Bauvard Quotes

First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.
Bauvard
Embarrassing facts, those would really help our children remember their classroom lessons better.
Bauvard
To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.
Bauvard
Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face.
Bauvard
I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.
Bauvard
I study men like I study books: I skim their midsections.
Bauvard
There is an enduring freshness in what remains strange and obscure which the cliches of greatness can only evoke nostalgia for.
Bauvard
Self-awareness of one’s faults, far from being the first step to growth, is very often the second foot in the mud.
Bauvard
Humor is not an end in itself, but a tool to understanding. A dense head must be tickled with an ax.
Bauvard
Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion.
Bauvard
Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.
Bauvard
We live in one of the few epochs of humanity where life isn't just a painful cycle of toil, fatigue, and collapse. Now pleasure gyrates us through those stages.
Bauvard
Experience: the vehicle of history. Teenagers: the driving force behind fatal accidents.
Bauvard
Experience: the vehicle of history. Teenagers: the driving force behind fatal accidents.
Bauvard
I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I’m heaven’s landscape painter.
Bauvard
Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles.
Bauvard
If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.
Bauvard
I love the smell of a new book, but I prefer inhaling fresh bottles of ink and glue. They get me more lightheaded – unless I read the book.
Bauvard
Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.
Bauvard
I shed a tear when I meet somebody who always quits. Reliable people are so rare in this world.
Bauvard
I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.
Bauvard
Some people won't have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight.
Bauvard
Treat each other like human beings? But the other great apes have no class hierarchy.
Bauvard
A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her.
Bauvard
Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives.
Bauvard
When someone gives me either a democratic or republican pamphlet, I throw it in their face. I’m a librarian, damn it! We only take book donations.
Bauvard
Injuries heal, but wrinkles are the scars of time.
Bauvard
We need to revitalize the American spirit. People are always asking ‘What would the founding fathers do,’ but I have yet to witness a single séance.
Bauvard
Trees are corrupting our parks. They should be arrested for loitering. For deciduous trees, add littering and indecent exposure to that list of offenses.
Bauvard
Divorce runs high these days, but I’m an exception to the norm. I got divorced when marriage was still popular.
Bauvard
Where does love reveal itself? In beds, sofas, bathtubs – each section of a department store has its advantages.
Bauvard
We need to save the forests. I have a big warehouse we can store them in.
Bauvard
The stars have a strong effect on our daily shopping lives. Hollywood is astrology’s only credible conspiracy.
Bauvard
Without humor, we’d all be what we’re laughing at. Without arrogance, we’d be humiliated to admit we already are.
Bauvard
I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy.
Bauvard
Welcome to Telepathics Anonymous. Don’t bother introducing yourself.
Bauvard
If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.
Bauvard
Envy is for people who don’t have the self-esteem to be jealous.
Bauvard
Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks.
Bauvard
I don’t read biographies for moral instruction, or for a history lesson. I want to know what people are saying about me.
Bauvard
I threw an etiquette party and served nothing but beans and sparkling water. The topic of conversation was ‘excuse me’.
Bauvard
When nobody practices what they strongly believe in, that day will be a triumph of prudence.
Bauvard
Artists are the serfs of a leisure society.
Bauvard
Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers.
Bauvard
The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked bodies on prime-time networks, but not nearly enough cable television on public programming.
Bauvard
If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.
Bauvard
I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I’m heaven’s landscape painter.
Bauvard
Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles.
Bauvard
If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.
Bauvard
I love the smell of a new book, but I prefer inhaling fresh bottles of ink and glue. They get me more lightheaded – unless I read the book.
Bauvard
Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.
Bauvard
I shed a tear when I meet somebody who always quits. Reliable people are so rare in this world.
Bauvard
I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.
Bauvard
Some people won't have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight.
Bauvard
Treat each other like human beings? But the other great apes have no class hierarchy.
Bauvard
A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her.
Bauvard
Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives.
Bauvard
When someone gives me either a democratic or republican pamphlet, I throw it in their face. I’m a librarian, damn it! We only take book donations.
Bauvard
Injuries heal, but wrinkles are the scars of time.
Bauvard
We need to revitalize the American spirit. People are always asking ‘What would the founding fathers do,’ but I have yet to witness a single séance.
Bauvard