Quotes by Cartoonists - Page 7

It extols death with the luminescent brilliance of a dying star. It is Genghis Khan bathed in sherbet ice cream. The mantis shrimp is the harbinger of blood-soaked rainbows.
The Oatmeal
I can't prove it yet know it when I seem it.
Brian Spellman
My life is so bad that it's worse than it really is.
Brian Spellman
Your unconscious wants to express the pain you feel about your own lost innocence. But your ego wants to keep it repressed. To the compromise is anxiety.
Alison Bechdel
No matter what I accomplish, it doesn't seem like much compared to surviving Auschwitz.
Art Spiegelman
When I pass, speak freely of my shortcomings and my flaws. Learn from them, for I'll have no ego to injure.
Aaron McGruder
Every time you look up at the stars, it’s like opening a door. You could be anyone, anywhere. You could be yourself at any moment in your life. You open that door and you realize you’re the same person under the same stars. Camping out in the backyard with your best friend, eleven years old. Sixteen, driving alone, stopping at the edge of the city, looking up at the same stars. Walking a wooded path, kissing in the moonlight, look up and you’re eleven again. Chasing cats in a tiny town, you’re eleven again, you’re sixteen again. You’re in a rowboat. You’re staring out the back of a car. Out here where the world begins and ends, it’s like nothing ever stops happening.
Bryan Lee O'Malley
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.
Kin Hubbard
Maxim 12: A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
Maxim 27: Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
The spirit of the law is the least of the things we're prepared to violate.
Howard Tayler
Air traffic control is going to have a steamy old fit on your dime, boy.They can get in line behind the police, the people whose cars we trashed, the Empire of Ob'enn, the Partnership Collective, and the Wormgate Corporation. Oh, and I think maybe some dark matter beasties from Andromeda.You "think maybe"?-General Tagon & Captain Andreyasn
Howard Tayler
When I find the guy who torched that forest, I'm going to eat him. And I'm only going to half-cook him first.-Sergeant Schlock
Howard Tayler
Maxim 10: Sometimes the only way out is through... through the hull.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
What do you think? Overkill?""I don't believe there is any such thing.But in this case, 'yes, overkill.
Howard Tayler
We treat the things that soak up energy and resources like they're valuable, and the things that generate them like they're disposable. We don't celebrate batteries. And I think that's wrong.
Molly Ostertag
Malus: 'You look like a person with doubts.'Zoe: 'I wonder sometimes if any of this is real - or is it just a business, selling hope to people who can't afford it?'Malus: 'Clever people have been asking that question since the iron age, Zoe. The answer remains the same.'Zoe: 'And... ?'Malus: 'Business is good.'(A dialogue regarding the Church between a demon and a human.)
Terry Moore
I think this is irresponsible preaching and very dangerous, and especially when it is slanted toward children, I think it's totally irresponsible, because I see nothing biblical that points up to our being in the last days, and I just think it's an outrageous thing to do, and a lot of people are making a living—they've been making a living for 2,000 years—preaching that we're in the last days.
Charles M. Schulz
So where'd you park the car, Max?''I don't know. I couldn't see over the wheel.''That's okay. I think I can smell it.
Steve Purcell
Connections are difficult. There’s an irritation in being among people who’ve already found their connection, and finding that those left who haven’t are just as undesirable as the void they would be replacing. The numbing mind-ream of knowing you're alone not because people won't accept you but because you find so little worth accepting. An imposed solitude is better than simply tolerating your company in waiting for something better. So loneliness is not such a terrible thing when you consider that the alternative to thought provoking solace is to be surrounded only by reminders of why that solitude is preferable.
Jhonen Vásquez
You should always aim to be your own mouse, Lieam. In fact...you already are. You are not so quick to jump into danger as Saxon and not as pensive of mind as Kenzie. They rely on each other too much. Saxon knows he can afford to be reckless since Kenzie acts as his conscience. And Kenzie can linger in his thoughts and plans, because he knows Saxon can defend him. I tested Kenzie earlier. I wanted to see if he would be swayed by my advice. It took Saxon's coaxing to make up the greyfur's mind. Be compleete with in yourself young redfur...you will never disappoint. Even in solitude.
David Petersen
The secret of how to live without resentment or embarrassment in a world in which I was different from everyone else. was to be indifferent to that difference.
Al Capp
‎All my stupid little thoughts beget stupid little thoughts, rampantly speculating every possible outcome of every possible situation until they're all done to death and none of them could ever be true.
Bryan Lee O'Malley
America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!
Matt Groening
I'm all groan up in America.
Brian Spellman
A lot of bands make two different music videos for their latest songs. A censored version for American TV, and an uncensored version that includes nudity for European music stations. The so-called Land of The Free doesn't seem so free anymore, when you realize that other countries have a lot more freedom.
Oliver Markus Malloy
I gave up on ever trying to get 'my way.' I barely knew it existed.
Roz Chast
Mom, how come you never go outside?""I told you, I'm a vampire.
Alison Bechdel
When I was a kid I worried that when I woke up, I'd find my family having breakfast with my doppelgänger. We would fight to the death, and then my family would peacefully finish breakfast.
Fran Krause
The child, screaming for refuge, senses how feeble a shelter the twig hut of grown-up awareness is. They claim strength, these parents, and complete sanctuary. The weeping earth itself knows how desperate is the child's need for exactly that sanctuary. How deep and sticky is the darkness of childhood, how rigid the blades of infant evil, which is unadulterated, unrestrained by the convenient cushions of age and its civilizing anesthesia. Grownups can deal with scraped knees, dropped ice-cream cones, and lost dollies, but if they suspected the real reasons we cry they would fling us out of their arms in horrified revulsion. Yet we are small and as terrified as we are terrifying in our ferocious appetites.
Katherine Dunn
Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them.
Dr. Seuss
When we do not succeed to be ourselves, we finally realize that is was completely useless to exist...
Hugo Pratt
Nihilists embrace life's existence by the acceptance of nothingness
Martijn Budel
Just existing is where a lot of living happens.
Fred Gallagher
Check the top 1000 books on Amazon. Most of them have a shirtless guy on the cover, because they're smutty "romance novels" (read: porn for women) about a girl being swept off her feet by one (or more) billionaire alpha-males. There are literally tens of thousands of books out there about shirtless billionaire alpha-male vampires who can't wait to mate with you. Lucky you! And women eat that shit up! Men, not so much. Men prefer to watch actual porn.
Oliver Markus
I’ve realized is that every time you get something cool for your birthday or for Christmas, within a week it’s being used against you. (We'll be taking this away until your English grade improves)
Jeff Kinney
We lie on the blanket, our bare bodies basking in the sun like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Only our apples were bitten a long time ago, and we ate them too.
Henry Martin
Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.
Oliver Gaspirtz
If we suggest that it is okay to make fun of everything except certain aspects of Islam because Muslims are much more sensitive than the rest of the population, isn’t that discrimination? Shouldn’t we treat the second-largest religion in France, exactly as we treat the first? It’s time to put an end to the revolting paternalism of the white, middle-class, “leftist” intellectual trying to coexist with these “poor, subliterate wretches.” “'I’m' educated; obviously I get that 'Charlie Hebdo' is a humor newspaper because, first, I’m very intelligent, and second, it’s my culture. But you—well, you haven’t quite mastered nuanced thinking yet, so I’ll express my solidarity by fulminating against Islamaphobic cartoons and pretending not to understand them. I will lower myself to your level to show you that I like you. And if I need to convert to Islam to get even closer to you, I’ll do it!” These pathetic demagogues just have a ravenous need for recognition and a formidable domination fantasy to fulfil.
Charb
But I've bought a big bat.I'm all ready, you see.Now my troubles are goingTo have troubles with me!
Dr. Seuss
Squandering time is a luxury of profligate youth, when the years are to us as dollars are to billionaires. Doing the same thing in middle age just makes you nervous, not with vague puritan guilt but the more urgent worry that you're running out of time, a deadline you can feel in your cells.
Tim Kreider
Oh, they don't allow the Bible in Heaven, Miss Mary...It contains far too much sex and violence.
Bryan Talbot
A cow's heaven is a flower's idea of hell.
Oliver Gaspirtz
The happiest people are not the ones with the best or the most things, but those who most appreciate what they have.
Oliver Gaspirtz
Don't be happy at me.
Jeffrey Brown
And the tree was happy
Shel Silverstein
Above me soft footsteps, the sound through the ceiling of a teenager haunted by a door to the night. My cousin Maybonne lights up a Salem, blows ghosts to the darkness, be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.
Lynda Barry
Why any one place should forever hold enchantment for the reason you are born there is a mystery.
Robert Ripley
On gray days, when it's snowing or raining, I think you should be able to call up a judge and take an oath that you'll just read a good book all day, and he'd allow you to stay home.
Bill Watterson
It was not a triumphal return. Home, as I had known it, was gone.
Alison Bechdel
How Horrid" has a slightly facetious tone that strikes me as Wildean. It appears to embrace the actual horror--puberty, public disgrace--then at the last second nimbly sidesteps it, laughing.
Alison Bechdel
I had a dream about you last night... and in it you said "Chin up; it only gets harder.
Marshall Ramsay
Imagine a wall that's green on one side and red on the other. You stand on one side and only see green. I stand on the other side and only see red. We'll both be right about the color we see, even though we disagree on what color the wall is. Being able to realize that the other person has a valid point, even if you disagree with it, that's maturity.
Oliver Gaspirtz
I love objectivity when mine.
Brian Spellman
It's not how I take tragic news but how I make tragic views that unscrews me.
Brian Spellman
Everything that ever happened is just stories now, Earl. But it was all very real to people while it was happening. Wasn't it?
Terry Moore
I had a dream about you last night... it was about a dreamer and a drifter walking into a bar. They start talking and swapping stories. No matter what the drifter says the dreamer always one-upped him. The drifter then woke up and realized he was the dreamer.
Marshall Ramsay
But Andrew was right about one thing. Human beings need to tell stories. Historically, it's the quickest way we have for transmitting useful information to other members of our species. Stories are not simply nice things to have; they are essential survival tools. And yes, the stories we tell ourselves are just as important as the stories we tell other people.
Hugh MacLeod
Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood! Tell me a story like that, OK?
Bill Watterson
Charlie Brown: A penny! Rats! Why couldn't I have found a nickel? What good is a penny these days? Why do things like that always happen to me?! *walks off frustrated*Lucy: Gee, he found a penny! Why don't things like that ever happen to me?
Charles M. Schulz