translating the Bible into Eskimo. It was useless to talk of corn or wine to a people who did not know even what they meant, so he had to use equivalents within their powers of comprehension. Thus in the Eskimo version of the Scriptures the miracle of Cana of Galilee is described as turning the water into blubber; the 8th verse of the 5th chapter of the First Epistle of St. Peter ran: ‘Your adversary the devil, as a roaring Polar bear walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.’ In the same way ‘A land flowing with milk and honey’ became ‘A land flowing with whale’s blubber,’ and throughout the New Testament the words ‘Lamb of God’ had to be translated ‘little Seal of God,’ as the nearest possible equivalent. The missionary added that his converts had the lowest opinion of Jonah for not having utilised his exceptional opportunities by killing and eating the whale.

Frederick Hamilton

I’ve never been bothered with my conduct. I’ve only been bothered by people that don’t get it correct when they gossip about me.

Shannon L. Alder

I should think a dead language would be rather boring, sociallyspeaking.

Sol Luckman

Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems...""Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue.

Robin Hobb

As chemists, we must rename [our] scheme and insert the symbols Ba, La, Ce in place of Ra, Ac, Th. As nuclear chemists closely associated with physics, we cannot yet convince ourselves to make this leap, which contradicts all previous experience in nuclear physics.

Otto Hahn

Yes, I know," Isadora said, and then read her poem, leaning forward so Carmelita Spats would not overhear:"I would rather eat a bowl of vampire batsthan spend an hour with Carmelita Spats."The Baudelaires giggled and then covered their mouths so nobody would know they were laughing at Carmelita."That was great," Klaus said. "I like the part about the bowl of bats.

Lemony Snicket

Asked in 1919 whether it was true that only three people in the world understood the theory of general relativity, [Eddington] allegedly replied: 'Who's the third?

Arthur Stanley Eddington

Quand celui à qui l'on parle ne comprend pas et celui qui parle ne se comprend pas, c'est de la métaphysiqueWhen he to whom a person speaks does not understand, and he who speaks does not understand himself, that is metaphysics.

Voltaire

What your mind sees when you close your eyes marks the entrance to an endless universe: your imagination.

Stephen Helmes

I like my money, and if you mess with it, I fuck with you."I raised my eyebrow. "You want to fuck with Alec?""What? No, that's not what I meant.""But you said you-""I know what I said you smartass,

L.A. Casey

I was just wondering how long we were going to pretend like we annoyed each other before we started sleeping together.

Beck Anderson

Assuming what people want is about as controlled as using fireworks to start a fire.

Criss Jami

JASON: 'Intended wings.' How depressing.MICHAEL: Yes. Makes them into suicides, really, the pigeons.JASON: No - no, it doesn't. It could mean the wings were 'intended' to carry them upwards, out of the darkness, but they were defective in some way, these wings, so the pigeons aren't suicidal, not at all, just badly equipped for flying. Like the rest of us.

Simon Gray

I don’t even pretend to believe I know everything; I just believe in arguments God told me I had a pretty good chance of winning, while I was traveling through hell.

Shannon L. Alder

Don't plead with anyone if you were not at fault, you'll only look inferior, stupid and funny, bolster your ego by doing the undoing.

Michael Bassey Johnson

If you're stressing over happiness, you're doing it wrong!

Shannon L. Alder

You are funny like a kid and awesome like a princessUnseen like an angel, like the morning sunshine… Kindness like a river and highness like a mountain, In the middle of the Rheine, the cute face and sweet lips …(La la la la, La la , mmmm , mm …)Keep the lovely smile, in your juicy icy eyes Open the heaven for my eyes, forever angel voice Never angry never harsh, never mad never marsh Dear or darling, either diamond or dime, Overall the dream of the world

M.F. Moonzajer

You shut your door to these poor women," he said so they could hear him, "and you'll answer for it the rest of your lives. You won't sleep. You'll choke on drinks. The food you eat'll block up your bowels and you'll die of your own shit.

Glendon Swarthout

Seven billion who need to be kept happy, and docile, until the end. How do you do that? What's the best way to calm down a scared kid, get them to go back to sleep? Tell them a story. Some shit about Jesus or whatever.

Neal Stephenson

It is dull, Son of Adam, to drink without eating," said the Queen presently. "What would you like best to eat?""Turkish Delight, please, your Majesty," said Edmund.

C.S. Lewis

She’d been seconds away from kissing the man… no, throttling him, for his sheer audacity. “You expect me to bat my eyes and thrust my tits into some hairy creature’s face and then run away like a giggling simpleton?”“They only have the one eye under all that hair, and their eyesight is notoriously bad, so you can probably just keep your… tits where they are.

Jane Cousins

It was me–a dangerous cocktail of pissed off and hurt.”–Ember (Darkness Of Light)

Stacey Marie Brown

Hi, name’s Ran.” The werewolf smiled, hand extended.Silence.Ran mimicked the knight’s deep voice, while pretending to shake an invisible hand. “Hi, I’m the Amyntor.”More silence.“Oh, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” the werewolf said in his own voice. “No, the pleasure’s all mine,” he said in Atlas’s voice.After yet more silence, Ran coughed into his fist before turning to look down the line at Aaron. “I see where you get your sense of humor from.

M.A. Wilder

I don't beg for those things which can be earned.

Amit Kalantri

It doesn't matter what your boss thinks as long as he doesn't cry.

Gerry Geek

The business of lying is transacted in the abode of the gullible.

Michael Bassey Johnson

It is easy to launch a project if you have no clue about the cost and schedule.

Gerry Geek

WHAT A CONCUBINE SHOULD NEVER SAY:In your case, ED is not a man's name.

Robin Glasser

Hard-ons don't make you think less. They make you think stupid.

Dani Alexander

Don't let your teeth make you lose respect by permanently keeping them opened for the sake of being friendly.

Michael Bassey Johnson

I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees.

Ryan Lilly

You should find something better to do with your time,” Mandy told him. “I spend my time shooting people, and then I take them to darkrooms and blow them up.”“…Come again?” Alecto questioned with a tone of alarm in his voice. “I take photographs and develop them myself, I’ve got my own darkroom… it was a joke,” Mandy laughed. “I love photography and I’m gonna be a photojournalist someday.”“Really?” Alecto asked. For the first time since she’d met him, he sounded slightly enthusiastic. “…I take photographs and I film my own home movies, I have a darkroom as well… but I can’t be a photojournalist like you… I can’t be anything… still, at least I can take photographs, it’s fun.

Rebecca McNutt

Greg: Scott, great horde.My realization was that I could never *actually* live a life where I had to be constantly doing things like praising a dude's horde.So that made me feel better about myself.

Jesse Andrews

Better to have to retrace your steps and then move forward than never to move forward at all.

Anne Burack Sayre

Remember, the village idiot was the spiritual man who built the ark and saved his family. Keep being you and never give up marching to the beat of your own drum!

Shannon L. Alder

At least I rescued your poor hot dog.

R.L.Stine

What did the mat say to the door? You must be really aDOORable to open up to everyone who knock at you. And I welcome everyone and what do I get? People stepping all over me

Ana Claudia Antunes

A dessert to a deserter in the desert burst, "You trust your thirst. And you are too hot! You scream for ice cream. And believe it or not, I may not be your first. But I might be your lust! Give it a shot...

Ana Claudia Antunes

There is much to discover that's not on the back cover!

E.A. Bucchianeri

[When asked about his thoughts on gods]I think it's like a movie that was way too popular. It's a story that's been told too many times and just doesn't mean anything. Man lived on the planet — [placing his fingers an inch apart], this is 5000 years of semi-recorded history. And God and the Bible, that came in somewhere around the middle, maybe 2000. This is the last 2000, this is what we're about to celebrate [indicating about an 1/8th of an inch with his fingers]. Now, humans, in some shape or form, have been on the earth for three million years [pointing across the room to indicate the distance]. So, all this time, from there [gesturing toward the other side of the room], to here [indicating the 1/8th of an inch], there was no God, there was no story, there was no myth and people lived on this planet and they wandered and they gathered and they did all these things. The planet was never threatened. How did they survive for all this time without this belief in God? I'd like to ask this to someone who knows about Christianity and maybe you do. That just seems funny to me.

Eddie Vedder

The scientist believes in proof without certainty, the bigot in certainty without proof.

Ashley Montagu

If, as I have reason to believe, I have disintegrated the nucleus of the atom, this is of greater significance than th

Ernest Rutherford

Chase said, “It was a crazy idea.” An impossible idea.“Nothing is impossible, Chase, only improbable. And when you can see into the future and manipulate people into the right places, you can accomplish amazing things.”“I think I liked the idea better when it was in my head.

Adrienne Wilder

We were surrounded by thirty-foot-tall giants who were about to kill us. Then the sky opened up, and the gods descended.""Grandad," the kids said, "you are full of schist." "I'm not kidding!" he protested.

Rick Riordan

Soak blanket in gravy and make a delicious brick wrap. Serve in All Gravy Room at the Mandrake Hotel.

Christoph Fischer

The creative process is a love story that never ends. The ideas are like suitors competing for your attention. You may have relationships, with multiple ideas, at once. You may devote yourself completely to one idea, for a awhile, but the affairs will never end. There will always be more ideas to romance and more concepts to develop. And all for that wonderful moment when you get to gaze at the complete creation and hold perfection in your arms, for one blissful moment... before your inner-critic starts tearing it to shreds.

Jaeda DeWalt

You may say what you want to, but in my opinion she had more sand in her than any girl I ever see; in my opinion she was just full of sand.

Mark Twain

They thought more before nine a.m. than most people thought all month. I remember once declining cherry pie at dinner, and Rand cocked his head and said, 'Ahh! Iconoclast. Disdains the easy, symbolic patriotism.' And when I tried to laugh it off and said, well, I didn't like cherry cobbler either, Marybeth touched Rand's arm: 'Because of the divorce. All those comfort foods, the desserts a family eats together, those are just bad memories for Nick.' It was silly but incredibly sweet, these people spending so much energy trying to figure me out. The answer: I don't like cherries.

Gillian Flynn

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 … 12 Next

Funny Quotes - Page 3

Related Topics