Quotes by Cartoonists - Page 5

We have to harden our hearts and think of the greater good.""The plan is, our exposure to her is supposed to purify us. But it seems more like her exposure to us is diminishing her.
Bill Willingham
It is coincidence, I decide, and I am getting old and batty, thinking the universe revolves around me.
Katherine Dunn
Physicality is the basis of performance.
David Petersen
What sort of attractions do you think lured our coreligionists out of the ghetto and into the mainstream of European culture? Was it the wit of Molière, or the ingenious stage mechanisms of Pixérécourt? Or was it simply the opportunity to cast an eye, without shame, upon the living, unclad human form?
Ben Katchor
Addicts don't like when you tell them they are all the same. Of course not. Who would? But to me, addicts are like actresses, who all audition for the same role in a horror movie. It doesn't matter how they got to the audition. It doesn't matter how or where they grew up, once they get to the audition, all the actresses act in the same way and read the same lines. They all become the same character.
Oliver Markus
When you push someone's head under water for 5 minutes, they will drown. It doesn't matter if the person is a sinner or a saint. It's just a natural process. If their head is under water, the lack of oxygen will make them drown. That rule applies to everyone, good or bad, equally. It doesn't matter if the drowning person has strong moral fiber.And it doesn't matter if you're a good or a bad person, once you become addicted to drugs. What happens next is inevitable. It's a natural process that happens in everyone's brain, once the drugs take over. So don't ever fool yourself into thinking that only weak or bad people get addicted.
Oliver Markus
Being mad at a drug addict for doing what drug addicts do, is like being mad at a shark for doing what sharks do, or being mad at a cockroach for doing what cockroaches do.
Oliver Markus
I recovered from recovering so no longer celebrate not doing bad things to defend myself as good. I added new bad for good measure.
Brian Spellman
If I was president of the Slime Committee, I'd make it easier to come clean about shit. If coming clean is what you're supposed to do, then it should be made more fucken accessible, I say.
D.B.C. Pierre
Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse.
Bill Watterson
I admire the person who can write it right off. Mencken once said that a person who thinks clearly can write well. But I don't think clearly--too many thoughts bump into one another. Trains of thought run on a track of the Central Nervous System--the New York Central Nervous System, to make it worse.
James Thurber
Eventually our whole world, every culture, will explode and we'll all just be fucking cosmic dust. We'll all dissipate. We'll all be nothing and everything. What's more spiritual than that?
Dash Shaw
Losers have goals. Winners have systems.
Scott Adams
It's 8a.m. and time to restIt's 10a.m. and time to relaxIt's noon and time for reposeIt's 3p.m. and time for shut-eyeIt's 6p.m. and time for siestaIt's 9p.m. and time to slumberIt's midnight and time to snoozeIt's 4a.m. and time to hang upside down from your bedroom ceiling, screaming.
Francesco Marciuliano
On the edge of a laughing teacupDid Kubla Kat decreeThe the corn fritter festooned with medalsShall make the brownies freeAnd so the walls turned to waterTo let our sorrows drownAs the chairs burned themselves for warmthSo they need not face the clownThen the spoons burst into songAnd all the forks they understoodAs I stared at my talking clawsBecasue this catnip is just that good
Francesco Marciuliano
A fish tank is just interactive television for cats.
Oliver Gaspirtz
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME INLET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME INLET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME INLET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME INLET ME IN LET ME I-Oh, uh, helloI did not expect an answerI did not expect an entranceI did not expect this room to be so unbelievably dullSo, uh, goodbye
Francesco Marciuliano
I always imagined that cats were the Paris Hiltons of the pet world: They didn't quite deserve all the attention but they got it anyway.
Sarah Andersen
In my head, the sky is blue, the grass is green and cats are orange.
Jim Davis
I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance - a sharp, vindictive glance.
James Thurber
See with your own eyes, hear with your own ears, think your own thoughts, say what you must say, do what you must do, love all that you can and stand on your own two feet.
Paul Palnik
Nowadays, ads don't just sell a product. They sell an attitude! Look at this one! Here's a cool guy saying nobody tells him what to do. He does whatever he wants and he buys this product as a reflection of that independence. So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection?
Bill Watterson
I get glimpses of the horror of normalcy. Each of these innocents on the street is engulfed by a terror of their own ordinariness. They would do anything to be unique.
Katherine Dunn
If sensing so badly of yourself you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense … sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.
Brian Spellman
If you sense so badly that you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense ... sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.
Brian Spellman
If I keep grinning maybe my inoperable colon cancer won't hurt so much.
Tony Millionaire
The way you blunder from one catastrophe to the next, it's a wonder the whole galaxy doesn't hate you.The galaxy is a big place, General. You provincial military types don't get far enough out to really see that.-General Tagon & Captain Kevyn Andreyasn
Howard Tayler
A true believer is a danger to humanity.
Al Jaffee
I think it's important for me to keep my childhood friends so that later on someone can appreciate how far I've come.
Jeff Kinney
It all began with a shoe on the wall. A shoe on the wall shouldn't be there at all.
Dr. Seuss
The fine line between genius and madness is a punch line. Duck, you idiot!
Brian Spellman
...I would be the last person to say that madness is not a solution.
James Thurber
Calvin: Dear Santa, before I submit life to your scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the matter of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, HUH??? What gives you the right?! Hobbes: Santa makes the toys, so he gets to decide who to give them to.Calvin: Oh.
Bill Watterson
The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.It could be, perhaps his shoes were too tight.But I think that the most likely reason of allMay have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
Dr. Seuss
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out any quicker than the Christmas spirit
Kin Hubbard
He took the Who’s feast, he took the Who pudding, he took the roast beast. He cleaned out that ice box as quick as a flash. Why, the Grinch even took their last can of Who hash.
Dr. Seuss
Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.
Charles M. Schulz
Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?
Bill Watterson
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!
Dr. Seuss
[S]ometimes, a fight you cannot win is still worth fighting.
Gene Luen Yang
It matters not what you fight but what you fight for.
David Petersen
Nothing quite brings out the zest for life in a person like the thought of their impending death
Jhonen Vásquez
There is absolutely no single aspect of one’s personality that is more important to develop than empathy, which is not a skill at which men typically are asked to excel. I believe empathy is not only the core of art, literature and music, but should also be at the core of society, from ethics to economics.
Chris Ware
Don't stay in this now. You'll fall behind.
Brian Spellman
Perhaps only that revenge is ultimately unsatisfying," Snow said. "It can make up for evil done to you, but can destroy the remaining good in your life.
Bill Willingham
If you're gonna shoot an elephant Mr. Schneider, you better be prepared to finish the job.
Gary Larson
First, let me finish. Then interrupt.
Brian Spellman
Cats, of course, are easier to make fun of. The cutest cat is still a freak. Where
dogs are sympathetic, almost tragic, figures, cats are pure comedy. Dogs are your
buddies, cats are entertainment They're like a TV show. There's nothing funnier than when a cat falls off of something. When a dog falls down a couple of stairs, you rush to it and console it. But when a cat does it, it's funny—you point at it and laugh (which they don't like, incidentally).
Darby Conley
Oh, but you must travel through those woods again and again... said a shadow at the window... and you must be lucky to avoid the wolf every time...But the wolf... the wolf only needs enough luck to find you once.
Emily Carroll
If it weren't for the unconventionality of my desires, my mind might never have been forced to reckon with my body.
Alison Bechdel
But giving up's easy. You know what's hard? To believe in your own worth, to know you've got something special in you even if nobody else can see it. Even when you can't.
Ryan North
On his misfit globe he has outlasted the mammoth and the pterodactyl, but he has never got the upper hand of bacteria and the insects.
James Thurber
The average sendentary man of our time who is at all suggestible must emerge from this chapter believing that his chances of surviving a combination of instinct, complexes, reflexes, glands, sex, and present-day traffic conditions are about equal to those of a one-legged man trying to get out of a labyrinth.
James Thurber
God knows I tried my best to learn the ways of this world, even had inklings we could be glorious; but after all that's happened, the inkles ain't easy anymore. I mean - what kind of fucken life is this?
D.B.C. Pierre
What I'am learning is the world laughs through its ass every day, then just lies double-time when shit goes down. It's like we're on a Pritikin diet of fucken lies. I mean - what kind of fucken life is this?
D.B.C. Pierre
Peace ain't worth fighting for.
Brian Spellman
It’s hard to find anything to say about life without immersing yourself in the world, but it’s also just about impossible to figure out what it might be, or how best to say it, without getting the hell out of it again.
Tim Kreider
Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice; it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets. The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration — it is, paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done.
Tim Kreider
I’m torn between the desire to create and the desire to destroy.
Charles M. Schulz
Ambition is enthusiasm with a purpose.
Frank Tyger