Will Advise Quotes

Eating pizza is like having a little heaven in your nose. Wait, that's not what you eat pizza with. I always get it confused with pizza-pie.
Will Advise
All my friends are bums. We all gather round our camp-fire (in a can) and sing songs of togetherness as we cuddle, to preserve our warmth...
Will Advise
If I did sales - my technique would be to hand-seal each deal with gourmet omelets, by Jarod Kintz's secret invisible recipe that I stole.
Will Advise
I'll catch any rose in my vase-shaped heart, then process it through my vascular system, until there's nothing left.
Will Advise
I flow like a butter in the nailed pan I stole. I also kept the nail, to polish and use as a means of teleportation.
Will Advise
If you have half a nothing - sell it for a double something, resell half at double-price, and buy another something and a half - how much nothing will you have two days from then? Like three. Because three is the short version of π, and π is involved in virtually anything, in some form, if you believe what the internet tells you.
Will Advise
I sometimes go to a mythical place called "workplace", where the doable is always unpassable as possible, especially when it pisses you off.
Will Advise
Whenever a river reaches the ocean, it waits to go back..
Will Advise
A river starts by longing for the ocean...
Will Advise
Why just order a pizza, when you can get a restraining order for the delivery guys, make them come to you, sue them, and get all the profit?
Will Advise
Nostalgia is missing what might come back.
Will Advise
Why work today? I'll take Tuesday on, just like I took Monday off. That's just the kind of dedicated worker I am.
Will Advise
Quinns always come at half price, about half the time, and half-naked, even during the colder half of winter. A Quinn is like a queen, but draggier, and cheaper to buy and use for personal gain, unless you’re suspicious that you’re poor and illiterate like Jarod Kintz, in which case Quinns could be the spirits of your dead relatives, come to haunt you until you gather a massive fortune through selling books on the internet, to send some back in time through a portal you bought from the NSA, so they would have lived better lives without having to move a finger for their fortune. Oh, yah, and since they aren’t - they’re blue, like smurfs, yet they turn purple whenever tickled on the belly, which is something they seem to rather dislike, since they start biting and scratching when it happens, for no good reason, I might add.
Will Advise
Once a cat loves you, it loves you till the end.
Will Advise
The love of one cat simply can't be compared with the love of another..
Will Advise
The realest of cats love with all of their being...
Will Advise
When I battle wits with Jarod Kintz I always feel like I need to take my brain out to give him a transplant. Bad part is we don't have any.
Will Advise
I wonder how Japan's futuristic robot doctors will treat the worst and most widespread disease humanity already has - artificially lowered IQ. Making people stupider makes them buy more stuff – so “How many robots can you afford?” will be the big question of one of the following decades, unless we go back to Communism and produce everything for the sake of it, for free.
Will Advise
#Cats are marvelous creatures - they either adapt to circumstances, or decide to make circumstances adapt to them. Either way - they win.
Will Advise
The best Christmas present you can give to your dead grandfather is not showing up until Easter. And telling no one about it. Especially not yourself.
Will Advise
Social networks are so full of wasted time - they could be compared to a waste disposal system. Flush, before you go and waste no time to go.
Will Advise
I'm like my cat. I run around in circles in my apartment, because the big bad outside is just too big. And scary. And outside. How do stray cats deal with all the stress of having no protection from all the air that’s going on around there, without anyone to guide and control it into timidity?
Will Advise
A river unneeded still finds its way down to the ocean...
Will Advise
I am the most pious person in the room. Even though I have no pie - I have pizza, and what can be more virtuous than eating all by yourself?
Will Advise
Having no applicable skills, in any possible area whatsoever, effectively makes me the master of redundancy. But that info is obsolete, like my insults dictionary, which I stole.
Will Advise
And I will wait for Jarod to work for me. For free, cause if it's paid, it's work and not love, unless, of course he loves to work, in which case he’ll surely love working for me, because I love people who love to do that to love to do that.
Will Advise
To find true love simply one must just adore.
Will Advise
The best about cats is they love cannot feign...
Will Advise
Nothing iseternal.Everything elseis not.
Will Advise
If I were offering hip replacement services I'd use Jarod Kintz as my spokesman. No one can possibly be better than him, to replace the missing spoke in your wheels.
Will Advise
Love can be found mainly amongst stars
Will Advise
A smile is not to take, it's given.
Will Advise
Prosperity is always built on slave labor. Ask any Ameri-can't. Or Bulgari-can. Yes, we can, eat from a trash can...
Will Advise
There's nothing as useful as the truth, in terms of ruining anyone's day, week, month, year, decade, or life… Unless, of course, you own a remotely operated automatic flamethrower-drone-tower and have some marinated pork-chops on your person, to lure unsuspecting dogs in close proximity to it, but since dogs don’t really have lives - by using this specific method of torture, you can only improve the remaining few seconds of their existence.
Will Advise
I want to be the most unsold, and the most unsought-after author, after I stop selling my fake name anagrams on the internet.
Will Advise
To truly accept a thing one must have no inner tension about it.
Will Advise
Nostalgia is a longing for your home.
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The fastest way to go home is to be home...
Will Advise
If Jarod Kintz was a cat, he'd stalk people silently and deadly. Right now, all he does is bark at them for no good reason, like all the good people do.
Will Advise
Fluttershyes are like regular shyes, only shinier, and, apparently - also shyer. Whenever petted - they don't flutter, but run away instead.
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Being skilled in Catsism is like being a ninja only deadlier and not so silent. The only bad thing is the sickening grammar you have to use.
Will Advise
Backpackers can pack much more meows than baggers. Beggars never feed stray cats as street cats are self-sustaining.
Will Advise
People skills are useless with cats, because cats are immune to training, and do whatever they decide in any situation... And most importantly they aren’t human.
Will Advise
The morning sky is a thought of the stars.
Will Advise
I don't sleep. I just let my body lie itself into numbness and lie to myself that I can't hear, see, or feel anything.
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Starlight is best felt at noon...
Will Advise
Everything is like a wall. Said a scholar to the troll. Bang your head to go on through. Then you'll see, there is no queue.
Will Advise
Dark alleys, like social networks, are romantic, because you never know what might happen while I perform there every Caturday night. Cats do know, but won't tell. So don’t even ask.
Will Advise
Wasting time on timing stuff is a good way to save time from being wasted on other pointless activities like writing, reading, and sleeping.
Will Advise
When one is in love one thinks only of one.
Will Advise
In days long past, Jarod said he’d write a sentence about my love, translated in Russian, and that sentence, like my love, is clearly not for sale, unlike his virginity, or this book, which I’m both offering at ten times the market value, so hurry up and buy now, before it goes down.
Will Advise
Someone. Everyone. Anyone. No-one. One. One can't be everyone, but there isn't more than one everyone, at the same time. And at the same time no-one can't be someone, but anyone can be one, and also anyone can be a no-one. To sum up - everyone is someone, and any-one becomes a no-one if you divide the one part long enough by every part of every-one, so in conclusion, I have no idea what I’m talking about, basically.
Will Advise
Translating from #cat is easy - you just ignore everything, then you decide what you want it to have said, thought, or wanted.
Will Advise
To find doesn't always require to search.
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The meaning of life is to make life be more.
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One must be a lotus to emerge from mucky waters clean.
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When one is just sad one should just be alone.
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Nothing brings home closer than going home...
Will Advise
To feel is to go to the places you were.
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An imaginary friend once asked me why Americans can't stand Russia. The answer was cold, deadly, silent, and, well expected. It’s because in Soviet Russia nothing happens anymore, because it doesn’t exist anymore. And Americans are all about happenings. If there isn’t one – they don’t go where it isn’t, because there isn’t anything to happen to them there.
Will Advise