Comedy Quotes - Page 12

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

He who writes books that aim to convince is a comedian, too, just a comedian. What has he got to offer others, apart from chains, still more chains? Fiction never liberated anyone. No one ever brought anything back from voyages through dream worlds.

Jean-Marie G. Le Clézio

Don't you remember what your grandfather used to say? That thing about pots and people?""That pots were like people," Alex replied flatly, thinking back to his grandfather carrying a tray of wet freshly thrown clay pots across the studio in ancient Athens. "He said you couldn't tell how well they'd turn out until they'd been fired in the kiln.""Well then?""Well then, what?" muttered Alex. "Some pots shatter in the heat, Aries. I should know. I was the one who had to sweep them up every evening. Sometimes it's better not to go near the fire.""Well, that's the spirit I must say!" huffed Aries. "Thank you very much!

Julia Wills

All children in those small-town, unhurried days had a vast inner life going on in the movies. Children were allowed to go without chaperone in the afternoons. My sense of making fictional comedy undoubtedly first caught its spark from the antic pantomime of the silent screen, and from having a kindred soul to laugh with.

Eudora Welty

People in blind love throw away common sense, conscience and comedy from the life.

Amit Kalantri

And because she worshipped joy, Kira seldom laughed and did not go to see comedies in theaters. And because she felt a profound rebellion against the weighty, the tragic, the solemn, Kira had a solemn reverence for those songs of defiant gaiety.

Ayn Rand

The appreciative smile, the chuckle, the soundless mirth, so important to the success of comedy, cannot be understood unless one sits among the audience and feels the warmth created by the quality of laughter that the audience takes home with it.

James Thurber

The point of tantric sex was supposedly to harness sexual energy to awaken higher consciousness. It was just like yoga, but way more fun.

Jackson Radcliffe

I’m 30, it’s Christmas, and I’m a writer without a job. I sit hereengulfed in a furious fit of frustration. My future unknown. Mynuts so small you could fit them in a gnat’s navel and have roomleft over for my brain.

Josh Mitchell

The male tax?”“Yeah. The tax that men have to pay for not having to menstruate every month. Or risk getting pregnant. Or deal with the physically stronger sex in a macho world… Women have to put up with all that stuff, so the least we men can do is pay the male tax and get the tab.

Zack Love

So, if there are any couples here this evening having a secret extramarital affair, I encourage you to breed.

Alison Larkin

You are gonna get it now sweetheart," he grunted, seizing her nipples and massaging them roughly."Aw, what are you gonna do Max? Blow a load and get all sad about it afterwards?

Eve Dangerfield

Keep your southern fried bullshit to yourself. And know this, Charlie is the sweetest girl I've ever met and if you hurt her, or infect her with some kind of disease, you will die. Slowly.

Eve Dangerfield

James couldn't help it, he smiled. Charlotte was the strangest girl he'd spent time with lately, not because she was weird or even kinky, but because sweetness seemed to pour from her skin like molasses.

Eve Dangerfield

People say memories are there to be cherished. I believe memories are there to be created, and if you do something worthwhile today, you will stop living in the past

James Perrin

I ejaculated about ten minutes ago and the stuff was black. So everything is not normal."Silence greeted that happy little announcement. Man, if he had hauled off and sucker-punched V, he would have gotten less of a shocked-out reaction.

J.R. Ward

As an author I'm in my head all day and I worry that I lose touch with reality. But then my dog pees on my shoe and I know I've found it again.

Michelle M. Pillow

Right then, in a nutshell: this one hasn't a single bone of obedient-little-wife material in her heavenly body.''Hasn't she? Then what kind of bone does your expertise detect?'Fermin came closer, adopting a confidential tone. 'The passionate kind,' he said, raising his eyebrows with an air of mystery. 'And you can be sure I mean that as a compliment.

Carlos Ruiz Zafón

If you find yourself cutting corners, go in a circle instead

Benny Bellamacina

I've never heard of a man's cock being described as a fang before. - Rapahel

Nalini Singh

In a simple street you can find the whole world: You can find joy and sorrow; you can find good and evil, silence and noise; you can find all the comedies and all the tragedies! An ordinary simple street is the mirror of the whole world!

Mehmet Murat ildan

There is remedy for all things except death - Don Quixote De La Mancha

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Immortality is the new twenty!

Erin Fall Haskell

Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without even your asking, that deep inside they are very serious, neurotic, introspective people.

Wendy Wasserstein

You can't fight hatred with hatred and expect anyone to listen to you. You can only try to lessen it with humor, wit, truth and commonsense. If that doesn't work run like hell, while they throw rocks at you.

Shannon L. Alder

A question that always makes me hazy is it me or are the others crazy'Albert Einstein

Victoria Ward

Family is not a career. It’s why you have a career. If you can’t be there for the big moments, then why are you doing it?

Jewel E. Ann

Oooh, dinner and a show! How come you never take us to dinner and a show?"He smiled at Roxy. "I would spend the entire evening fending off the hordes of your admirers."She fanned herself and grinned back at him. "You gotta love all that suave debonairness!

Katie MacAlister

He had to die someday too. He might do it on sheets with a six-hundred-plus thread count, but he'd die just the same. Death wouldn't forget about him.

John Howard Matthews

The first thing you lose when you die is your motor skills.

John Howard Matthews

The only way to get the ending you want is to write your own story.

Ashley Ford

I don't believe in virgin sacrifice. It encourages promiscuity at an early age

Adrianne Ambrose

Some people fight fire with fire. I've found water to be more effective.

Adrianne Ambrose

No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpork. Well technically they had, quite often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but somehow the puzzled raiders found, after a few days, that they didn't own their horses any more, and within a couple of months they were just another minority group with its own graffiti and food shops.

Terry Pratchett

Once bitten twice shy? Sure, but... why not get a bigger dog and bite them back?

A.A. Bell

The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard

Josh Stern

Take care of your car in the garage, and the car will take care of you on the road.

Amit Kalantri

Among all the machines, motorcar is my favorite machine.

Amit Kalantri

I am so obsessed with the cars that sometimes I feel like my heart is not a muscle, it's an engine.

Amit Kalantri

I love the wheels, I mean steering wheel.

Amit Kalantri

What do you mean? In Old Castle? I still live with my parents in case you haven’t noticed, Jack. Those two strangers – that man and woman sitting on my sofa – are actually my parents. Oh, you mean your place? Yes, let’s evict your parents…let’s place them neatly in a cardboard box and leave it by the rubbish bins!

Jonathan Dunne

Music and comedy are so linked. The rhythm of comedy is connected to the rhythm of music. They’re both about creating tension and knowing when to let it go. I’m always surprised when somebody funny is not musical.

Conan O'Brien

For the record, folks; I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973.

Frank Zappa

The Ultimate Rule ought to be: 'If it sounds GOOD to you, it's bitchin'; if it sounds BAD to YOU, it's shitty. The more your musical experience, the easier it is to define for yourself what you like and what you don't like. American radio listeners, raised on a diet of _____ (fill in the blank), have experienced a musical universe so small they cannot begin to know what they like.

Frank Zappa

Oh, I forgot to tell you the rest of it—he’s a widower now, so they can ride off together into the sunset, their wedding rings glinting.

Brenda Joyce

Comedy is not the opposite of darkness, but its natural bedfellow. Pain makes laughter necessary; laughter makes pain tolerable.

Mindy Greenstein

Through comedy, we can touch core societal beliefs and transform them completely. I believe we can get to the truth of some deep societal ideologies, and begin to transform them into a new understanding. Far too many promote hateful ideologies, and we must do much more to bring our cultures together, in love and peace.

Catherine Chen

The human comedy is always tragic, but since its ingredients are always the same—dupe, fox, straight, like burlesque skits—the repetition through the ages is comedy.

Dawn Powell

Humanity is a comic role.

Novalis

That was 1993 grunge in suburbia. This was 2003 hell in Harlem. (Dark City Lights)

Eve Kagan

Be careful not to appear obsessively intellectual. When intelligence fills up, it overflows a parody.

Criss Jami

For me, every week is a fashion week.

Nuno Roque

Artist communities love to bullshit each other and glad-hand one another, and there's no room for the crippling honesty of comedy."I'm a painter" -- well... you don't...probably need to do that.. . . if you're painting something that doesn't exist, I understand that, I can appreciate- . . . but if your pain- 'oh, it's a barnyard scene in autumn'--well then just take a picture of a barn in autumn! It's way better than a painting! - Before Turning the Gun on Himself [2012]

Doug Stanhope

I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.

Craig Ferguson

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it...try to fake three laughs in an hour -- ha ha ha ha ha -- they'll take you away, man. You can't.

Lenny Bruce

Friendship is constant in all other thingsSave in the office and affairs of love.Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues.Let every eye negotiate for itself,And trust no agent; for beauty is a witchAgainst whose charms faith melteth into blood.

William Shakespeare

What can you answer? Now be careful, don’t arouse my spite, Or with my slipper I’ll take you napping,faces slappingLeft and right.

Aristophanes

There is a simple explanation for why men haven't found women funny. It's because men only ever experience women in relation to men: they never get to see what women are like with one another. Shows like ours started to let men in on the joke.

Magda Szubanski

...Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny,' or 'Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny... Do you have anything to say to that?'Yes. We don't fucking care if you like it.I don't say it out loud, of course, because Jerry Lewis is a great philanthropist, Hitchens is very sick, and the third guy I made up.

Tina Fey

[T]he definition of 'crazy' in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to fuck her anymore.

Tina Fey

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Comedy Quotes - Page 12

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