Fred Allen Quotes

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.
Fred Allen
The first Sunday I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
She used to be a schoolteacher but she has no class now.
Fred Allen
My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get except the blinding headaches.
Fred Allen
(A gentleman) is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
Fred Allen
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
Fred Allen
The first Sunday I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
She used to be a schoolteacher but she has no class now.
Fred Allen
My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get except the blinding headaches.
Fred Allen
(A gentleman) is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
Fred Allen
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
Fred Allen
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.
Fred Allen
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children - except in self-defense.
Fred Allen
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
I have just returned from Boston it is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.
Fred Allen
Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.
Fred Allen
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Fred Allen
a group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done
Fred Allen
All I know about humour is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen
California is a fine place to live, if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
California is a fine place to live, if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen