Quips Quotes

Thin people are beautiful but fat people are adorable.

I had always assumed that cliche was a suburb of Paris until I discovered it to be a street in Oxford.

Philip Guedalla

He'd give the devil ulcers.

Anonymous

When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better.

Mae West

Tis better than riches To scratch when it itches.

Anonymous

When you have got an elephant by the hind leg and he is trying to run away it is best to let him run.

Abraham Lincoln

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

Mae West

All would live long but none would be old.

Proverbs

Bland as a Jesuit sober as a hymn.

William Ernest Henley

I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception.

Geography is about maps But biography is about chaps.

In the world of mules there are no rules.

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.

Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves.

I used to be snow-white . . . but I drifted.

Mae West

Equal opportunity is good but special privilege even better.

It's better to be quotable than to be honest.

A man of words and not of deeds Is like a garden full of weeds.

English Proverb

I don't see what's wrong with giving Bobby a little experience before he starts to practise law.

Shake a bridle over a Yorkshireman's grave and he'll rise and steal a horse.

Lancashire proverb

An indecent mind is a perpetual feast.

If you can't bite don't show your teeth.

Yiddish Proverb

Only the shallow know themselves.

Don't quote me that's what you heard not what I said.

Lawrence K. Frank

Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.

In California everyone goes to a therapist is a therapist or is a therapist going to a therapist.

We also serve who only punctuate.

Every director bites the hand that lays the golden egg.

If Roosevelt were alive he'd turn in his grave.

There's a wonderful family called Stein There's Gert and there's Epp and there's Ein: Gert's poems are bunk Epp's statues are junk And no one can understand Ein.

Anonymous

Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.

A thick skin is a gift from God.

Konrad Adenauer

While you're saving your face you're losing your ass. Never trust a man whose eyes are too close to his nose. I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket. Better inside the tent pissing out than outside the tent pissing in.

Lyndon B. Johnson

Parsely is gharsley.

Oats n.s. A grain which in England is generally given to horses but in Scotland supports the people.

Coffee in England is just toasted milk.

Anonymous

Epitaph to a waiter: By and by God caught his eye.

A dimple in the chin a devil within.

Some people approach every problem with an open mouth.

Adlai Stevenson

The butler entered the room a solemn procession of one.

And what's a butterfly? At best He's but a caterpillar drest.

John Grey

If I look like this I need the trip.

As old as the itch.

English Proverb

Early to bed early to rise work like hell and advertise.

Laurence J. Peter

Her face was her chaperone.

Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.

G.K. Chesterton

When people don't want to come nothing will stop them.

Sol Hurok

Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.

More and more these days I find myself pondering on how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits.

John Kirk Nelson

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Epigram: a wisecrack that has played Carnegie Hall.

Include me out.

A hole is nothing at all but you can break your neck in it.

Austin O'Malley

Mother: It's broccoli dear. Child: I say it's spinach and I say the hell with it.

Carl Rose

Flint must be an extremely wealthy town I see that each of you bought two or three seats.

In uplifting get underneath.

If there were any justice in the world people would be able to fly over pigeons for a change.

Anonymous

When the mouse laughs at the cat there's a hole nearby.

Nigerian Proverb

Fatigue is the best pillow.

The ugliest of trades have their moments of pleasure. Now if I was a grave digger or even a hangman there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Douglas Jerrold

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