Wit Quotes - Page 3

There is no greater hiding place for a secret than within the mind of a madman.

Alexander Ferrick

There's no greater proof of an impoverished mind than its inability to be witty except at other people's expense.

Fernando Pessoa

I have great affection for you, Roy" I answered, "but I don't think you are the sort of person I'd care to have breakfast with.

W Somerset Maugham

Those who are most sincere are also the most morally suspect, as well as being incapable of producing or appreciating wit.

Happy hour?" Jason says. "It's barely noon, Grams""Oh, shush, you. You'll have some, yes?'"Well"-he smiles slyly and wiggles his eyebrows-"if you insist". Every time, it's the same thing. Leaning in, he rubs his hands together expectantly. The drinking age in New York State was raised last year, so technically, I suppose, this is still illegal for my grandson. But the Jews didn't spend forty years wandering the desert so that I could forfeit a gin and tonic with my progeny...

Susan Jane Gilman

When I was young, I used to watch a lot of old movies and read a lot of books, and I was always amazed at how every one of them had some helpless damsel who was oh so happy to fall into the hero’s arms, and I’m not that kind of girl"- Yvonne

Alexander Ferrick

He listened to her with perfect indifference while she chose to entertain herself in this manner; and as his composure convinced her that all was safe, her wit flowed long.

Her face collapsed like a bad poem

NE'TWORK: Any thing reticulated or decussated, at equal distances, with interstices between the intersections.......RETI'CULATED: Made of network; formed with interstitial vacuities.

I hope to return. I’ll do so if I’m not killed. Probably will anyway.

Brandon Sanderson

Big words from a guy who's trussed up like a turkey. What are you going to do, wobble over here like an upside- down turtle to snap me in half?""The logistics of breaking you are easy. The only question is when.

Susan Ee

If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he comes next to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination. Once begun upon this downward path, you never know where you are to stop. Many a man has dated his ruin from some murder or other that perhaps he thought little of at the time.

Thomas de Quincey

Wit ought to be a glorious treat, like caviar. Never spread it about like marmalade.

I spent the last Friday of summer vacation spreading hot, sticky tar across the roof of George Washington High. My companions were Dopey, Toothless, and Joe, the brain surgeons in charge of building maintenance. At least they were getting paid. I was working forty feet above the ground, breathing in sulfur fumes from Satan's vomitorium, for

Laurie Halse Anderson

He remembered having said to his uncle (with a solemn dogmatism better befitting a much younger man): "Surely it is possible to love with the head as well as the heart." Mr. Delagardie had replied, somewhat drily: "No doubt; so long as you do not end by thinking with your entrails instead of your brain.

Dorothy L. Sayers

This was a lucky recollection -- it saved her from something like regret.

In fact, Lig never formally resigned his editorship—he merely left his office late one morning, and has never returned since. Though well over a century has now passed, many members of the Guide staff still retain the romantic notion that he has simply popped out for a sandwich and will yet return to put in a solid afternoon's work. Strictly speaking, all editors since Lig Lury Jr., have therefore been designated acting editors, and Lig's desk is still preserved the way he left it, with the addition of a small sign that says LIG LURY, JR., EDITOR, MISSING, PRESUMED FED.

Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.

Christopher Moore

Hey, have you heard that one about the difference between me, Wit, and my loutish cousin, Hilarity? No? Okay, so I walk into a bar, you see, very unassuming, and order a martini. Then the bartender, Hilarity, hauls off and squirts me in the face with a seltzer bottle, ruining my n ice new camel hair suit, dousing my monocle and my watch fob, soaking my cravat. So, do I let him have what for, and blow my top? I do not. I simply say:Sorry, I believe I said 'very dry'.

Chip Kidd

To have a viable civilization, people have to have a benign government, a semblance of education, spare time, imagination, and manners

Jonathan Chamberlain Williams

For a poet he threw a very accurate milk bottle.

Ernest Hemingway

Charisma is the ability to influence without logic.

M'sieur, I am as a slave to my wife." He kissed the tips of his fingers. "I am as the dirt beneath her feet." He clasped his hands. "I must bestow on her all that she desires, or die!""Pray make use of my sword, " invited his Grace. "It is in the corner behind you.

Georgette Heyer

Captain Billings," he drawled finally, "if you will pardon my candor, I might remark that you are something of an ass, don't you know.

Edgar Rice Burroughs

I am a mediocre being, a bit cunning.

When I'm in love, I can't stand anyone.

If life is a game... I need new dice!

You would wind up as a cat, I told her. They don't need anyone else. I need you, she replied.Well, I said. Maybe I'll come back as catnip.

Only one English word adequately describes his transformation of the islands from worthless to priceless: magical.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

His foe was folly and his weapon wit.

Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure.

Brevity is the soul of wit.

William Shakespeare

The world was my oyster but I used the wrong fork.

Tact: the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Abraham Lincoln

I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it sho

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

On some days you get what you want, and on others, you get what you need.

Hunter S. Thompson

Men are not nearly as evolved as women are, nor as intelligent, evidently

Let me be clear. Last I was aware you were neither my husband nor my father nor my King. Therefore, any control you may imagine you hold over me is just that- imaginary

Cheap editions of great books may be delightful, but cheap editions of great men are absolutely detestable

Writing a book is like sliding down a rainbow! Marketing it is like trudging through a field of chewed bubblegum on a hot, sticky day.

I no longer believe in love," she said bitterly. "When people claim to have lost their heart, it's usually only their wits that have vanished.

A witty saying proves nothing.

Voltaire

There is a monsterous deal of stupid quizzing, & common-place nonsense talked, but scarcely any wit.

One can have a wit, but not a witless

Brandon Sanderson

Yes, I'm shallow, I don't mind admitting it. Perhaps I should admit that there's no end to the depths of my shallowness.

Franny Billingsley

Paparazzi arrived for Hugh [Grant]. We had to stand under a tree and smile for them.Photographer: 'Hugh, could you look less -- um --'Hugh: 'Pained?

My mind ran over everything that had happened lately, and running on such thoughts made even my feet hurt.

Sometimes you have to break a rule to save the system.

Never rely upon a time machine to fix your problems, as everyone knows, they're much too faulty.

The door was flung open. Maurice Duplay filled it; energetic master, shirt- sleeves rolled up. He threw out his arms, the good Jacobin Duplay, and formed a sentence totally original, something which had never been uttered in the history of the world: “Camille, you have a son, and your wife is very well, and is asking you to be at home, right now.

Oh, well, that's not bad, I suppose. I mean, I'd prefer devastatingly sophisticated - but almost endearing is more than I could have hoped for under the circumstances.

A good sherris-sack hath a twofold operation in it. It ascends me into the brain, dries me there all the foolish and dull and crudy vapors which environ it, makes it apprehensive, quick, forgetive, full of nimble, fiery, and delectable shapes, which, delivered o'er to the voice, the tongue, which is the birth, becomes excellent wit.

William Shakespeare

Does drinking make you wittier? One might as well ask if witting makes you drinkier, which it may.

Benjamin Errett

If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.

The two keys to success as a sportswriter are: 1) A blind willingness to believe anything you're told by the coaches, flacks, hustlers and other "official spokesmen" for the team-owners who provide the free booze ... and: 2) A Roget's Thesaurus, in order to avoid using the same verbs and adjectives twice in the same paragraph.Even a sports editor, for instance, might notice something wrong with a lead that said: "The precision-jack-hammer attack of the Miami Dolphins stomped the balls off the Washington Redskins today by stomping and hammering with one precise jack-thrust after another up the middle, mixed with pinpoint-precision passes into the flat and numerous hammer-jack stomps around both ends....

Hunter S. Thompson

My doctor says I must not have any serious conversation after seven [o'clock]. It makes me talk in my sleep.

Victory in war is usually the result of compromising what you want and behaving like those you despise." - Tapio

Who values the past lives sentimentally.Who optimizes the present grabs opportunity.Who balances time creates harmony. Who disturbs harmony leads complexity.Who solves complexity opens continuity.

How I define patriotism, a knife, a riffle and some hand-gernades.

Billy S VanOrsdol

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 … 7 Next