Brian Spellman Quotes

Ignorance is bliss. Wisdom is blisters.
Brian Spellman
Feed a squirrel and he'll leave you alone every day.
Brian Spellman
Our archaeological ancestry lost hair while growing sweat glands to reduce panting in the hot African sun. One outcome evolved the origin of our speech. Another conquered our ability to shut the hell up and listen. Now? Politicians grunting "On the Origin of Speeches" past one another.
Brian Spellman
With good morality first candidates you'll get bad candor, bad ethics, bad loyalty and bad morality - lastly bad odor will surface to save the day if you maintain good optimism like I do.
Brian Spellman
A good night's sleep counts healthy sheep.
Brian Spellman
I can't name just one example. Then there's only one.
Brian Spellman
We contradict all for which we stand for we all stand for the lie the whole lie and nothing but the lie so help save our lying asses.
Brian Spellman
Mom lied. The crust is the shittiest part.
Brian Spellman
Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear so don't look and they'll stay farther away than you expect they would.
Brian Spellman
My secret to maintaining a youthful appearance? Immaturity.
Brian Spellman
I finally decided what I want to be when I grow up - late.
Brian Spellman
I was accused of always acting superior. Always means being, not acting.
Brian Spellman
He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword ... unless he's a general.
Brian Spellman
Spare the rod and spoil the Memorial Day rotisserie.
Brian Spellman
I say there is no darkness but ignorance," said William Shakespeare. How would he know, he knew everything?
Brian Spellman
He who laughs last laughs ... doesn't get it.
Brian Spellman
All surgery and no makeup make Jack a dull girl.
Brian Spellman
Nostalgia was never what it used to be.
Brian Spellman
I'm nostalgic for a better tomorrow.
Brian Spellman
I can't answer you in a nutshell. We wouldn't fit unless we saw the same shrink.
Brian Spellman
To Americans, either/or means both.
Brian Spellman
It's no longer time to take sides for or against race, rather sides against those who still do.
Brian Spellman
I recovered from recovering so no longer celebrate not doing bad things to defend myself as good. I added new bad for good measure.
Brian Spellman
If sensing so badly of yourself you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense … sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.
Brian Spellman
If you sense so badly that you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense ... sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.
Brian Spellman
The fine line between genius and madness is a punch line. Duck, you idiot!
Brian Spellman
Don't stay in this now. You'll fall behind.
Brian Spellman
First, let me finish. Then interrupt.
Brian Spellman
Peace ain't worth fighting for.
Brian Spellman
Okay, you won our shitty little argument. Pass the world.
Brian Spellman
The first casualty of war is casual wear.
Brian Spellman
A broken shoelace can strangle me.
Brian Spellman
Dreams don't come true, they are true.
Brian Spellman
If life was fair ... one third of the people would comprise of judges and lawyers ... one third of police and prison officials ... and one third of legislators ... and one third more to make the other three thirds make any sense at all .... Thank goodness for no fair.
Brian Spellman
I can't prove it yet know it when I seem it.
Brian Spellman
My life is so bad that it's worse than it really is.
Brian Spellman
I'm all groan up in America.
Brian Spellman
I love objectivity when mine.
Brian Spellman
It's not how I take tragic news but how I make tragic views that unscrews me.
Brian Spellman
I overreacted to praise, signing an autograph. I'd write a check to buy it back.
Brian Spellman
An apple a day feeds the tapeworm to stay.
Brian Spellman
Our atheist thoughts go out to his family following their loss.
Brian Spellman
When to others it's not lying. It's privacy.
Brian Spellman
Dad got furious when we lied to him. No, Dad got furious then we lied to him.
Brian Spellman
The brain is unreliable. It relies on lies.
Brian Spellman
Honesty is the best insurance policy.
Brian Spellman
I forgot what I was going to think.
Brian Spellman
I've been coerced into free will.
Brian Spellman
I learned to smile, avoiding happiness advice.
Brian Spellman
There's an ad for every vice. That's advice.
Brian Spellman
A bind is when you're quadriplegic, suicidal about that and unable to persuade your best friend to murder you.
Brian Spellman
Billions of years before twelve step groups, God committed shotgun suicide. Today wall scrapings share His gratitude stories.
Brian Spellman
You can't stop a man from stopping himself.
Brian Spellman
Babies are never suicidal. Hard lives, not hard boiled eggs do that.
Brian Spellman
Months after my wrists ripping, a talk therapist referred to the act as self-hatred. Until then nobody had said this to me. Did everyone presume that I already knew so? People say it all the time. It’s safer to draw this conclusion. Throw in cowardice and you have an insulated public. I was not enraged at all. I was panic stricken. How could I hate myself for wanting to stop such physical sickness and terror? Mine was an act of caretaking, compassion, love. You cannot share this insight with therapists because they think such encourages recurrence. Have you ever stopped diarrhea with a prayer? If you have to go, you go. If you have to die, you die.
Brian Spellman
If you want to commit suicide why tell anyone? They'd ruin everything.
Brian Spellman
There is a meaning of life but I've been sworn to secrecy.
Brian Spellman
Ultimate meaning is meaningless. Meaning meaning means everything else.
Brian Spellman
Kindness knows no kind.
Brian Spellman
Life is short unless agony is long.
Brian Spellman