Wit Quotes - Page 2

Good madonna, give me leave toprove you a fool.

Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile.

Look, this is helping me out quite a bit, but could you just get to the punishment part? We're at the end of World War Two in history, and I can't wait to find out who wins.

Rob Thomas

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Half is better than none unless it be of a wit.

Susan Lendroth

It was Colonel Parkman who upped stakes, crossed the border, and named our town, thus perversely commemorating a battle in which he'd lost. (Though perhaps that's not so unusual: many people take a curatorial interest in their own scars.) He's shown astride his horse, waving a sword and about to gallop into the nearby petunia bed: a craggy man with seasoned eyes and pointed beard, every sculptor's idea of every cavalry leader. No one knows what Colonel Parkman really looked like, since he left no pictorial evidence of himself and the statue wasn't erected until 1885, but he looks like this now. Such is the tyranny of Art.On the left-hand side of the lawn, also with a petunia bed, is an equally mythic figure: the Weary Soldier, his three top shirt buttons undone, his neck bowed as if for the headman's axe, his uniform rumpled, his helmet askew, leaning on his malfunctioning Ross rifle. Forever young, forever exhausted, he tops the War Memorial, his skin burning green in the sun, pigeon droppings running down his face like tears.

Margaret Atwood

I'm very fond of experimental housekeeping.

Jane Austen

The problem is you make the tricks look good. You are a brilliant acrobat, and a witty comedian. You are skillful. People want a fool to be foolish--trip on banana peels and grin and spout nonsense. These men want fools to make them feel better about themselves, not to remind them what they lack.

Kelli Swofford Nielsen

I'm eating a massive pastrami sandwich. It's so beautiful I might cry. Just so you know.

Lucy Robinson

I was going to write a sharp witty email full of devastating one-liners but I suspect you want something nicer than that

Lucy Robinson

Yes, well, I'm not asking you to hide anything. Hiding won't help you. You can't very well hide from a pit, can you? You just need to avoid falling into it." - Brohan Madhrarigal

Gregory S. Close

They seek him here. They seek him there. Those Frenchies seek him everywhere. Is he in Heaven? Or is he in Hell? That damned, illusive pimpernel.

Sir Peter Blackney "Scarlet Pimpernel"

if you can’t acquaint an opponent with reason, you must acquaint his head with the sidewalk.

Lee Child

Does the king know you're back?""Nope! I'm trying to think of a properly dramatic way to inform him. Perhaps a hundred chasmfiends marching in unison, singing an ode to my magnificence.""That sounds… hard.""Yeah, the storming things have real trouble tuning their tonic chords and maintaining just intonation.""I have no idea what you just said.""Yeah, the storming things have real trouble tuning their tonic chords and maintaining just intonation.

Brandon Sanderson

This is a lot more satisfying," he said, "when I have intelligent life whom I can render awed, rapt with attention for my clever verbosity."The ugly lizard-crab-thing on the next rock over clicked its claw, an almost hesitant sound."Your right, of course," Wit said. "My usual audience isn't particularly intelligent. That was also the obvious joke, however, so shame on you.

Brandon Sanderson

If you've brains it's better than beauty - brains last, beauty doesn't.

L.M. Montgomery

I suppose we all tend to want the impossible. And sometimes in attempting it we achieve something near enough to the impossible to elicit satisfaction.

Julie Anne Long

you ask too many questions," snapped Cletus.I kept my gaze on Roman. "that's because I get too few answers.

David Baldacci

They are fond of fun and therefore witty, wit being well-bred insolence.

Aristotle

Both were military. That was clear.Reacher could tell by their haircuts. No civilian barber would be as pragmatic or as brutal.

Lee Child

Lingerer, my brain is on fire with impatience; and you tarry so long!

Charlotte Brontë

Jimmy Murray, you are an ass,' said Aunt Ruth, angrily.'Well, we're cousins,' agreed Cousin Jimmy pleasantly.

L.M. Montgomery

Cardinal Campeggio has implored Katherine to bow to the king's will, accept that her marriage is invalid and retire to a convent. Certainly, she says sweetly, she will become a nun: if the king will become a monk.

Hilary Mantel

I wish for you the wisdom to mind your own business.

Steve Maraboli

When she walked by the two officers, they didn't recognize her. "Have you seen the luscious bonbon with the golden braids?" She grinned up at them with such impish mischief that they almost forgot their quest for the singer. "She is with her lover," Hannah said. "But she can always handle one or two more." She winked at them. "Go there, through that door." She made her escape while the uniformed hobbledehoys gawked and gaped and finally burst into the dressing room where Franz, the three-hundred-pound juggling strongman, was adjusting his loincloth. "I ought not do it," Hannah said aloud to herself as chaos erupted behind her. "I just can't seem to help myself. it is a shame, really.

Laura L. Sullivan

Money won is twice as sweet as money earned.

Paul Newman

Two blind men waited at the end of an era, contemplating beauty.

Brandon Sanderson

I’ll admit, Jasnah, that I empathize with your skepticism, but I don’t agree with it. I just think you've been looking for God in the wrong plac

Brandon Sanderson

This lot won't suffer you forever.I wouldn't see you dead by their knives; I see a fine man within you Wit.""Yes, He tasted quite delicious.

Brandon Sanderson

My name is Mr Bread." He began writing his name neatly on the board. "But you can call me Peter."Suddenly there was quiet, as thirty little brains whirred."Pita Bread!" proclaimed a ginger-haired boy from the back.

David Walliams

A palindrome,” I said the first time she told me. She looked at me, perplexed, and that’s when I knew I could never love her. What a waste of a palindrome she was, that Hannah.-Owen Gentry

Colleen Hoover

I follow my own methods, and tell as much or as little as I choose. That is the advantage of being unofficial.

Arthur Conan Doyle

Being a Gentleman, has more to do with hiding his flaws, than exhibiting the virtues!

Ramana Pemmaraju

I moved out of my head office and went out of my mind.

Benny Bellamacina

It is not that I object to the work, mind you; I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me: the idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart.

Jerome K. Jerome

With a bit of luck and a lot of hard work, this writing thing may just pan out.

Rebel Miller

There was a party of well-dressed people with Gilt, and as they progressed accoss the room the whole place began to revolve around the big man, gold being very dense and having a gravity all of its own.

Terry Pratchett

I wonder now how we got by when you weren't here.""I have no doubt the devastation was widespread, the suffering universal.""Indeed, it was the Dark Ages in the annals of Mrs. Dawlish's house. Ignorance was thick on the ground, and unenlkghtenment befogged all the windows.

Sherry Thomas

Sometimes being given the elbow can turn out to be the best hand.

Benny Bellamacina

Jack shall have Jill.Nought shall go ill.

William Shakespeare

Really?""No. I'm being ironic. Or is it sarcastic? I can never remember.""Irony's cleverer, so you're probably being sarcastic.

Jonathan Stroud

That's a very murky position," objected Felix."So's the weather. But this is England, we must learn to live with uncertainty.

Gail Carriger

My wit is only as stupid as the audience.

Aleksandra Ninkovic

In retrospect, I am very nearly as sharp as I pretend to be.

Lyndsay Faye

I’m not a serpent, Father. I’m a crow.

Eli Easton

The wit taught by God to the beeIs withheld from the lion and the wild ass.

Jalaluddin Rumi

Now don't let us give ourselves a parcel of airs, and pretend that the oaths we make free with in this land of liberty of ours are our own; and because we have the spirit to swear them,—imagine that we have had the wit to invent them too.

Laurence Sterne

Great wits jump

Laurence Sterne

Frame everything and some of it will become art.

Benny Bellamacina

It was rather too late in the day to set about being simple-minded and ignorant.

Jane Austen

Wit is the thought process that generates truly funny observations, as well as the most incisive comments, lasting quips, and brilliant asides. To say wit is mean is like saying the sun is mean for burning you: The giant ball of hot plasma at the center of our solar system is bigger than that, and why weren't you wearing sunscreen in the first place?

Benjamin Errett

Deliver me from my disciples!

Oscar Wilde

That's what you think of me, is it, girl?" said his lordship, a glint in his

Georgette Heyer

...it is indeed a street of so impertinent a nature, so unfortunately connected with the great London and Oxford roads, and the principal inn of the city, that a day never passes in which parties of ladies, however important their business, whether in quest of pastry, millinery, or even (as in the present case) of young men, are not detained on one side or other by carriages, horsemen, or carts. This evil had been felt and lamented, at least three times a day, by Isabella since her residence in Bath...

Jane Austen

Going to marry her? Impossible! You mean a part of her; he could not marry her all himself. It would be a case, not of bigamy but trigamy; there is enough of her to furnish wives for the whole parish. One man marry her! - it is monstrous! You might people a colony with her; or give an assembly with her; or perhaps take your morning's walk round her, always provided there were frequent resting places, and you were in rude health. I once was rash enough to try walking round her before breakfast, but only got half way and gave it up exhausted. Or you might read the Riot Act and disperse her; in short, you might do anything but marry her!

Sydney Smith

Jason smiled and took a sip of his coke before responding. “I’m not sure how to reply to that. I thought about just giving you a nasty look. But I see you already have one.

Mark A. Cooper

A fool is a man who believes glory can be found at the tip of a sword instead of on the tip of his tongue. That is life’s cruel trick.

Natalia Jaster

Always remember that you can explain things for people, but you can't comphrend for them.

Shannon L. Alder

Always remember that you have been called worse things by better people.

Shannon L. Alder

Snark is a fabulous defense mechanism.

Betsy Schow

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Wit Quotes - Page 2

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