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I have my standards. They may be low but I have them.
Bette Midler
She's not moody. She's just known for her versatility of emotions.
Louise Lotz
Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life . . . and you messed it up again.
Patrick Murray
Show me someone who never gossips and I'll show you someone who isn't interested in people.
Barbara Walters
I always read the last page of a book first so that if I die before I finish I'll know how it turned out.
Nora Ephron
Well-adjusted means you can make the same mistakes over and over again and keep smiling.
George Bergman
When someone sings his own praises he always gets the tune too high.
Mary Waldrip
Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.
Peter De Vries
I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.
Mark Twain
Laugh and the world laughs with you snore and you sleep alone.
Katharine Whitehorn
Lead me not into temptation I can find the way myself.
Rita Mae Brown
He talks at the drop of a pause.
John Mason Brown
Deep down I'm really shallow.
Linda Merkin
No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have - and I think he's a dirty little beast.
W.S. Gilbert
Everyone is ignorant only on different subjects.
Will Rogers
What a pity human beings can't exchange problems. Everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow's.
Olin Miller
She realizes she doesn't know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her age.
Dorothy Parker
The worst thing about a bore is not that he won't stop talking but that he won't let you stop listening.
Anonymous
Horse sense is what keeps horses from betting on what people will do.
Raymond Nash
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
Fran Lebowitz
When compelled to cook I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag.
Russell Baker
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
W.C.Fields
It gives me great strength to know that half the people I meet are below average.
Anonymous
I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing other patients.
Oscar Levant
We'd all like a reputation for generosity and we'd all like to buy it cheap.
Mignon McLaughlin
I may have faults but being wrong ain't one of them.
Jimmy Hoffa
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said "No bablo ingles."
Ronnie Shakes
I'm not at all stuck up . . . although judging from those around me I have every right to be.
Anonymous
I've got nothing against girls in tight sweaters - darn it!
Anonymous
Let's just say he has too many pigeons on his antenna.
Anonymous
He could sell the Pope on financing a Mormon tabernacle.
Anonymous
Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too large.
George Carlin
My mother said "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said "Just wait."
Judy Tenuta
I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years.
Molly Ivins
I don't believe in astrology - of course that's very typical of Leos.
Wendy Morgan
Being popular is important. Otherwise people might not like you.
Mitni Pond
If I only had a little humility I'd be perfect.
Ted Turner
The ability to sin differs among people. For example a short-armed fisherman isn't as big a liar as a long-armed one.
Anonymous
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
You can't act like a skunk without someone's getting wind of it.
Lorene Workman
I don't gamble. I invest with a risk.
Howard Crossman
At home I am a nice guy but I don't want the world to know. Humble people I've found don't go very far.
Muhammad Ali
I never gossip but I can give you the names of certain people who do.
Judy Hampton
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Jules Renard
I had a dream about you last night. Our vices had wings and our fears could breathe fire. There was nowhere to hide and we were trapped alive. So you reached for your sword and slashed my arm, waking me and saving my life.
Crystal Woods
And do you know why we have not the power to attain this Stoic ideal? It is because we refuse to believe in our power. Nay, of a surety, there is something else which plays a part: it is because we are in love with our vices; we uphold them and prefer to make excuses for them rather than shake them off. We mortals have been endowed with sufficient strength by nature, if only we use this strength, if only we concentrate our powers and rouse them all to help us or at least not to hinder us. The reason is unwillingness, the excuse, inability.
Seneca
I sometimes think that shame, mere awkward, senseless shame, does as much towards preventing good acts and straightforward happiness as any of our vices can do.
C.S. Lewis
If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous. Have you noticed that? I'd like to find the bastard that thought that one up.
Lemmy Kilmister
To love a woman for her virtues is meaningless. She's earned it, it's a payment, not a gift. But to love her for her vices is a real gift, unearned and undeserved. To love her for her vices is to defile all virtue for her sake - and that is a real tribute of love, because you sacrifice your conscience, your reason, your integrity and your invaluable self-esteem.
Ayn Rand
Changing prejudice often inverts the value of words while preserving most of their sense; virtues are turned into vices, artistic qualities become defects.
John Shearman
The greatest temptations are not those that solicit our consent to obvious sin, but those that offer us great evils masking as the greatest goods.
Thomas Merton
The good man, though a slave, is free; the wicked, though he reigns, is a slave, and not the slave of a single man, but - what is worse - the slave of as many masters as he has vices.
Rubianne Wood
Nature evaluates a character on the basis of its merits, not demerits.
Raheel Farooq
as long as agreat number of those impressions which form character, like the nicemotions of the arm, remain absolutely independent of the will of man,though it would be the height of folly and presumption to attempt tocalculate the relative proportions of virtue and vice at the future periodsof the world, it may be safely asserted that the vices and moralweakness of mankind, taken in the mass, are invincible.
Thomas Robert Malthus
The vices and moral weakness of man are not invincible: Man is perfectible, or in other words, susceptible of perpetual improvement.
Thomas Robert Malthus
[Tolstoy] does not necessarily get rid of [his angry] temperament by undergoing religious conversion, and indeed it is obvious that the illusion of having been reborn may allow one's native vices to flourish more freely than ever, though perhaps in subtler forms.
George Orwell
We are taught to be free from all vices of life. No greed, anger, lust, and attachment with any mundane things.
Girdhar Joshi
I've had these demons for years, maybe for my whole life. Then you came along to provoke them, expose them, and eventually rid me of them, because I believe you're the only human that can.
Crystal Woods
O [Roman] people be ashamed; be ashamed of your lives. Almost no cities are free of evil dens, are altogether free of impurities, except the cities in which the barbarians have begun to live...Let nobody think otherwise, the vices of our bad lives have alone conquered us...The Goths lie, but are chaste, the Franks lie, but are but are generous, the Saxons are savage in cruelty...but are admirable in chastity...what hope can there be [for the Romans] when the barbarians are more pure [than they]?"-Salvian
William J. Federer
No company is preferable to bad. We are more apt to catch the vices of others than virtues, as disease is far more contagious than health.
Charles Caleb Colton
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