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Quotes by Satirists
- Page 8
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Ambrose Bierce
One—about cigarettes—I was pleased to see that anticigarette ad on the back issue of Hustler. I'm more offended by seeing ads for cigarettes in magazines than pictures of vaginas, because one kills and the other gives life—and I think that's an important difference.
Paul Krassner
Speaking one’s mind once is more honorable than quoting a thousand men.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
An editor is someone who is paid to tell a writer what she thinks about how he wrote what he thinks about.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Interviews were invented to make journalism less passive. Instead of waiting for something to happen, journalists ask someone what should or could happen.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Death, only death, can break the lasting chain;And here, ev'n then, shall my cold dust remain
Alexander Pope
A makeover is the rebranding of a human being.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The boring thing about being interesting is that you bore boring people.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
People who wear G-strings suffer from indecision.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Man is more likely to believe an opinion that he wanted to hear … than a fact that he wishes was an opinion.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He put this engine [a silver pocket watch] into our ears, which made an incessant noise, like that of a water-mill: and we conjecture it is either some unknown animal, or the god that he worships; but we are more inclined to the latter opinion, because he assured us, (if we understood him right, for he expressed himself very imperfectly) that he seldom did any thing without consulting it. He called it his oracle, and said, it pointed out the time for every action of his life.
Jonathan Swift
Always ask any questions that are to be asked and never answer any. Turn everything you hear to your own advantage. Always carry a repair outfit. Take left turns as much as possible. Never apply your front brake first.‘If you follow them’, said the Sergeant, ‘you will save your soul and never get a fall on a slippery road.
Flann O'Brien
Technically, according to the notion of the will of God, there is no such a thing as a competent surgeon.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
*You only get one chance to make a first impression.* Ah, whatever!!! Who said you get three chances to make the second impression?!!
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!The world forgetting, by the world forgot.Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d
Alexander Pope
What dire offence from am'rous causes springs,What mighty contests rise from trivial things,...
Alexander Pope
If I seem to you to change my state and alter my condition, I do not change my mind. I try always to be Hutten, never to desert myself, but to walk with equanimity through the unequal scenes of life.
Ulrich von Hutten
Even Mahatma Gandhi - hardly a comfortable character - always wore a bowler hat with his loin cloth when practising as a barrister in London.
William Donaldson
Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame.
Alexander Pope
He who limps is still walking.
Stanisław Jerzy Lec
If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish
Lenny Bruce
Now is the time to drink!
Horace
Some women are good-looking … until they change their hairstyle.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In the Bible, a woman was made from a man. In real life, a man is made from a woman.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Saying that someone is full of themselves is silly. Who else can one be full of … except self?
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Reading leads to knowing more. Knowing more leads to arrogance. Reading further leads to humbleness.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Creating is the closest thing to being immortal.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You scoundrel, you have wronged me," hissed the philosopher, "May you live forever!
Ambrose Bierce
The streets are a poor kid’s PlayStation™
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Life humbles the rich by giving them problems that money can’t resolve, or, dissolve.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Not every happy person is rich, and, Not every rich person is happy.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
An afro is a poor man’s haircut.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Expensive clothing is a poor man’s attempt to appear prosperous.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To put an arrogant 'famous' singer in her place: pretend to be deaf.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A celebrity is an object that the media manufactures today, just so they have a subject tomorrow.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Sun glasses are the unofficial celebrities’ uniform.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Though you can get smart from reading everything that a smart person writes, you cannot get famous from reading about everything that a famous person does or is said to have done.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Hypocrisy is when you get mad at a friend for telling their other friend a secret that your other friend told you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Do not treat others as you would not like to be treated' frees one from hypocrisy. 'Treat others as you would like to be treated' enslaves one with insincerity.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I am never forget the day I first meet the great Lobachevsky.In one word he told me secret of success in mathematics:Plagiarize!Plagiarize!Let no one else's work evade your eyes!Remember why the good Lord made your eyes!So don't shade your eyes,But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize -Only be sure always to call it please 'resea
Tom Lehrer
Having, then, once introduced an element of inconsistency into his system, he was far too consistent not to be inconsistent consistently, and he lapsed ere long into an amiable indifferentism which to outward appearance differed but little from the indifferentism …
Samuel Butler
Achievement is the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
Ambrose Bierce
Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
Ambrose Bierce
Social networking platforms drove man closer to those in neighboring continents, while driving him further apart from those in his neighborhood.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thou shalt not tweet to be retweeted.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thou shalt not unfollow someone, merely because they stopped following you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thou shalt not follow someone, merely because they are following you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thanks to the internet, you can provoke thoughts of those in mansions, from the uncomfortableness of your shack.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thou shalt not think that thou be a leader, merely because thee be having more than 0 followers.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
People who talk too much are tiresome, especially those who are not informative, thought-provoking, or funny.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Mention but the word "divinity," and our sense of the divine is clouded.
Samuel Butler
Like bubbles on the sea of matter borne, they rise, they break, and to that sea return.
Alexander Pope
Once born, how long a man will live matters. Once dead, how long he has lived doesn’t.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Pale Death with impartial tread beats at the poor man's cottage door and at the palaces of kings.
Horace
Prejudices are so to speak the mechanical instincts of men: through their prejudices they do without any effort many things they would find too difficult to think through to the point of resolving to do them.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
Ambrose Bierce
Avarice is patriotic!
William Donaldson
People who get offended by your not saying 'Thank you!' … after they’ve paid you a compliment were merely desperate to be thanked.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A historian is a risk-terrified prophet.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
What 'primitive' men called gossip, 'civilized' men call news.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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