Witty Quotes - Page 2

Fancy 'avin' to say you work for the Murder Squad, eh, Miss? Don't exactly warm folk to you, does it?

Some day, Prince Kheldar, you will fall in love," the queen said with a little smirk, "and the twelve kingdoms will stand around and chortle over the fall of so notorious a bachelor.

David Eddings

Please don't arrest me.""Listen to me, I'm not going to arrest you, ok? I'm not a cop.""Are you sure?""Am I sure I'm not a cop? yes, I'm sure.""You could be undercover.

Derek Landy

If you can't be yours while being mine, maybe you aren't as yours as you'd like to convince yourself that you are.

Aleksandra Ninkovic

You promise?""I cross the place where my heart used to be and wish to be even more deader than I am now.

Derek Landy

I can't tell you how may beautiful women have broken up with me because they were bored. I can't tell you because it never happened. They all adored me." "It was your humility, wasn't it?

Derek Landy

The Black Pit of Despair is temporarily closed for renovations. We apologize for any inconvenience.

David C. Holley

This isn't the first time I've used this, and the test subject showed no signs of impaired cognitive ability.""Who was the test subject?" asked Aurora."I test everything out on myself before taking it into the field."She stared at him. "You zapped your own brain?""And it didn't do me any harm apart from the dizziness and the vomiting spells and the weirdly persistent ringing in my ears. Also the blackouts and the mood swings and the creeping paranoia. Apart from that, zero side effects, if you don't count the numb fingertips. Which I don't.

Derek Landy

What are we going to do when we get into the temple, anyway? Are we going to fight our way through the Necromancers on our

Derek Landy

In all small things be honest and the big ones will take care of themselves.

Rolf Margenau

Auntie Wu took special pride in two of her accomplishments--the sons she bore and the flowers she grew. They were equally useless, but the flowers smelled better.

Kay Honeyman

One thing I can say for sure is that she was very clever. Not in the way others expect you to be – intelligent, witty and concise, but in the way people should be: creative and consistent.

J.A. George

Your--ah--intervention, shall we say, has simplified things in the palace enormously. We no longer have to worry about Salmissra's whims and peculiar appetites. We rule by committee, and we hardly ever find it necessary to poison each other anymore. No one's tried to poison me for months.

David Eddings

It's not so bad."Melancholia looked at her. "You're lying.""I'll get used to it. So will you.""I... I don't think I'll be able to.""I'll be there to help when you need it.""But I hate you."Valkyrie smiled. "No you don't.""No, I do. I want to kill you and stuff.""We actually became friends in those caves.""That's not what happened, " said Melancholia."We're pals. We're buddies.” "If my wrists weren't in shackles, my hands would be round your throat.""You want to hug my throat because we're friends.

Derek Landy

Yesterday he had limped, but today there was no part of his feet that didn't hurt, so limping did no good.

Patrick Rothfuss

I am Detective Inspector Me. This is my partner, Detective Her."The traffic warden frowned. "Her?""Me," said Stephanie."Him?""Not me," said Skulduggery. "Her.""Me," said Stephanie."You?" said the traffic warden."Yes," said Stephanie. "I'm sorry, who are you?"Stephanie looked at him. "I'm Her, he's Me. Got it?

Derek Landy

Valkyrie stood there and waited for her to start making sense."There is a vegetable-plant hybrid we've been working on, modifying the genes and receptors, mutating the proteins and acids so that they are, in effect, neurotransmitters. Our work on the synapses alone has been quite illuminating."Valkyrie stood there and waited for her to start making sense.

Derek Landy

The queen sighed. "What am I going to do with all of you now!" "You're going to let us continue our journey," Belgarath replied calmly. "We'll argue about it, of course, but in the end that's the way it'll turn out."She stared at him. "You did ask, after all. I'm sure you feel better now that you know.

David Eddings

You're impossible," she told him. "Of course I am," he answered. "It's part of my charm.

David Eddings

I could see why she felt attracted to Sam K. Barrows. Birds of a feather, or rather lizards of a scale.

Philip K Dick

Ah, well...hell is full of burning boats, did you know that, Nadir? I daresay that's what makes it so bloody hot.

Susan Kay

Have any sheep been seen walking out of the Library with seagoing adventurers clinging to their wool?

Lindsey Davis

I'd say," the Ranger answered after a few seconds' deliberation, "that he'll be heading south now that he has the chance. Back into Araluen.""How do you know that?" Horace asked. He was always impressed at the two Rangers' ability to read a situation and come up with the correct answer to a problem. Sometimes, he thought, they almost seemed to have divine guidance."I'm guessing," Halt told him.

John Flanagan

And why would I be hiding from Master Chubb in his own kitchen?" Halt challenged. Again, Horace shrugged innocently. "Well, there was a tray of freshly made pies airing on the windowsill, wasn't there? And you're quite fond of pies, aren't you, Halt?" Halt drew himself up very straight in the saddle. "Are you accusing me of sneaking into that kitchen to steal the pies for myself? Is that it?" His voice and body language simply reeked of injured dignity."Of course not, Halt!" Horace hurried to assure him, and Halt's stiff-shouldered form relaxed a little."I just thought I'd give you the opportunity to confess," Horace added.

John Flanagan

Halt regarded him. He loved Horace like a younger brother. Even like a second son, after will. He admired his skill with a sword and his courage in battle. But sometimes, just sometimes, he felt an overwhelming desire to ram the young warrior's head against a convenient tree.

John Flanagan

He didn't even know how to talk about it. He had practiced not talking about the things he knew until no man could be called his equal.

Catherynne M. Valente

The privacy laws are paramount. They come before even common sense...

Michael Swanwick

Their business here was over then, and they all knew it; the magic moment had arrived when it was understood that nothing more would be established, discovered, or decided today. But the meeting, having once begun, must drag on for several long more hours before it could be ended. The engines of protocol had enormous inertial mass; once set in motion they took forever to grind to a stop.

Michael Swanwick

She charmed and sparkled and said witty things, but she knew very well she was being charming and sparkling and witty while she was doing it, which somehow felt wrong.

Julie Anne Long

Kiss me, and you'll live forever. You'll be a frog, but you'll live forever.

Norman Spinrad

I'll be sure not to let anyone but you carry me in her arms." He turns and leaves the kitchen before I can figure out what to make of his comment. A sense of humor is one more thing I don't think angels should have. The fact that his sense of humor is corny makes it even more wrong.

Susan Ee

Childhood friends are continuity, uninterrupted connections between selves, and you hold on them. You hold on them and you love them, but sometimes they're not quite comfortable.

Lynn Messina

And then the second thing you have to do is go and see your son. That is a duty of love, Andrew. It's as simple as that. A duty of love. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

Alexander McCall Smith

He was as obsequious as a Japanese ivy plant. Wringing his hands as if he hoped to squeeze the milk of human kindness from his fingernails, ...

Philip Kerr

Why Fight When You Can Negotiate?

Captain Jack Sparrow

Good,’ he said. ‘Cause Maggie’s all the nightmare I can take.’I smiled. ‘Gus, I never knew you dreamed of me.’He gave me a one-fingered salute.

Jessica Shirvington

Now it's my turn to give you advice." The tightened his grip, eliminating any doubt about whether he was as ready for this as she was. "Any time you're talking about having hot, dirty sex that makes you come so hard your whole world turns neon, the last thing you want to bring into the conversation is the word 'little'".

Avery Flynn

You'll want something mid-range. A 5.56 all right?""I suppose.""AR-15?""Ugh. AR-15? I'd rather not have my gun break down on me every second week." Besides, every wannabe and their dog had an M16 or M4 variant these days."G7.""Not accurate enough.""FAL?""A 7.62? Maybe," I said. "Though I hate the triggers.""As picky as a woman with her shoes," Abraham grumbled."Hey," I said. "That's insulting." I knew plenty of women who were pickier with their guns than they were with their shoes.

Brandon Sanderson

Ranta: Let's just pray that she actually is a tsundere... Though, if she were a tsundere, obviously, the one she'd go dere for is me, you know? That's kind of... not so bad, I guess?Moguzo: O-Obviously, she wouldn't go dere for Ranta, I think...Ranta: Oh, shut up, Moguzo!

Ao Jyumonji

The movie that changed my life,' he liked to say, by which he meant that it had changed his wardrobe.

E.L. Neve

PU'RIST: one superstitiously nice in the use of words.

Samuel Johnson

How unlucky that you should have a reasonable answer to give, and that I should be so reasonable as to admit it!

Jane Austen

... sentiments which Feliks had already come to recognise as being characteristic of The Times, which would have described the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as strong rulers who could do nothing but good for the stability of the international situation.

Ken Follett

If the Good Lord had intended us to crawl, he'd have given us a hundred legs and an exosqueleton.

Tom Holt

Ear demons are totally real," Cody said. "They're what make microphones like these ones work. They're also what tell you to eat the last slice of pie when you know Tia wanted it.

Brandon Sanderson

Actually, the situation was intolerable. But then it was surprising how much intolerableness a man could tolerate.

Philip José Farmer

I'd sneer and tell him he's got the cerebral finesse of an amoeba and delight in his squint of confusion.

Craig Silvey

You been mud wrestling..?' 'Only with my conscience.' 'Really? Who won?' 'Well, it was one of those rare occasions when violence really doesn't solve anything.

Iain M. Banks

My libido was like a Golden Retriever puppy, ready to jump all over him and lick his face.Down, girl.

Sarina Bowen

Experience was something it was difficult to avoid, though many people had managed to keep it to a minimum.

Philip José Farmer

The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate.

George R.R. Martin

A technicality I'm prepared to hide wildly behind.

Jim Butcher

What the hell makes you smart?" I asked."I wouldn't go for coffee with you.""Listen - I wouldn't ask you.""That," she replied, "is what makes you stupid.

Erich Segal

One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without laughing.

Oscar Wilde

I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality.

George W. Bush

The guy's life drunk, I think, makes Candide look like a sourpuss. Does he even know that death exists?

Jandy Nelson

You noticed that I wore this outfit twice? Why, the only thing you wear twice is a sour expression.

L.M. Montgomery

Master Griffin, I would marry my own mother for the excuse to stab my eyes out with her brooches than to see anything under your kilt," the man's voice said with an elegant aplomb. "Where would you like your guest's things, sir?

Tiffany Reisz

I wasn't used to guys making me blush, and I wasn't sure why he even was making me blush.

Holly Hood

Talking to them was like being placed into conversational purgatory, with no hope of being released without significant damage to one's self-esteem.

Elizabeth Eulberg

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Witty Quotes - Page 2

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