Comedy Quotes - Page 16

People who are not blessed with the ability to make others laugh compensate for that by saying (or trying to say) things that are profound.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Where have all the Fembots gone?

Ren Garcia

Comedy is a necessity to get through life with the fewest scars. Humor is the best antidote to help relieve all struggles.

Suzy Kassem

When my mother passed away several years ago—well, wait a minute. Actually, she didn’t ‘pass away.’ She died. Something about that verb, ‘to pass away’ always sounds to me as if someone just drifted through the wallpaper. No, my mother did not pass away. She definitely died.

Steve Allen

Cause if you shoot a bullet someone dies. If you drop a bomb many die. You hit a woman, love dies. But if you say the F-word... nothing actually happens.

Richard Curtis

(On his gravestone): "I told you I was ill".

Spike Milligan

You are enough to drive a saint to madness or a king to his kneesExcerpt from To Kiss a King by Grace WillowsComing this summer to Amazon Kindle and paperback.

Grace Willows

You are enough to drive a saint to madness or a king to his knees.

Grace Willows

Oh honey, someday a real man is going to make you see stars and you won't even be looking at the sky." Excerpt from Grace Willow's Last Minute Bride

Grace Willows

She was a ray of sunshine, a warm summer rain, a bright fire on a cold winter’s day, and now she could be dead because she had tried to save the man she loved.

Grace Willows

Having somebody help you doesn't mean that you have failed. It just means that you're not in it alone

Messer (Life as we know it)

When it's sunny, why not spend some time dressing up and go out to have a walk!

Tachibana Higuchi

I noticed Xander had subtly adjusted his posture. He slouched slightly to the side, let his head hang, and then looked up through his bangs to gaze at something in the middle distance. Uber James Dean. Xander managed to pull it off as if he was looking at nothing, just having deep thoughts about the far away adventures he would be having if he wasn’t stuck waiting for a flowered suitcase at Hopkins International. I casually let my eyes slide across the room. There had to be cute girls somewhere close at hand. Otherwise Xander wouldn’t have broken out his middle distance gazing Tyrone Power eyes.

Adrianne Ambrose

This is my heart on CRACK." Robin when she sees Creek

Diane J. Reed

Gabrielle chuckled, her dark eyes twinkling. “So he’s been after you, has he? Poor Etta, pursued by a sun priest offering to pleasure—” “Every nook and cranny,” Marietta interrupted dryly and Gabrielle tipped her head back with a throaty laugh.

Michelle O'Leary

Never let other people bring you down let Jesus be the one who brings you down, because he knows what he is doing

Skye Daphne

You know," Kavita begins, "I think I can pick out my own furniture. I am an artist after all. I do have some taste.""No you don't." Nick plainly states. "No man has taste. Besides, I didn't pick it out, she did. Wives are good for things like that.

Carroll Bryant

I could shove this swizzle stick through his heart, Min thought. She wouldn’t do it, of course. The stick was plastic and not nearly pointed enough on the end. Also people didn’t do things like that in Southern Ohio. A sawed-off shotgun, that was the ticket.

Jennifer Crusie

Recent studies have shown that approximately 40% of authors are manic depressive. The rest of us just drink.

Melodie Campbell

Never mind that. What's going on with you and Heath?"Annabelle pulled a little wide-eyed innocence out of her rusty bag of college acting skills."What do you mean? Business.""Don't give me that. We've been friends too long."She switched to a furrowed brow. "He's my most important client. You know how much this means to me."Molly wasn't buying it. "I've seen the way you look at him. Like he was a slot machine with triple sevens tattooed on his forehead. If you fall in love with him, I swear I'll never speak toyou again." Annabelle nearly choked. She'd known Molly would be suspicious, but she hadn't expected an outright confrontation. "Are you nuts? Setting aside the fact that he treats me like a flunky, I'd never fall for a workaholic after what I've had to go through with my family." Falling in lust, however, was an entirely different matter."He has a calculator for a heart," Molly said. "I thought you liked him.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

If you don't want to tear off the clothes of the person you're on a date with and jump into bed with them, then what's the point? I'd never date; instead, I'd have lots of good friends and hug them a lot and life would be easier and neater and uncomplicated.

Rachel Machacek

So you want me to go to a human orgy, where I will not be welcome, and you want us to leave before I get to enjoy myself? ~Eric Northman

Charlaine Harris

And then to Leo’s surprise, Catherine smiled at him. A sweet, natural, brilliant smile, the first she had ever given him. Leo felt his chest tighten, and he went hot all over, as if some euphoric drug had gone straight to his nervous system.It felt like … happiness.He remembered happiness from a long time ago. He didn’t want to feel it. And yet the giddy warmth kept washing over him for no reason whatsoever.“Thank you,” Catherine said, the smile still hovering on her lips. “That is kind of you, my lord. But I will never dance with you.”Which, of course, made it the goal of Leo’s life.

Lisa Kleypas

Tsuyokini,honkiMutekini,sutekiGenki,yuuki!--Kusakabe Maron

Arina Tanemura

Now, this is where I draw the line! It's bad enough everybody in town's going to be thinkin' I'm sleeping with a depressed, lice-ridden, hemorrhoidal foreigner who likes to be tied up and might be pregnant, although-since she's just about cornered the market on condoms-I don't know how that could have happened. But I will not-you listen to me, Emma!-I absolutely will not have anybody thinkin' a woman of mine needs a vaginal moisturizer, do you hear me?

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

She threw up her hands. "All right. Why not?" Why not?" Sure." His arms fell to his sides. "That's it? I pour my heart out. I love you so much I've got freakin' tears in my eyes. And all I get in return is 'Why not'?" What did you expect? Am I supposed to fall all over you just because you've finally come to your senses?" Would it be too much to ask?"...He'd begun to glare at her again, his eyes growing stormier by the minute."When do you think you might be ready? To fall all over me, that is.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

He shook his head. "The next time I hear a women going on about how neurotic men are, I'm going to remember this. You tell me you like my body, and what do I say? I say, thank you. Then I tell you I like yours and what do I hear? A long lists of grievances.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Come here, let me share a bit of wisdom with you.Have you given much thought to our mortal condition?Probably not. Why would you? Well, listen.There's no one alivewho can say if he will be tomorrow.Our fate moves invisibly! A mystery.No one can teach it, no one can grasp it.Accept this! Cheer up! Have a drink!You can let the rest go. Am I making sense?I think so. How about a drink.Put on a garland. I'm surethe happy splash of wine will cure your mood.We're all mortal you know. Think mortal.Because my theory is, there's no such thing as life,

Anne Carson

There is no greater power than that of a laugh and happiness is a force which can save a person from the horrors of the world.

Hillary DePiano

They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen, because, who the fuck needs them? Or firemen, son of a bitch, it's much more fun watching something burn down.

Lewis Black

You want me to pin my entire operation, the entire revolution on some teenaged love story? I can't believe this.

Victoria Aveyard

To be a philosopher, just reverse everything you have ever been told...and have a sense of humor doing it.

Criss Jami

Good man and bad man with money goes a long ways." ~ Amunhotep El Bey

Amunhotep El Bey

If those at your top are weak, your bottom will be rotten

Benny Bellamacina

If you cannot find an element of Humour in something, your not taking it seriously enough.

Ilyas Kassam

There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.

George Carlin

The stalker, meanwhile, stepped into the road. Didn’t even check for traffic. There wasn’t any, but something told me this was lucky for traffic rather than the stalker.

Graham Parke

Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?

Bill Hicks

As soon as you have made a thought, laugh at it.

Lao Tzu

Some stories have to be written because no one would believe the absurdity of it all.

Shannon L. Alder

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

Chelsea Handler

Miss Butterworth and the Mad Baron,” Sebastian said approvingly. “Excellent choice.”“You have read this?” Alexei asked.“It’s not as good as Miss Davenport and the Dark Marquis, of course, but worlds better than Miss Sainsbury and the Mysterious Colonel.”Harry found himself rendered speechless.“I’m reading Miss Truesdale and the Silent Gentleman right now.”“Silent?” Harry echoed.“There is a noticeable lack of dialogue,” Sebastian confirmed.

Julia Quinn

Don’t do anything stupid.""Don’t worry," I whispered over the line, "I’m an expert on stupid.""You’re...""Like, I can spot stupidity, because I know it so well. The way an exterminator knows bugs really well, and can spot where they’ve been? I’m like that. A stupidinator.""Never say that word again," Prof said.

Brandon Sanderson

My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.

Chelsea Handler

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

Steve Martin

You think I'd cheat on you?" I demanded with all the innocent outrage I could muster."With another guy, no. With a cheeseburger . . . in a heartbeat.

Lisa Kleypas

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Mel Brooks

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

Steve Martin

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Erma Bombeck

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?

Chris Rock

Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.

Lewis Black

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man.

Louis C.K.

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

Eric Idle

Life is a drama full of tragedy and comedy. You should learn to enjoy the comic episodes a little more.

Jeannette Walls

Life is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.

Jean Racine

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Horace Walpole

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Comedy Quotes - Page 16

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