Quotes by Satirists - Page 18

Trust not yourself; but your defects to know,Make use of ev'ry friend—and ev'ry foe.
Alexander Pope
Some of our friends are our friends only because we used to be friends.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Poverty has deceived many of us into believing that some people who are in that state love the food, clothes, places, and people that they do not even like. The same can be said about wealth.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Masturbation = Imagination + Activity. Worry = Imagination + Negativity.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A slice of bread eaten is a million times more nourishing than a loaf of bread imagined.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To masturbate is to imagine: physically.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Where beams of imagination play,The memory's soft figures melt away.
Alexander Pope
He thought he was walking along a dusty road that showed white in the gathering darkness of a summer night. Whence and whither it led, and why he traveled it, he did not know, though all seemed simple and natural, as is the way in dreams; for in the Land Beyond the Bed surprises cease from troubling and the judgment is at rest.
Ambrose Bierce
Stab me if you can enjoy it - but not if it feels like a duty. Stab me vertically if I’m lying down and horizontally if I’m running
Steve Aylett
Vision is the art of seeing things invisible.
Jonathan Swift
Deep sadness is an artist of powers that affects people in different ways. To one it comes like the stroke of an arrow, shocking all the emotions to a sharper life. To another, it comes as the blow of a crushing strike.
Ambrose Bierce
Grief is an artist of powers as various as the instruments upon which he plays his dirges for the dead, evoking from some the sharpest, shrillest notes, from others the low, grave chords that throb recurrent like the slow beating of a distant drum. Some natures it startles; some it stupefies. To one it comes like the stroke of an arrow, stinging all the sensibilities to a keener life; to another as the blow of a bludgeon, which in crushing benumbs.
Ambrose Bierce
Unacquainted with grief, I knew not how to appraise my bereavement; I could not rightly estimate the strength of the stroke.
Ambrose Bierce
Free is he who is reputable for not being fearful of losing his reputation.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He who acquired all his wealth by *being at the right place at the right time* is hypocritical by being angry for losing all his wealth because of his *being at the wrong place at the wrong time.*
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When you lose a friend or a lover, those who remain in your life gain (more of your attention).
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Ownership breeds slavery: with every single thing that you acquire, comes a new worry of not losing that thing.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There’s a correlation between the number of digits on a man’s bank balance, and, the number of things that his woman is willing to forgive him for.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We all love best not those who offend us least, nor those who have done most for us, but those who make it most easy for us to forgive them.
Samuel Butler
Dating is a man-made ideology: if having a lover was a prerequisite to living, one would either be in a relationship, or, six feet under.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Meeting, for the first time in person, someone that you’ve ‘known’ for sometime online = Taking the relationship to the ‘previous’ level.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There is a correlation between one’s estimation of the odds of finding a new lover who is, at the least, of the same standard as they one they’re currently in a dead relationship with, and, their attempting to revive a dead relationship.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When a dreamer loses his lover, his dream profits. (Unless, of course, the lover was the dreamer's dream.)
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In some rare cases, a friendship between two people benefits both of them, and what’s more, in some rarer cases, it benefits both of them equally.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people each left their spouse or lover because he or she was no longer the primary source of their happiness; some, because their spouse or lover was, at that time, the primary source of their unhappiness.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Many marriages would have been laid to rest a long time ago, if they were not on a life-support machine called other people’s opinions and/or expectations.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Light's all very well, brothers, but it's not easy to live with.
Mikhail Zoshchenko
The modern man is usually in a hurry to get to a destination from which he will sooner or later suffer from and at times complain about boredom.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I tend to avoid people who always have something to say … and those who expect me to always have something to say.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Don't learn to do, but learn in doing.
Samuel Butler
Sniffing glue is a homeless nonbeliever's prayer.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Closing one’s eyes when praying doesn’t increase the odds of the prayer being answered. It merely decreases the odds of being distracted.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When the going gets tough: the poor close their eyes, the rich open their wallets.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
While pensive poets painful vigils keep,Sleepless themselves, to give their readers sleep.
Alexander Pope
You are not walking slow enough, when taking a walk, if you do not come across as bored or depressed (to the average sane person).
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There are words and accents by which this grief can be assuaged, and the disease in a great measure removed.
Horace
Faeces by any other name would smell as gross
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Intelligence is a way of thinking, not a choice of words.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Words are clothes that thoughts wear
Samuel Butler
We want words to do more than they can. We try to do with them what comes to very much like trying to mend a watch with a pickaxe or to paint a miniature with a mop; we expect them to help us to grip and dissect that which in ultimate essence is as ungrippable as shadow. Nevertheless there they are; we have got to live with them, and the wise course is to treat them as we do our neighbours, and make the best and not the worst of them.
Samuel Butler
In many a case, the phrase ‘I’d like to get to know you better’ is a euphemism for ‘I want us to fuck.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Words are like Leaves; and where they most abound,Much Fruit of Sense beneath is rarely found.
Alexander Pope
He had some taste for romance reading before he went to the university, where, we must confess, in justice to his college, he was cured of the love of reading in all its shapes; and the cure would have been radical, if disappointment in love, and total solitude, had not conspired to bring on a relapse.
Thomas Love Peacock
Modern literature is a north-east wind--a blight of the human soul. I take credit to myself for having helped to make it so. The way to produce fine fruit is to blight the flower. You call this a paradox. Marry, so be it.
Thomas Love Peacock
If we go on in this way, we shall have a new art of poetry, of which one of the first rules will be: To remember to forget that there are any such things as sunshine and music in the world.
Thomas Love Peacock
Every man's work, whether it be literature, or music or pictures or architecture or anything else, is always a portrait of himself.
Samuel Butler
Technically, you cannot really own a book you bought; you can only own the sheets of paper your copy is printed on; unless, of course, you are the book’s publisher.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Whenever I encounter writer’s block, I stop writing … with my hands; and I then start writing with my legs.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It’s easy to write a sentence, paragraph, or book. What’s difficult is writing the best sentence, paragraph, or book, you can write.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some like to understand what they believe in. Others like to believe in what they understand
Stanisław Jerzy Lec
A belief is an uneducated guess.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
An agnostic is a creature that is religiously skeptical whenever it is told that God exists … or that He doesn’t.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I am confident of my ability to demonstrate that one can sometimes believe in something and yet not believe in it. Nothing is less fathomable than the systems that motivate our actions.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Leave off asking what tomorrow will bring, andwhatever days fortune will give, count themas profit.
Horace
Worrying about what happened on Monday, or, what might happen on Wednesday, is at the expense of one’s Tuesday.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Contrary to popular belief: Knowing where you are from will not really tell you where you are going. It will merely tell you why you are where you are.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The present is the closest that you will ever get to the future.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The present is an eternal attempt to separate the past from the future.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.
John Sladek