Birthdays Quotes

He is at an age that whenever a pretty girl smiles at him he immediately looks down to see what is unzipped.

Life begins at fifty but so does bad eyesight arthritis and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same listeners.

Anonymous

Women don't get a tattoo. That butterfly looks great on your breast when you're twenty or thirty but when you get to be seventy it stretches into a condor.

When Julia Child was asked to what she credited her longevity she replied "Red meat and gin."

Anonymous

When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.

Anonymous

I refuse to admit I'm more than fifty-two even if that does make my sons illegitimate.

Lady Nancy Astor

There are three ages of man: youth middle age and "Gee you look good."

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do.

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.

Sigmund Z. Engel

I'm at an age where my back goes out more than I do.

Remember when we used to laugh at old people when we were young? Do you recall what was so funny?

Anonymous

You know you are getting older when "happy hour" is a nap.

Gray Kristofferson

I wouldn't say someone is old just because his social security is in Roman numerals or because Mozart played at his senior prom.

Anonymous

If you think a lot of the comments made tonight are not funny but are immature and tasteless that's only because the sense of humor is the first thing to go.

Anonymous

I was going to take you out to lunch for your birthday . . . but you already are.

Anonymous

We've reached an age that when construction workers stare at us it's because they figure we might be considering a remodeling job.

Susan McClellan

You're only young once but you can always be immature.

Middle age is when you have met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else and usually is.

Actually being sixty-five isn't so bad. As a matter of fact I rather like being called a sexagenarian. At this time of life it sounds like flattery.

Middle age is when your narrow waist and broad mind begin to change places.

The secret to longevity is to keep breathing.

I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her.

People who have the most birthdays live the longest.

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.

Franklin Pierce Adams

I have everything I had twenty years ago only it's all a little bit lower.

I may be forty but every morning when I get up I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately there's never one around.

To what do you attribute your advanced age? Well I suppose I must attribute it to the fact that I have not died.

Sir Malcolm Sargent

Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind it doesn't matter.

When she told me her age I believed her - why not? she hasn't changed her story for five years.

Anonymous

She was born in the year of our Lord only knows. The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost. They are added to other women's.

Diane de Poitiers

Old age is like everything else to make a success of it you got to start young.

The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.

I was just thinking when I was a young girl I never knew what every young girl was supposed to know. And now I am going to be an old lady I don't know what every old lady is supposed to know.

I stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

At eighty-eight how do you feel when getting up in the morning? . . . Amazed!

Ludwig von Mises

Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does - except wrinkles. It's true some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.

Abigail Van Buren

Sometimes I feel that I'm not just aging . . . I'm decomposing.

Fletcher Anderson

My notion of a wife at forty is that a man should be able to change her like a banknote for two twenties.

Douglas Jerrold

Middle age is when your old classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

It's a sobering thought: When Mozart was my age he had been dead for two years.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

When I think of my dad as a little boy I tend to think of him in black and white.

Anonymous

The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it.

Doris Day

I don't generally feel anything until noon then it's time for my nap.

Bob Hope

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always asked to do things and you are not yet decrepit enough to turn them down.

T.S Eliot

It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.

I'm sixty-five but if there were fifteen months in every year I'd only be forty-eight.

Try to accept each other for what you are and don't point out the fact that the hair he's losing on his head is now growing out of his nose - and his ears.

Peg Bundy

Middle age is when anything new in the way you feel is most likely a symptom.

Laurence J. Peter

There's one advantage to being 102. There's no peer pressure.

Dennis Wolfberg

I can't tell you his age but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

You know you're getting older when you don't care where your wife goes just so you don't have to go along.

Enjoy how sweet how thoughtful how kind I'm being on your birthday. Because tomorrow it's back to the same old crap.

Melvin Helitzer

As one cat said to another: Birthdays are like fur balls - the more you have the more you gag.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to a hundred.

She claims she just turned thirty but it must have been a U-turn!

She's not pushing forty she's dragging it.

Anonymous

Looking fifty is great - if you're sixty.

Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier.

For weeks I've been telling him not to buy anything for my birthday and he still forgot to bring me something.

Tanya Noe

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