Quotes by Satirists - Page 8

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Ambrose Bierce
One—about cigarettes—I was pleased to see that anticigarette ad on the back issue of Hustler. I'm more offended by seeing ads for cigarettes in magazines than pictures of vaginas, because one kills and the other gives life—and I think that's an important difference.
Paul Krassner
Speaking one’s mind once is more honorable than quoting a thousand men.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
An editor is someone who is paid to tell a writer what she thinks about how he wrote what he thinks about.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Interviews were invented to make journalism less passive. Instead of waiting for something to happen, journalists ask someone what should or could happen.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Death, only death, can break the lasting chain;And here, ev'n then, shall my cold dust remain
Alexander Pope
A makeover is the rebranding of a human being.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The boring thing about being interesting is that you bore boring people.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
People who wear G-strings suffer from indecision.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Man is more likely to believe an opinion that he wanted to hear … than a fact that he wishes was an opinion.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He put this engine [a silver pocket watch] into our ears, which made an incessant noise, like that of a water-mill: and we conjecture it is either some unknown animal, or the god that he worships; but we are more inclined to the latter opinion, because he assured us, (if we understood him right, for he expressed himself very imperfectly) that he seldom did any thing without consulting it. He called it his oracle, and said, it pointed out the time for every action of his life.
Jonathan Swift
Always ask any questions that are to be asked and never answer any. Turn everything you hear to your own advantage. Always carry a repair outfit. Take left turns as much as possible. Never apply your front brake first.‘If you follow them’, said the Sergeant, ‘you will save your soul and never get a fall on a slippery road.
Flann O'Brien
Technically, according to the notion of the will of God, there is no such a thing as a competent surgeon.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
*You only get one chance to make a first impression.* Ah, whatever!!! Who said you get three chances to make the second impression?!!
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!The world forgetting, by the world forgot.Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d
Alexander Pope
What dire offence from am'rous causes springs,What mighty contests rise from trivial things,...
Alexander Pope
If I seem to you to change my state and alter my condition, I do not change my mind. I try always to be Hutten, never to desert myself, but to walk with equanimity through the unequal scenes of life.
Ulrich von Hutten
Even Mahatma Gandhi - hardly a comfortable character - always wore a bowler hat with his loin cloth when practising as a barrister in London.
William Donaldson
Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame.
Alexander Pope
He who limps is still walking.
Stanisław Jerzy Lec
If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish
Lenny Bruce