Uncategorized Quotes - Page 53

If you had a piece of coal, we could hold her down, shove it up her ass, and come collect a big, fat diamond in a few days.

M. Leighton

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

George Carlin

Vegtables, what food eats before it becomes food.

David Weber

He’s sort of a homeless horse,” I said.“I’m leaving for the airport in two seconds, and I won’t be back for a couple days. You can put the horse in the garage, but I don’t want that horse in my apartment.”“Who would put a horse in an apartment? That’s dumb.”“Where’s the horse staying now?”“My apartment.”“I can always count on you to brighten my day,” Ranger said. And he disconnected.

Janet Evanovich

I mean, shit, what Latino family doesn't think it's cursed?

Junot Díaz

What's the point of using words nobody knows or can say comfortably?

Stephen Chbosky

We fell to wrestling again. We rolled all over the floor, in each other's arms, like two huge helpless children. He was naked and goatish under his robe, and I felt suffocated as he rolled over me. I rolled over him. We rolled over me. They rolled over him. We rolled over us.

Vladimir Nabokov

Talk about insanity. Being attracted to deVries was like a month saying, "Hey, let's go check out that awesome bonfire".

Cherise Sinclair

you don't know until you know!

Ruth Lizana-Jackson

I threw my hand over my mouth and blurted out the first best excuse I could come up with, “Morning breath!

Melissa Aragon

There's a place for farts, and there's a place for sharts.

J.E. Haldeman

Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.

Chuck Palahniuk

How many kids are in the Graveyard?""A bunch.""Who sends your supplies?""George Washington. Or is it Abraham Lincoln? I forget.""How often do you receive new arrivals?""About as often as you beat your wife.

Neal Shusterman

There lived a redheaded man who had no eyes or ears. He didn’t have hair either, so he was called a redhead arbitrarily. He couldn’t talk because he had no mouth. He had no nose either. He didn’t even have arms or legs. He had no stomach, he had no back, he had no spine, and he had no innards at all. He didn’t have anything. So we don’t even know who we’re talking about. It’s better that we don’t talk about him any more.

Daniil Kharms

Every gay man out there has at least one man-crush in his past that totally shriveled his nads into raisins and sent him screaming off into the night.

T.A. Webb

You spit in this?""Yup."Chris shrugged. "As long as you're honest.

R.L. Mathewson

This isn't sex."I blinked. "Oh. Then what is it?""An emergency!"I started to argue and then thought twice about it. Considering what Mircea would do to Pritkin if he ever found out about this...Yeah. Emergency sounded good.

Karen Chance

Asshole," Ephraim muttered as he turned back around.Chris chuckeled. "Is that really any way to talk to your favorite child?""You're not my favorite," Ephraim argued, but they both knew that was bullshit. "I don't have any favorites.""Puhlease," Chris said. "You fucking adore me...

R.L. Mathewson

I'm OK with being single, but I'm not OK when the time comes where I have to move my furniture around and to change the high ceiling light balls...

Hiroko Sakai

I'm used to desperate, buddy. Desperate's my factory default. But thanks anyway.

Carolyn Crane

If somebody tells me what to do, I will do my best not to do it.

Hiroko Sakai

Why in the name of God do you wear these ugly ass granny panties? I swear it looks like you could parachute from the Dallas Lincoln Plaza with these and have a nice soft landing! Why don’t you get on the internet and apply your online shopping skills while purchasing some panties that do not look like they came from your Grans drawer?

Kathryn Perez

Imogen was a bright girl naturally, but she had read so many novels that her brain was completely turned.

Susan Coolidge

Madam, I have just come from a country where people are hanged if they talk.

Leonhard Euler

How come I have too many things to do all the time...??

Hiroko Sakai

That's how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your butt and they're looking' to find poloponies.

Janet Evanovich

...clearly, we're supposed to be together. If this were the internet, seventeen-year-old girls would be writing slash fiction about us as we speak.

Vaughn R. Demont

How's the blood-stream, my dear, invaluable little woman? How's the blood-stream?"..."It's quite comfortable, sir...I think, sir, thank yo

Mervyn Peake

I’ve had a lot of food but if you don’t jiggle me too much you can have your wicked way with me.

Samantha Young

An Irishman walks into a pub,” she begins and the bar went silent. “The bartender asks him, ‘What'll you have?’” Her Irish accent was spot on. “The man says, ‘Give me three pints of Guinness, please.’ The bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.“The bartender says, ‘Sir, no need to order as many at a time. I’ll keep an eye on it and when you get low, I'll bring you a fresh one.’ The man replies, ‘You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, me brothers have three Guinness stouts too, and we're drinking together.’“The bartender thought this a wonderful tradition and every week the man came in and ordered three beers.” January’s playing and voice became more solemn, dramatic. “But one week, he ordered only two.” The crowd oohed and ahhed. “He slowly drank them,” she continued darkly, “and then ordered two more. The bartender looked at him sadly. ‘Sir, I know your tradition, and, agh, I'd just like to say that I'm sorry for your loss.’“The man looked on him strangely before it finally dawned on him. ‘Oh, me brothers are fine - I just quit drinking.

Fisher Amelie

John and I have made this stuff our hobby, in the way that an especially attractive prisoner makes a hobby out of not getting raped. Jesus, that’s a terrible analogy. I apologize. What I’m saying is that it’s self-preservation. We didn’t choose this, we just have talents that makes us the equivalent of that new guy in the cell block who has a slim, hairless body and kind of looks like a woman from behind, and has an incredibly realistic tattoo of boobs on his back. He may have no desire at all to ever even touch a penis, but it’s going to happen, even if it’s just in the process of frantically slapping them away. Jesus, am I still talking about this? [John—please delete the above paragraph before it goes off to the publisher].

David Wong

You stick a bunch of drunken murderers together, ain't long before some turn to thieving, then to lying, then to bad language, and pretty soon to sobriety, raising families and making an honest living.

Joe Abercrombie

He shifted his attention back to me and leaned in closer. “I told you to behave. I don’t want to have to arrest you ever again.”“Um . . . okay.”I felt him slide something under my hand. He leaned in even closer, his mouth by my ear, and whispered, “Although I wouldn’t mind handcuffing you.”Oh. My. God.

Robyn Peterman

I am (thank God!) constitutionally superior to reason.

Wilkie Collins

Do you follow the wrestling? Most people think it's illegal, but you can watch it there. Ruby and Python are on display this evening.

Samuel R. Delany

One should never marry a man who doesn't own a decent set of scissors.

Gillian Flynn

Here's my using dickwad in a sentence. Greg is such a dickwad, he locks his car in the Pagoda Pizza parking lot. (No. That isn't a real Vocab word.)

A.S. King

If the mattress stains were anything to go by, a previous user had not so much suffered from incontinence as rejoiced in it.

Bill Bryson

Albert Camus did not know he was summing up modern photojournalism when he wrote:"Will I kill myself or have a cup of coffee

Sacha Hartgers

If the ties that bind ever do come looseIf forever ever ends for youIf that ring gets a little too tightYou might as well read me my last rights.

The Band Perry

Put it on your forehead and you'll feel better in no time!

Alfred F. Jones Hetalia

I took your name when I took those vowsI meant 'em back then and I mean 'em right now.

The Band Perry

--he stopped and eyed Bill Corso--"if you choose to just sit here like a bored jungle gorilla, you will have to write out this quote as many times as you can during the next hour.

A.S. King

Kalina remained paralyzed in her seat. “Oh, crap. Aaron was a vampire.” She straightened up. Remain calm, Kalina. Breathe. “You're not going to eat me, are you?”“No,” said Stuart. “Not all vampires feed on humans. I choose not to. I drink Vampire Wine.”“Vampire Wine.” Kalina put the pieces together. “Jaegar...I thought he was kidding...”“And Aaron drank Vampire Wine, too. To avoid succumbing to temptation. To avoid drinking blood whenever he got too...excited....”Kalina's eyes widened. “So you mean...”“Vampire Wine wasn't the problem, Kalina. It was the only solution.

Kailin Gow

Always take a compliment, even if it’s not yours

Benny Bellamacina

You gotta want it.

Bill Murray

Spider or gum? Spider or gum? I thought quickly trying to come up with a believable excuse when I blurted out, “I swallowed a spider!” What? I swallowed a spider? What the hell is wrong with me?!

Melissa Aragon

Yes, I know this narrative is crowded with beautiful women - Mrs. Pearson, Mrs. Maycott, Mrs. Lavien, Mrs. Bingham. We might form a cricket team of beautiful women. I cannot help it if they are the ones who excite my notice and so trouble myself to describe.

David Liss

He would not object, he said, to accepting a post as a librarian. But as Cecilia was unable to imagine that her father or her brother would feel any marked degree of satisfaction in giving her in marriage to a librarian, this very handsome concession on Mr Fawnhope's part merely added to her despondency.

Georgette Heyer

She was a former Texan - proud, loud and stubborn. But you can't really be a former Texan. You can only move out of Texas. To be a former Texan would be like growing up in Italy, moving out and being formerly Italian.

Jeffrey Michelson

The first of ‘Goose’s Two Laws of Survival.’ It runs thus, ‘The weak are meat the strong do eat.’ ” ... Henry grinned in the dark & cleared his throat. “The second law of survival states that there is no second law. Eat or be eaten. That’s it.

David Mitchell

Writing is my passion, not my job. I need to write as much as I need to breathe, if not more.

A.E. Croft

Quadruple crap. Why couldn’t I control myself? Why did he have this effect on me? “Are you compelling me right now?”To my surprise, his smile held an edge of sadness. “That would give you a much needed excuse, but I am afraid I am not.”Curse my body for reacting to his. As long as I kept him out of my heart, I would be okay.“I think it a bit too late for that, my dear.”“You’re using old man speak again.” I made a face. “It’s creepy.”He chuckled. “I’ll try to remember that, but I haven’t been around humans much in the past hundred years. It’s hard to keep up with the changes in common dialect.”“Let’s keep on topic, Jett. You were going to teach me how to control my mind.

Christie Rich

Q and Beanpole and I giggled at the way our math teacher, Mr. Sung-Li, wore four pencils in his shirt pocket in case he was suddenly attacked by a multiplication problem or something.

Alan Sitomer

...the concept of marketing is almost as old as humanity itself...suffice it to say here that it took almost no time for a wily serpent to sell Adam and Eve on a shiny apple from the Tree of Knowledge, at which point they became not only the first humans but also the first marketing demographic, and God expelled them from the Garden of Eden for being total consumerist dupes. (p. 40)

BikeSnobNYC

Another example of getting flack from the boys is what happened when Jack Black dumped me. That’s right. I fucked Jack Black. Okay, we went out only two or three times, but that’s a relationship in my book. And by the way, this is my book.

Kathy Griffin

The ark was like a portable computer hard drive and Noah was a one-man Geek Squad, and he dumped God's most important files onto it before he zorched the virus-ridden computer that was the world.

BikeSnobNYC

I have a constant hungry bum. It's like my own venus fly trap

Monica Merrill Mylet

I cannot see you anymore. Your ego spans higher than the Himalayas.” Sutara

Eleni Papanou

Malory! You've got a chipmunk on your pussy!

Tamara Thorne

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Uncategorized Quotes - Page 53

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