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The fireworks went on for nearly half an hour, great pulsing strobes, fiery dandelions and starbursts of light brightening both sky and water. It was hard to tell which was reality and which was reflection, as if there were two displays, above and below, going on simultaneously—one in space-time, mused Max, and the other in time-space.
Sol Luckman
You can shift other people's attitudes by shifting your own. When people project rudeness, impatience, and intolerance they attract the same in return. If someone looks like they are having a difficult day, you can shift their world by simply sharing a kind word.
Susan C.Young
Modeling for others a sincerely positive and encouraging countenance will not only enrich their lives, it can foster trust and appreciation for you. This subtle technique of mirroring can help others feel compatibility with you and lead them to feel better about themselves. A win for everybody!
Susan C.Young
5 Tips for Mirroring Others1.tBody language. When they smile, you smile. When they lean back in their chair, you lean back in your chair. When they cross their legs or fold their arms, you do the same.2.tVocabulary or specific words. Notice their language and the words they choose and use—their keywords, expressions, expletives, or phrases. 3.tCommunication style. People receive, process, and deliver information in different ways. Notice whether someone is results driven or relaxed, emotional or pragmatic, talkative or observant. Recognizing their style will enable you to adapt your style to theirs to build rapport and improve communication.4.tVocal style. a.tSpeech rate—If they are talking fast, you talk fast. If they are talking slowly, you talk slowly. Consider rhythm, pace, and tempo. b.tVolume—If they are speaking quietly and softly, match their volume. c.tTone—Mirror their emotion, tone, and pitch. You can even seek to mirror their grammar and dialect, as long as it is discreet and respectful.
Susan C.Young
Mirroring and matching works at the sub-conscious level and serves to make the other person feel more “comfortable” and connected to you. These subliminal actions can create a subconscious feeling of unison and connection that demonstrate how much you have in common.
Susan C.Young
Your eyes are the windows to your soul” indeed. It is a cliché for a good reason—it is a timeless truth with universal application.
Susan C.Young
Your direct eye contact is one of the best compliments you can give another human being. You are subliminally telling them that you are listening, they matter, and that what they have to say is important.
Susan C.Young
Meaningful eye contact has the power to transcend time and space to connect us with others and can be one of the most gracious and important ways to demonstrate attention and respect.
Susan C.Young
When you make eye contact with another person, you can send thousands of silent messages without even speaking a word. No wonder eye contact can be both a direct form of communication and an elusive attribute at the same time.
Susan C.Young
One simple glance can convey to your recipient that you are . . .•tPresent•tInterested•tPaying attention•tBeing respectful•tListening•tConfident•tEngaged•tCaring•tDedicated•tAppreciative•tEmpathetic•tFocused•tSupportive•tTrustworthy•tAcknowledging•tExcitedThis list barely scratches the surface; however, it opens the conversation about how vital your eye contact is for making positive first impressions.
Susan C.Young
Whether it is in a sales situation, love at first sight, a husband and wife having an important conversation, a parent disciplining a child, or a teacher instructing her students, eye contact is a powerful body language for enriching engagement, focus, and communication.
Susan C.Young
Mirroring is a powerful neuro-linguistic programming technique that can be used to bond with others, build rapport, and reach mutual understanding more quickly. You may already be using it instinctively without even being aware.
Susan C.Young
Mirroring is simply the process of discreetly matching and mirroring the subtle behaviors and qualities of the person with whom you are connecting. It's a form of behavioral reflection that unconsciously reveals, "We're more alike than we are different.
Susan C.Young
Mirroring is especially helpful when our differences may divide. Think of the times when you have made a diligent effort to speak in another person’s native language to communicate and connect with comfort. By doing this, you are extending a considerate courtesy to meet them where they are, thus removing barriers and improving engagement.
Susan C.Young
Coordinating your gestures with someone’s subtle behaviors, can help you gain understanding, realize comfortable compatibility, and develop mutual trust.
Susan C.Young
Why Does Mirroring Work? Scientific research suggests ‘mirroring’ techniques works because of the mirror-neurons which are fired in our brains when we both perceive and take action. When we observe someone doing something, we may feel as if we are having the same experience.
Susan C.Young
When you see someone smile, does it naturally make you want to smile back? When you are irritable, do you find that people mirror your irritability? When someone yawns around you, do automatically do the same? When you hear someone celebrating, do you feel inclined to join in and celebrate too? Your responses are not forced, but instinctual and empathetic.
Susan C.Young
Mirroring provides social cues through body language and behavior which enable us to develop more empathy and understanding for others.
Susan C.Young
Who are we the most comfortable with? People who are the most like us! The “Similarity-Attraction Hypothesis” (Newcomb, 1956) found that similar (real or perceived) personalities are a major determinant of our likability and friendship choices. It is simply human to gravitate toward people like us. This tribal inclination runs the gamut across demographics of age, ethnicity, culture, education, religion, and even personality style. Mirroring will enable you to find ways to create the comfort of familiarity through similarity.
Susan C.Young
Since we know people like to do business with people who are most like themselves, consider this: Excellent sales people understand that "matching and mirroring" another person’s body language is a powerful technique and subliminal way to develop trust, build rapport, and make their clients more comfortable and engaging. Subtly mirroring the postures, gestures, and body language of your client inspires a kinship of commonality.
Susan C.Young
Early in my sales career, various sales trainers taught our teams how to use matching and mirroring to build rapport and earn trust with our clients. When done well, it would inevitably help us improve customer service and closing ratios. It was not encouraged as a deceptive sales practice to manipulate, but rather a subtle way to make a great first impression and connect on a meaningful level.
Susan C.Young
By mirroring, speaking, and moving in tandem with my clients, I provided them with a sense of familiar comfort and ease which helped us work well together. When they leaned forward, I would lean forward. When they crossed their arms, I would cross my arms. When they began speaking slowly and quietly, I would do the same. These subtle actions help to us to communicate more effectively.
Susan C.Young
Becoming aware of what you are doing and how others perceive you will provide you with instant insight for making changes where necessary.
Susan C.Young
Whatever you are putting out into the universe is going to be returned unto you and have a direct correlation to what you are getting back. In many ways, you are a magnet and manifest accordingly.
Susan C.Young
Think of your personal and professional life—are you attracting what you want? Are you attracting the kind of people you like? Do you feel that life is working for you or against you? How have others been treating you? Are you pleased with your results?
Susan C.Young
7 Ways to Improve Eye Contact at any Time1.tRelax into the moment by smiling.2.tPractice making eye contact with people you trust, so that when you are with strangers, it is easier to form a connection.3.tWhen you feel uncomfortable, begin by looking at their mouth or forehead.4.tLean in and show that you are interested and attentive.5.tPut a little space between you and the other person.6.tRemember that the other person may be feeling just as awkward.7.tDon’t give them a blank stare throughout a conversation. Rather, practice gazing down or to the side every few moments so that you appear relaxed.
Susan C.Young
Being culturally aware and respectful of others’ cultures will help you to keep the habit of making eye contact in context. As a matter of fact, in some parts of the world making eye contact can be construed as being exactly the opposite of what I am sharing in these pages. Making a great first impression is always about the specific environment and circumstance, isn’t it?
Susan C.Young
As we explore this valuable non-verbal language, please note that these principles do not apply in many cultures around the world. In some cultures, direct eye contact may offend, affront, violate, or threaten.
Susan C.Young
We've all been in the middle of a conversation and the person with whom we are speaking breaks eye contact, appears distracted, glazes over, or looks elsewhere. Their simple eye movement can quickly break down communications by making us feel ignored, dismissed, or rejected. For some, it may be accidental and unintentional, while for others, avoiding eye contact is on purpose.
Susan C.Young
12 Reasons Why People Avoid Eye Contact1.tThey do not want to reveal their feelings.2.tThey are not being honest and truthful.3.tIt makes them feel vulnerable and exposed.4.tThey are being rude or indifferent.5.tThey are ashamed or embarrassed to talk about something.6.tThey are nervous or lacking confidence.7.tIt makes them feel very uncomfortable.8.tThey are arrogant, snobby, and pretentious.9.tThey are afraid of saying the wrong thing or looking stupid.10.tThey are shy or introverted.11.tThey are accessing internal thoughts or emotions to process and contemplate information.12.tOr as mentioned before, and important to remember, it may simply be a cultural value or behavior.
Susan C.Young
There are times when eye contact can move to the dark side and become creepy, hostile, rude, or condescending. When it is overused or made for the wrong reasons, eye contact can make others feel uncomfortable and leave a terrible impression . . . •tobsessive staring•tmocking•ttoo much intensity •tinappropriate focus•taverting eyes•tobvious contempt •tgawking, ogling •tcasting the "evil eye"•tover-watching•tintimidating•tunwelcome looks•trolling the eyes
Susan C.Young
As with most things in life, a healthy balance will keep us on the right path. To avoid too much eye contact or too little, seek to create a comfortable mix. It is generally encouraged to use more eye contact when you are listening and less when you are speaking.
Susan C.Young
When speakers make eye contact with an audience, they will be perceived as being more prepared, more competent, confident, and trustworthy. Eye contact helps to relax the speaker and reminds them that their audience is made up of separate individuals who perceive things differently. Audience response is clearly seen in the expressions of their eyes.
Susan C.Young
Healthy and non-shaming mirroring is an important part of the process. We can gain this from a highly emotionally intelligent and effective peer group that has our best interests at heart.
Christopher Dines
Most people like mirrors; what they do not like, is people, who are mirrors.
Justin K. McFarlane Beau
Your outer world mirrors your inner world. How you view your outer world is how you view you, your inner world, the 'you' that needs your care, your attention, your compassion and your love.
Kelly Martin
Each time a person passes by you and you say 'hello', imagine that person turning into a candle. The more positivity, love and light you reflect, the more light is mirrored your way. Sharing beautiful hellos is the quickest way to earn spiritual brownie points. You should start seeing hellos as small declarations of faith. Every time you say hello to a stranger, your heart acknowledges over and over again that we are all family.
Suzy Kassem
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