Sarcasm Quotes - Page 3

The Death Mist is not for helping!" Akhlys shrieked. "It shrouds mortals in misery as their souls pass into the Underworld. It is the very breath of Tartarus, of death, of despair!""Awesome," Percy said. "Could we get two orders of that to go?

Rick Riordan

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.

George Carlin

The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers' head.

Eoin Colfer

Sascha nodded. "Want me to wait?""Do I want my mate to wait in a deserted forest while a dangerous Psy fugitive remains on the loose? Wait, let me think.""Sarcasm does not suit you." She kissed him again, laughter in her eyes.

Nalini Singh

Fine. Okay. I killed her. But I didn’t mean to. And I didn’t kill her, kill her.”“Oh, I see. As long as you didn’t kill her, kill her, then that’s okay.

Karen Marie Moning

Owr brave little shank!

James Dashner

That's the spirit! Make it chicken broth or nothing. That's putting the old foot down. If she's determined to have a nervous breakdown, the least we can do is see that she doesn't have it in peace.

J.D. Salinger

You're Professor Mills? The new one who teaches history?"As opposed to the old Professor Mills who preached overthrow of the government?

Josh Lanyon

I was dead, and I hadn't even been able to attend my own funeral.

Meg Cabot

Where are Haldad my father, and Haldad my brother? If the king of Doriath fears a friendship between Haleth and those who have devoured her kin, then the ways of the Eldar are strange to Men.

J.R.R. Tolkien

When she saw me, my mother stood up and started to come toward me, but then stopped. I think maybe Cat Poop had told her not to make any sudden movements because they might scare me, like I’m a wild animal or something, because she kept looking at him and then at me. Finally she just said, “Hello, Jeff,” and sat down again next to my father.

Michael Thomas Ford

Why do you haunt me? You, like a tattoo on my tongue, like the bay leaf at the bottom of every pan. You who sprawled out beside me and sang my horoscope to a Schubert symphony, something about travel and money again, and we lay there, both of our breaths bad, both of our underwear dangling elastic, and then you turned toward me with a gaze like two matches, putting the horoscope aside, you traced my buried ribs with your index finger, lingered at my collarbone, admiring it as one might a flying buttress, murmuring: Nice clavicle. And me, too new at it and scared, not knowing what to say, whispering: You should see my ten-speed.

Lorrie Moore

Would you like to stand next to me and introduce yourself to the class?'' Smiled Mr Zimmerman, the English teacher.Nope, I would rather turn into bat! Leave me the heck alone. Ughh, why is it teachers ask ' Would you like to?' No teen ever wants to stand in front of strangers and be forced to talk about them. - Lenore Lee from Whitby After Dark

Stella Coulson

I don't want to be here when my latest work of accidental art is discovered.

Becca Fitzpatrick

We don't have dealings. He just stalks me. I'm popular like that.

Nenia Campbell

A lot of people have it in for me. It's practically a school sport.

Nenia Campbell

Do I have to get diapers?” he asked.“Why, did Kade shit himself?” she laughed.Dylan huffed loudly. Eyebrows knitted together, “DO I NEED TO GET BOTTLES?”Jen rolled her eyes and shook her head as if he were crazy, “Don’t you think it’s too early to start drinking? You just got up…”“IS THERE ANYTHING IN YOUR OVEN?”“I’M NOT BAKING ANYTHING, YOU MORON! WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?”My God, you have surrounded me with idiots.

Christine Zolendz

She washed he hands,then looked at my side. "you haven't even had it stitched?" She said incredulously."I've been rather busy," I said. "With the running like hell and hiding all night.

Patrick Rothfuss

No one referred toFearghus the Destroyer as the life of anyone’s party.

G.A. Aiken

Liraz snorted, caught off guard, and the tension between them ebbed away. "I'm sorry of my almost dying interrupted your almost kissing.

Laini Taylor

Hhhmm. A sense of humor.” He cocked his head to the side.“That actually might annoy me.”She frowned, ignoring the teasing sound to that oh-so-low voiceand, with heavy sarcasm answered, “Oh, well, that’ll keep me upnights.

G.A. Aiken

Truly," remarked Nandi as we entered a darkened tunnel, "it is amazing that you have not died yet, mistress." "Well, hang in there. The night is young.

Richelle Mead

I'm sorry I missed the meeting and hurt your little feely-weels okay?

Nenia Campbell

Just because it looks like a leprechaun and talks like a leprechaun, it doesn't mean it can't act like the little fucking demon it is.

N.L. Gervasio

I nee to reason for a plague, ... As far as I know no comets or eclipses have been forecast, and our sins are not great enough for God to be concerned with us.

Gabriel García Márquez

Then the small man suddenly ran after them and said:"I want to get my haircut. I say, do you know a little shop anywhere where they cut hair properly? I keep on having my hair cut, but it keeps on growing again."One of the tall men looked at him with the air of a pained naturalist.

G.K. Chesterton

If your career doesn’t work out, write a book about it.

Marcy Sheiner

Hello, Mrs. Tran...I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars I asked for.

Nenia Campbell

You’ll pardon me,” he finally said, “if the suggestion that the minuscule black turnip you call a heart is suddenly overflowing with generosity toward me leaves me wanting to arm myself and put my back against a wall.

Scott Lynch

I’m sorry that your mystical, godlike powers do not instantly work as you would like them to.

Brandon Sanderson

As a general rule, I preferred not to have my soul reaped.

Rick Riordan

I have a black belt in sarcasm, and my wit is like lightning.

N.R. Walker

Since I've moved here, you have shown up at my door eight times. I obey the laws, I pay my taxes, and I haven't even gotten a parking ticket in my entire time as a driver. Yet if anything at all happens in the neighborhood, you appear at my door. I bet if a meteorite fell somewhere in the subdivision, you would be here asking me if I personally launched it out of my doomsday cannon.

Ilona Andrews

What? Really? And I thought I was just emotionally withdrawn.” She pulled her feet up, hugging her knees. “I’m also incapable going to be your next brilliant observation.

Marissa Meyer

Goody. That must be why they were looking for a 22-caliber anything when they came by with their search warrant this morning.''They didn't!''They did.''When?''Oddly enough, right before I upped my meds.

Sandra Balzo

This was met with a long pause. “Are you really left-handed?” Mr. Marshall asked.“No. I’ve just been pretending to use my left hand my entire life because I enjoy never being able to work scissors properly.

Courtney Milan

He felt that such a life in which one could display such sarcasm and wit was after all to a certain degree worth living.

Richmal Compton

Whatever doesn't kill them, makes them make reality TV shows...

Glen Duncan

Note to self: Caymen is very good at sarcasm.”“If you’re recording notes for an official record, I’d like the word ‘very’ stricken and replaced with ‘exceptionally.

Kasie West

Yes, I was standing on nothing but congealed starlight. Yes, I was walking up through a savage storm, the wind threatening to tear me off and throw me into the freezing waters of Lake Michigan far below. Yes, I was using a legendary and enchanted means of travel to transcend the border between one dimension and the next, and on my way to an epic struggle between ancient and elemental forces.But all i could think to say, between panting breaths, was, "Yeah. Sure. They couldn't possibly have made this an escalator.

Jim Butcher

I realize you're planning on fighting all the dragons single-handedly-""I'm going to protect you from John, dammit. Show him that he can't fucking mess with you. This is about territory."Tom narrowed his eyes. "Are you going to piss a circle around me too?""If that's what it takes.

S.E. Jakes

Need I say more?''No, because you're wrong, and I'd hate for you to keep embarrassing yourself.

Erin McCahan

He's crazy," Bruno said, twirling a finger in circles around the side of his head and whistling to indicate just how crazy he thought he was. "He went up to a cat on the street the other day and invited her over for afternoon tea." "What did the cat say?" asked Gretel, who was making a sandwich in the corner of the kitchen. "Nothing." explained Bruno. "It was a cat.

John Boyne

What time is it?”“One o'clock.”I nearly spit out some soda. “In theafternoon?”“No. In the morning. Don't let that damnsunlight fool you. It lies.

Glenn Bullion

But nowhere in the file had anyone said, “Oh, and by the way, he runs like a gazelle with an espresso addiction.” At least not in the parts I’d skimmed.

Lish McBride

Oh, adjust yourself. You people have spent ten millennia playing at soldiers while becoming ever more dedicated civilians. We've spent the last thousand years trying hard to stay civilian while refining the legacy of a won galactic war.

Iain M. Banks

You couldn't find your dick in the dark, you scheming, sleaze-mongering scumwad.

Nenia Campbell

Ah, Proph." Tom paused. "You did have a nightmare last night.""And here I thought maybe I dreamed it," Prophet muttered sarcastically.

S.E. Jakes

We are literally in the heart of Jesus," he said."I thought we were in a church basement, but we are literally in the heart of Jesus.""Someone should tell Jesus," I said. "I mean, it's gotta be dangerous, storing children with cancer in your heart.

John Green

Dr. Cox: Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, Man Not Caring.[points to self]

Bill Lawrence

There’s been a lot written on the topic of minimalism. But I still believe in it.

Ryan Lilly

His long wait is almost done. I am sending Balon Swann to Sunspear, to deliver him the head of Gregor Clegane.” Ser Balon would have another task as well, but that part was best left unsaid.“Ah.” Ser Harys Swyft fumbled at his funny little beard with thumb and forefinger. “He is dead then? Ser Gregor?”“I would think so, my lord,” Aurane Waters said dryly. “I am told that removing the head from the body is often mortal.

George R.R. Martin

Well, I think Leo's either going to learn a much needed lesson in social activity-- or go nuts and kill us all." -Crash

Hazel Blackthorn

I'm financially ugly.

Rea Lidde

It’s a good thing that the sheep are all so law abiding

Aaronovitch Ben

He was the hardest person to figure out I had ever met, which was saying something. I knew girls, after all....

Chris O'Guinn

Sarcasm is the language of people whose emotions are dying.

Barry Webster

Because seeing someone’s heart ripped out, presumably for the first time, is something a person should accept naturally, like finding out there’s no Santa Clause.

Katrina Monroe

That's Doctor Smart-ass. I didn't spend eight years in insult college to be called Mister.

Jim Butcher

With a sense of humor like that, you could make a living as a garbage man anywhere in the country.

Jim Butcher

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Sarcasm Quotes - Page 3

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