Sarcasm Quotes - Page 9

Sometimes I feel so sick at the state of the world I can't even finish my second apple pie.

Could you attempt, at least, to make yourself presentable? I know this is a war, but the rest of us are trying to pretend it's a party.

Kristin Cashore

Jules stood up and stretched gracelessly. “Let’s hurry up and pay before she”-she indicated Claire with a flick of her thumb-“sees something shiny and we lose her again.

Kimberly Derting

Is this the girl?” Kieran’s voice was very different: It sounded like waves sliding up the shore. Like warm water under pale light. It was seductive, with an edge of cold. He looked at Emma as if she were a new kind of flower, one he wasn’t sure he liked. “She’s pretty,” he said. “I didn’t think she’d be pretty. You didn’t mention it.”Iarlath shrugged. “You’ve always been partial to blondes,” he said.“Okay, seriously?” Emma snapped her fingers. “I am right here. And I was not aware I was being invited to a game of ‘Who’s the Hottest?'"I wasn’t aware you were invited at all,” said Kieran. His speech had a casual edge, as if he was used to talking to humans.“Rude,” said Emma.

Cassandra Clare

Your wit is always such a delight, Mr. Zeklos. I can barely contain myself around it.

Richelle Mead

He just waited until I stopped talking and said, 'Jesus, kid, you're almost a detective. All you need now is a gun, a gut, and three ex-wives. So what's your theory?

John Green

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since.

Jerome K. Jerome

So this was the rest of his life. It felt like a party to which he'd been invited, but at an address he couldn't actually locate. Someone must be having fun at it, this life of his; only, right at the moment, it wasn't him.

Margaret Atwood

The earl shook his head, exhibiting a degree of frosty offense that could only be achieved by an aristocrat whose wishes had just been gainsaid. “I’ve never heard of a man being so eager to confess to the parent of a girl he’s just ruined,” he said sourly.

Lisa Kleypas

Discord says it's a good idea. That's comforting.

Melissa Marr

Never mumble some sarcastic shit to somebody who can obviously fuck you up.

Ice-T

A psycho murderer who lubed. How considerate.

Jordan Castillo Price

While Daniel disappeared into his room, probably to limn the contours of some exquisite constellation of philosophical nonsense for his internship applications and gasp in the throes of his overachieving OCDness.

Michelle Hodkin

Maybe,” he said in a slow, rural drawl, “you could explain to me why I found you in the middle of an orgy.” “Well,” I said, “if you’re going to be in an orgy, the middle is the best spot, isn’t it.

Jim Butcher

I wasn't entirely sure, but a polite John Pritkin might be a sign of the apocalypse.

Karen Chance

Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? Youtake delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.""You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. Theyare my old friends. I have heard you mention them with considerationthese last twenty years at least.

Jane Austen

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

E.L. James

The mage pulled my knife out of his side and looked at it. “Nice knife.” The voice was deep but female.I threw my second knife. The blade bit into the mage’s chest. Shit. Missed the neck. “Here, have another one.

Ilona Andrews

There should be a rule against your own inner monologue throwing around that much sarcasm.

Jim Butcher

What happened?" he demanded. "I heard an explosion!""Yeah.That was me. I set the boat alight.""What?""I set fire to the boat.""But we're on the boat!""I know.

Anthony Horowitz

Thinking I'm a moron gives people something to feel smug about," Charles Wallace said. "Why should I disillusion them?

Madeleine L'Engle

Dear Karma, I really hate you right now, you made your point.

Ottilie Weber

Give me a few minutes.”“You have time.” He sat in the grass.“Are you just going to sit there and watch me?”“Yes. Watching pretty peasant girls is what we poor little rich boys do best.”“Peasant?”He shrugged. “You started the name calling.

Ilona Andrews

Yes, heaven forbid I not be protected from tanks.

Stephenie Meyer

One day I'll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you'll be in trouble.

Terry Pratchett

Sarcasm will make your tits fall off.

Christopher Moore

Why do you have a cigarette lighter in your glove compartment?" her husband, Jack, asked her. "I'm bored with knitting. I've taken up arson

Audrey Niffenegger

Clever is when one is crafty enough to mistake your imagination for intelligence. Smart is when one assumes they are too educated to notice the difference.

Kerry E. Wagner

Promise me you’ll look after yourself … stay out of trouble …’‘I always do, Mrs Weasley,’ said Harry. ‘I like a quiet life, you know me.

J.K. Rowling

Your name?"The movements of the man's mouth didn't quite match what he was saying, so seeing him speak was a bit like watching a badly dubbed film."Alex Gardiner," Alex said. "Your real name?""I just told you.""You lied. Your real name is Alex Rider.""Why ask if you think you know?

Anthony Horowitz

We were in such good moods, we even decided to hit Todd's house for candy. Sam rang the doorbell, and when it opened, this hideous, rubber monster face roared at us. Sam screamed. Todd started laughing and took off the mask. I yelled, "Put it back on! Put it back on! Your hideousness is terrifying!"Todd did a fake yuk-yuk-yuk at my joke. "What are you guys supposed to be? Is it Prom Night Massacre or something?"Sam sighed at Todd's obvious stupidity. "We're zombie princesses, Todd. Can't you tell?" She stuck her arms straight out in front of her and said, "BRAINS! BRAINS!"I patted Sam on the head and said, "Sorry, Sam. You're wasting your time with this one.

Kristin Walker

I wanted to wake you straightaway, but I knew I had to wait several hours to ensure you were safely recovered.""What! How long has it been?""Five minutes. I got bored.

Jonathan Stroud

YES. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I ROLL. LIKE A SUAVE THING. In fact, from here on, please forward my mail to 1 Suave Hill, Suave Boulevard, Suavieland, Planet of She's-So-Smooth-I-Can't-Believe-She's-Not-Butter.

Michele Jaffe

Strange though it is,Sarov still cares about you. He told me to leave you alone. But I think, this time, I must disobey the general. You are mine! And I intend to make you suffer...""Just talking to you makes me suffer," Alex said.

Anthony Horowitz

Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt.

Cassandra Clare

Don't tell me," Jace said, "Simon's turned himself into an ocelot and you want me to do something about it before Isabelle makes him into a stole. Well, you'll have have to wait till tomorrow. I'm out of commission." He pointed at himself - he was wearing blue pajamas with a hole in the sleeve. "Look. Jammies.""Jace," Clary said, "this is important.""Don't tell me," he said. "You've got a drawing emergency. You need a nude model. Well, I'm not in the mood. You could always ask Hodge," he said as an afterthought. "I hear he'll do anything for a -""JACE!" she interrupted him, her voice rising to a scream. "JUST SHUT UP FOR A SECOND AND LISTEN, WILL YOU?

Cassandra Clare

A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said."Actually, she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel.""Easy mistake to make," Jem said.

Cassandra Clare

Oh, and I suppose the apples ate the cheese.

Suzanne Collins

Silverstream: You idiot!!! What are you doing in my territory???Graystripe:...Drowning?Silverstream: Can't you do that in your own territory?Graystripe: Ah, but who would rescue me there?

Erin Hunter

I can be quite sarcastic when I'm in the mood.

J.D. Salinger

Yet, I didn't understand that she was intentionally disguising her feelings with sarcasm; that was usually the last resort of people who are timid and chaste of heart, whose souls have been coarsely and impudently invaded; and who, until the last moment, refuse to yield out of pride and are afraid to express their own feelings to you.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

That seems like stealing, doesn't it?" Simon pulled a cup toward him. He drew the lid back. "Ooh. Mochaccino." He looked at Magnus. "Did you pay for these?""Sure," said Magnus, while Jace and Alec snickered. "I make dollar bills magically appear in their cash register.""Really?""No." Magnus popped the lid off his own coffee. "But you can pretend I did if it makes you feel better. So, first order of business is what?

Cassandra Clare

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

Christopher Moore

Festus just detected a large group of eagles behind us—long-range radar, still not in sight.”Piper leaned over the console. “Are you sure they’re Roman?”Leo rolled his eyes. “No, Pipes. It could be a random group of giant eagles flying in perfect formation. Of course they’re Roman!

Rick Riordan

The first time Calypso came to check on [Leo], it was to complain about the noise.“Smoke and fire,” she said. “Clanging on metal all day long. You’re scaring away the birds!”“Oh, no, not the birds!

Rick Riordan

If you are going to do that, would you mind not jostling the bed so much?' came a sarcastic voice near the head board. 'Perhaps you could roll around on the floor.

Julie Kagawa

That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.

Christopher Moore

Knock him out, Paris!''Sure. Want me to spew diamonds from my ass while I’m at it?

Gena Showalter

Just three words? Nothing about his physical health? His equipment? His supplies?''You got me,' she said. 'He left a detailed status report. I just decided to lie for no reason.''Funny,' Venkat said. 'Be a smart-ass to a guy seven levels above you at your company. See how that works out.''Oh no,' Mindy said. 'I might lose my job as an interplanetary voyeur? I guess I'd have to use my master's degree for something else.''I remember when you were shy.''I'm space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.

Andy Weir

Oh no. Oh God. I couldn't possibly be so stupid.""Don't limit yourself. You can be anything you wish.

Tessa Dare

Ignore the reek of feces in the air, the bloodstains on the ground, and you have yourself a glorious night.

Katherine McIntyre

They were shot with a shotgun and put in garbage bags and thrown under a bridge," Shrake said. "If it wasn't murder, it was a really weird accident.

John Sandford

Acardi! We should have killed him on the spot and you wouldn't let me! You didn't even listen.""Fine," I said, glaring at him. "Next time you want to commit murder, give me a call. You dagger them, I'll chop them into little tiny pieces and toss them into the East River."For the first time, I noticed the shadows beneath his eyes, the gauntness on his face. He lowered his voice, rubbing his temples as if he had a migraine. "This isn't the time for sarcasm, Liana.""No, apparently it's murder time.

M. Kane

The building is a tumbling house of cards behind me. The bus bitches are paper cutouts.

Jolene Stockman

I love having to attend the one class that is being taught by a professor who feels that their class is the only class being taught at the University and gives nothing but busy work.

Heather Chapple

When it rains it pours and when it shines you get melanoma.

Sol Luckman

Well, bloody noses." I hug his coat tighter. "Those are definitely hot.

Stephanie Perkins

Facebook is that successful guy you’re supposed to want to date, but you can’t keep your mind off the beautiful freak in the corner. Twitter is my freak.

Jennifer Harrison

I sheep's idea of bravery : To become a wolf's pet.

Ljupka Cvetanova

I was starting to hate my sixteenth birthday. A poufy white dress and a cake with roses made out of pink icing and awkward dancing with boys in awkward suits was starting to sound like a great alternative. Seriously. Sign my up, I wouldn't even complain.

Alyxandria Harvey

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Sarcasm Quotes - Page 9

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