Quotes by Satirists

Thou shalt not follow someone, merely because they are following you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thou shalt not unfollow someone, merely because they stopped following you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thou shalt not tweet to be retweeted.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A lucky man is rarer than a white crow.
Juvenal
I am his Highness' dog at Kew;Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?
Alexander Pope
Generally, people need less than a quarter of what they want.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In some cases, people with a body (whose size) they did not long for are victims of having a bank balance (whose size) they longed for.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Love songs are nothing without exaggeration.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A broke man’s lover doesn’t feel ‘loved’ on her Birthday, Christmas, and, on Valentine’s Day.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Not everyone who has helped or is helping you wanted or wants to help you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
School programs the schooled to type a CV. Life inspires the unschooled to type a business plan.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The more civilized people are, the more honorable working hard is to them. As a result, the more civilized we get, the less we live.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A phone call should be a convenience to the caller, not an inconvenience to the called.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A church service starts and ends with a prayer. A magazine starts and ends with an advert.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
People who smile while they are alone used to be called insane, until we invented smartphones and social media.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people’s faeces more disgusting than a bird’s droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You can only manage to convince a person to admit to being wrong, not ignorant, arrogant, or stupid.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To most Americans, a dog is a potential mate. To some Chinese, a dog is potential meat.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are all born agnostics. Atheism and theism is sold to us.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To a blind man, pawn shop and porn shop are one. To an unintelligent man, oversleeping and sleeping over are opposites.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thou shalt not use the 140 characters limit as an excuse for bad grammar and/or incorrect spelling.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some of our friends are our friends only because we used to be friends.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Technically, you cannot really own a book you bought; you can only own the sheets of paper your copy is printed on; unless, of course, you are the book’s publisher.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Needs are imposed by nature. Wants are sold by society.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some women would not have contracted an STD or STDs had they not been on the pill.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
*Prostitution* is a euphemism for rape incidents that the victim and the economy profits from.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In some cases, it is the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that has left her man for another.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In many cases, it was the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that fell for her man.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When you love someone, you end up caring about each and every person they love. When you hate someone, you end up caring about every single person who hates them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Besides what endless brawls by wives are bred,The curtain lecture makes a mournful bed.
Juvenal
There is nothing inherently painful about being cheated on.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The Offices rerooted me in a tradition where, monk or not, I would always be at home. From long ago I knew the power of their repetition, the incantatory force of the Psalms. But they had an added power now. As a kid, the psalmist (or psalmists) had seemed remote to me, the Psalms long prayers which sometimes rose to great poetry but often had simply to be endured. For a middle-aged man, the psalmists' moods and feelings came alive. One of the voices sounded a lot like a modern New Yorker, me or people I knew: a manic-depressive type A personality sometimes up, more often down, sometimes resigned, more often pissed off, railing about his sneaky enemies and feckless friends, always bitching to the Lord about the rotten hand he'd been dealt. That good old changelessness.
Tony Hendra
If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
Lenny Bruce
Some mistakes are worse than others: wearing your underwear inside out isn’t as uncomfortable as wearing it back to front.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It is in the best interest of the rich to preserve poverty.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Poverty does not always prevent a rich person from dating someone who is poor, unless the man is the one who is poor.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If there were something that Mother Nature or God could do with money, She or He would have sold immortality to the rich a long time ago.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Instead of being regarded as intelligent or knowledgeable, many a woman would rather be regarded as beautiful or good in the kitchen; many a man, as handsome or good in bed.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some of the people we feel sorry for feel sorry for us for thinking that they are the ones who should be felt sorry for.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Making God a man is the consolation prize that our forefathers gave themselves for not being the ones who were each blessed with a vagina.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most people do not mind dying, as long as that does not happen today.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We human beings regard ourselves as (or compare ourselves to) animals only when it suits us.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Being HIV positive doesn’t necessarily mean that you are going to die before each and every person who is HIV negative.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are sometimes hurt mostly or only not by what happened or is happening to us but by being felt sorry for.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Whether it is big or small, the size of a poor man’s yard incessantly reminds him that he is poor.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Not everyone who has killed themselves because they were HIV positive would have been killed by AIDS.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he earns; and many a man would not be in a relationship with or married to his woman, if he earned twice as much as he earns.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
One of the leading causes of obesity is the misbelief that, when it comes to juice, ‘100%’ means ‘sugar-free.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good care of them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some men are so indoctrinated that they sincerely believe that other than cooking and cleaning the only thing that a woman can do better than them is being a woman.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The answer to the question ‘How many children do you have?’ and the one to the question ‘How many children are you raising?’ are not identical in all cases: some men are not taking care of their own children, some are knowingly or unknowingly raising other men’s children, and some do not even know that they each have a child, another child, or other children.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To evade insanity and depression, we unconsciously limit the number of people toward whom we are sincerely sympathetic.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as beautiful as she is).
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If we had to earn our age by thinking for ourselves at least once a year, only a handful of people would reach adulthood.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least like.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their partners had happened to them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
An arrogant man whose arrogance we see from his own behaviour is more tolerable than a humble man whose humility we hear of from his own mouth.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people wouldn’t still be sane, if they were not religious or superstitious; some wouldn’t be disabled or dead.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana