Augusten Burroughs Quotes

And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic.

Augusten Burroughs

Real optimism is not the pep talk you give yourself. It is earned through the labor involved in emotional housekeeping.

Augusten Burroughs

As a young child I had Santa and Jesus all mixed up. I could identify Coke or Pepsi with just one sip, but I could not tell you for sure why they strapped Santa to a cross. Had he missed a house? Had a good little girl somewhere in the world not received the doll he’d promised her, making the father angry?” (p.3)

Augusten Burroughs