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Santa Claus has nothing to do with it,” the latke said. “Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things.””But different things can often blend together,” said the pine tree. “Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals.

Lemony Snicket
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Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is torn apart by wild animals someday. Wouldn't that be satisfying?
Lemony Snicket
The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.
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One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one's regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different.
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One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one’s regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different.
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I'm afraid it's not nonsense," Genghis said, shaking his turbaned head and continuing his story. "As I was saying before the little girl interrupted me, the baby didn't dash off with the other orphans. She just sat there like a sack of flour. So I walked over to her and gave her a kick to get her moving.""Excellent idea!" Nero said. "What a wonderful story this is! And then what happened?""Well, at first it seemed like I'd kicked a big hole in the baby," Genghis said, his eyes shining, "which seemed lucky, because Sunny was a terrible athlete and it would have been a blessing to put her out of her misery."Nero clapped his hands. "I know just what you mean, Genghis," he said. "She's a terrible secretary as well.""But she did all that stapling," Mr. Remora protested. "Shut up and let the coach finish his story," Nero said."But when I looked down," Genghis continued, "I saw that I hadn't kicked a hole in a baby. I'd kicked a hole in a bag of flour! I'd been tricked!""That's terrible!" Nero cried.
Lemony Snicket
You don't spend your life hanging around books without learning a thing or two.
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This is an absurd moral, for you and I both know that sometimes not only is it good to lie, it is necessary to lie.
Lemony Snicket
The map is not the territory," Snicket's chaperon advises him. "That's an expression which means the world does not match the picture in our heads.
Lemony Snicket
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