Uncategorized Quotes - Page 142

Some men are warriors and some men are weenies. The trick is figuring out which is which.

Today's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass.

Maybe life does suck, Pork Chop, but it beats the hell out of the alternative.

Just when you think you have life by the tail, it's likely to whip around and take a hunk outta your balls.

There is no greater hell than realizing you're in love with the guy you hate.

You lose a couple of pounds and get a guy good and drunk, you could have a hell of a good time even if you are not smart.

Generally, men are superior in the areas of heavy lifting, where there's a past only by pachyderms and building cranes. Beyond that, I believe any right-thinking thinking will see that women have the indisputable advantage.

The theory of relativity doesn't amount to a hill of beans when there's a bonfire in your shorts.

Fair play is all well and good. But knowing how to kick 'em in the balls can get you out of a jam 9 times out of 10.

Just remember this, Missy, escargot ain't nothin' but snails with their noses stuck in the air.

Beauty is only skin deep, but who gives a shit what's under their skin anyway?

Chocolate may be cheaper than a psychiatrist, but the latter doesn't generally adhere to your ass for the rest of your natural life.

If I want to catch the damn worm I get outta bed.

Always listen to your dog.

Margaret Mizushima

Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt.

I am a very good cook.” When she did cook.“Good. I like to eat.” He lightly bit her palm.The too-much-air feeling in Lucy’s stomach pressed upward into her heart. “What?” she asked past the constriction in her chest.“What do I like to eat?”“Yeah.”“Blondes with blue eyes.”Oh God. She pulled her hand from his. “Are you hungry?”His gaze lowered to her mouth. “I could eat.

He held up his hand, and in it was...tOh, God.tThe neon-pink vibrator, glowing in the dark now. It was following her, stalking her, all the way down the yellow brick road to hell.

There is no feature as attractive as a well exercised intellect.

You really don't know a person until you spend some time in their panties.

Old-age sucks, but the alternative doesn't look that great, either.

He who laughs loudest has a high probability of being extremely inebriated.

She may be an old flame, but she still smokin'.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are not

In 50 years it won't matter if he's handsome, ugly, or dumb as a post, just try to find someone who don't make you want to shove a pitchfork up his nose.

In this town, a successful marriage is one that lasts longer than ice.

In the movie business, the ones we call Lucky are usually those idiots who are just too damn stubborn to take no for an answer. Come to think of it, the movie business is kind of like life.

There isn't much a pan of warm Brownies and a glass of milk will fix. In less it's low grain prices. Or poverty. Or the national debt. I guess there are a few things, but nothing you have to worry about right this minute.

Gregory of Nyssa points out that Moses's vision of God began with the light, with the visible burning bush, the bush which was bright with fire and was not consumed; but afterwards, God spoke to him in a cloud. After the glory which could be seen with human eyes, he began to see the glory which is beyond and after light. The shadows are deepening all around us.

Madeleine L'Engle

I ain't taking no more rides on the stupid train.

Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after.

Don't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment.

Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack.

In my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere.

Some people say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. In actuality, you have to make an incision through his skin, both dermis and epidermis, then carefully sever and separate the sternum. Only upon viewing the exposed thoracic cavity can you reach the heart--if indeed the male of the species actually possesses such an organ.

I don't need no PMS. I can bitch under my own steam.

Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me.

He's an undersized pissant with delusions of adequacy.

A pigs and pain, until you really get to know 'em. Then he's a paid with the soul.

Analyzing dreams is much like walking on water. There are a limited number of people who do it well.

Booze and boys, ain't nothing in the universe that'll make a girl stupid faster.

Maybe knowledge is power, but it's damned hard to think a burglar to death.

Men are like beer. Some are bold and some are smooth. But every damn one of 'em has a big-ass head full of air.

Writers are like onions, layers upon layers upon layers.

My name is Jane Delaney and I do things my paying customers can’t do, don’t want to do, don’t want to be seen doing, can’t bring themselves to do, and/or don’t want it to be known they’d paid someone to do. To dead people.

Dean was about to dismiss me with a quick nod, but my name caught his attention. “Hey, you’re that Death Diva girl, right?”“’Fraid so.”“Huh.” He studied me a moment as he extracted a lighter and pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket. I studied him back. Dean’s head bore the aftermath of what had to be the world’s worst hair transplant. Reddish brown crop rows marched back from a severe, slightly lopsided hairline. The whole mess had been meticulously blow-dried and sprayed in a swept-back style more appropriate to the 1980s.He tapped out a cigarette. “You make money doing that?”“Why, yes I do,” I said. “That’s kind of the point of it.” That’s the number-one question I get asked.“What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done, eh?” The number-two question, right on schedule.

He really just wanted to blurt out, ‘My Grandma’s dead’, but he knew that when it came to it, the words would stick like pebbles in his throat.

I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet

If they really wanted us to resist temptation, they shouldn't a made it so damn tempting.

It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine.

In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.

There is not a simple gene pool entirely free of toxic waste.

Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end.

Friends are nice. You can tell' 'em stuff, but you can swear like a gangster at an enemy. And that's all right, too.

Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation'll knock down the damn door and drag you out by the hair.

Maybe in fairytales you're only as old as you feel, but here in L. A. you're every second as old as your pores.

Love may be blind, but lust is just damn stupid.

And thanks to Christina McMullen, who has taught me that common sense and intelligence need not have any correlation whatsoever.

I have abstained from expressing any opinion, so far," says Mr. Superintendent, with his military voice still in good working order. "I have now only one remark to offer, on leaving this case in your hands. There IS such a thing, Sergeant, as making a mountain out of a mole-hill. Good-morning.""There is also such a thing as making nothing out of a mole-hill, in consequence of your head being too high to see it." Having returned his brother-officer's compliment in those terms, Sergeant Cuff wheeled about, and walked away to the window by himself.

I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.

A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.

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